A Process - part 1

The land of my inner world is calling.  The call is strong and sets the condition that I come alone.  I prepare for this journey and find myself frustrated, tense, and irritated because I am not alone.  I can feel the many projections I've taken on plastered to my being.  I can feel the weight of the things I need to forgive.  I can taste the hunger for freedom and solitude.  I can hear the reel of thoughts that have created a new loop in my mind gnawing at my stillness and clarity.  I can see the circle of mirrors that have surrounded me over that last several months, and in them are the reflections and memories of things that I want to shatter, clean up, and throw away.  How does one get here? I find the months between the fall equinox and the winter solstice has a spotlight on drawing within because the Earth is drawing within. The plants and trees are retracting their life force into the roots to stay alive during the winter.  The leaves are dying and falling off, and what a beautiful death they give us!  The wildlife are either caving up or gathering in numbers to stay warm together, safe together, and slow down together.  The cycle of nature is a powerful force, and is another reflection for me.  It is time to spend my attention within, but if I am to come alone, I have much to purge and let go of so I may be alone.

This year has been an incredible spiritual growth spurt for me.  I have challenged my gifts, put myself out there, and each step has been an incredible rush.  I've felt good about some of my successes and taken my mistakes in stride with ownership and an attitude of learning.  This is a huge improvement from who I used to be and I am grateful to have made these strides.  Now in the pull down of these months, all the things that keep me from being alone in my true self are rising up to produce the next layer of healing to walk through and the next layer of work on myself to be more of who I truly am.

From this perspective, I experience those projections, mirrors, thought reels, and weights as a buffet of healing opportunities and empowering possibilities.  I choose to be where I am with them and deal with each one, to honor the condition of the call to my inner world.  And I am going to put myself out there yet again to share this process with you over the next several blogs.  This will make me accountable for my own healing and hopefully inspire you to reflect on your own weights, mirrors, and projections and accountability for happiness.

Will you join me?

Today, I'm starting with looking at the mirrors.  They disturb me the most and I can sense that a lot of the weights and projections are attached to these mirrors and may heal by themselves in dealing with the mirrors.

As I turn around myself I can see this wall of single paneled mirrors and each one is holding an energy I need to learn from and heal.  There is a repeating theme with several of these mirrors.  I see and feel this theme as one of not liking how I'm being treated, and/or being disappointment in my relationships.  Now, it's normal to be disappointed and all that, but it's not healthy to carry it around like this...looking back at me, sending back to me this disappointment and frustration.  I'm finding that my relationship mirrors are showing me that I've been experiencing disappointment because I'm not fully bringing my true self to the relationship.  I'm hiding parts of my light and strength because I'm afraid I won't be accepted.  Well, that just won't do!  But, wow, seeing it this way makes it lighter and outside of me so it seems silly to not bring all of my true self everywhere.  Okay, now, why do I feel the need to be accepted?  My rational voice claims it doesn't matter.  My emotional heart sends a voice that it just wants to be loved....oh, there it is...I'm not allowing love.  Ugh, that's a doozy, but one I keep finding in many layers of healing for years.  It's not unreasonable to desire love and acceptance, to allow love does not make you reliant, and I believe happiness is a choice and my responsibility.  And this is why the work is being done.

So I will be sitting in this theme of mirrors until the next blog post and the story will continue.  If you are joining me, imagine or sense your own mirrors and what or who is in them.  Search for how these reflections have started from something inside of you.  I invite you to journal what you experience and become aware of.  Our stories can unfold at the same time.

In support of myself and others who dive into growth and search for truth, I say A-HO!

As always, I am available for private sessions.  You can learn more at www.inquirewithin.me