Bear Medicine & Showing Up

I was gifted a bear hide last year. It came to me frozen, so I just put it right into the freezer. Thinking the hide was just the body of the bear without the head and paws. It was a small black bear, so I was thinking I'd just make rattles and a drum out of it.  And so it sat in it's ice cave until this lady happened.... DSCF1024This is Pixie Campbell, mama of SouLodge. She is a powerful guide, supporter of women, and fellow magic maker. On Imbolc of this year I was sitting in a circle of hers and there was this spark of universe mapping a path from her heart to mine, and long story short...It was decided that I am to use that bear hide to facilitate a rattle making workshop for one of her other groups. What an honor to be asked to do this. I am still moved to tears by her trust in me to hold the space for her group.

The date was set for late March. For the time in between saying yes and showing up, I had numerous dreams of failing the group and the process with epic proportions. During this time there was deep dismembering of so many wounds. More than once I was in journeys to explore my anxiety and bear claws were just ripping me to shreds. Wounds of past teachers, community, family, and beliefs...being ripped out of me. I even felt it during the daily mundane stuff. The time of breaking down, harvesting, and thinnin' the herd. Dismemberment can be scary, and what falls down, will rise again.  During this time another dream showed up 3 different times. A dream where the bear hide was complete with head and paws, it was in the center of a circle of women. The bear laid out as offering and as receiver of healing. In the dream, I couldn't see who the women were, but I saw each women's pair of hands touching the edge of the hide, encircling him with grief and love. A drum beat encircled the group like a womb and I would wake up. Emotionally covered in the reside of this connection and power. Waking up like it had already happened and feeling lost in time with confusion.

Prepping a hide by hand for sacred sound making begins a week before you begin. The class was set for a Saturday. So on Monday I went to the bears ice cave, pulled him out, and this happened:

Face and paws. My dismemberment was complete in that instant. My dream was right. Worlds within me collided as soul parts came home, and all anxiety of failing was eliminated. I messaged Pixie and told her that bear rattles could not happen now. "Thank goodness I brought my buck hide home last fall" I said to myself. And went about getting the buck hide out too and pulling up my big girl panties to buckle down and work two hides that week instead of one. And not only two hides, but I had to remove the skull and paws...which I'd never done before. This was a showing up and a trust that magic is made of. I was so blessed to have Pixie come out later that week to help. We dehaired the buck hide and took the bear skull out together. And ya know one of the reasons I love working with the remains of wild animals is that when you get into dismembering their remains, the inside of the their bodies show you how to do it as you uncover bit by bit. And I feel from this that instinct connection. It reminds me of life: when you show up for something, especially an unknown, it's not so much about knowing what to do before you do it, it's all about uncovering how you can do it one bit at a time. One step at a time. One knife slice at at time, and the body with show you where to go next.

IMG_9245

Once we got the hide off the skull the bears' third eye chakra burst open, reached out and grabbed my third eye and pulled my forehead to the freshly skinned skull. I was given visions from his spirit of his life. How he lived in awe of the stars. Searching through the night for a wide open space to see as many as he could. I saw him in clearings looking up and filling his breath with those stars. I saw how he knew there was more than just being a bear, not that a bear was not great...it is. He knew that he had more to experience that he couldn't experience in a bear body. He showed me that this is one reason for being willing to die so young. For things must die when embarking on a new choice. Young ideas sometimes need to die too, in order to choose another idea that will have a better life. I also saw that his spirit hadn't been able to move on and he wanted to be held in fire until the group could be a part of his transition. Then I was released from his skull and Pixie and I went back to our day. We finished up, said our good byes, and I lit his candle.

IMG_9948

Gathering day! Oh, man I was so excited and happy. I met and held space for incredible women who carry impeccable integrity of sisterhood. Each one of them touched and opened my heart. Healing the wounds of tribes and relationships past. These are the wise women of today and they radiate authenticity.  The deer hide was laid out when we circled up, and then we laid out the bear on top. Bravery happened. Courage to feel the pain of sorrow and grief happened. Walking through resistance in order to connect to unknown happened. These women reached out and laid their hands around his edges and on his body. Encircling him with love and grief. I began drumming to the beat of the womb power. The womb of his transition. My dream had literally come true. And then it just got better....together we crossed him over and freed his soul. He is on to his next thing.

His body was then my new experimental project. I tanned him, which again, I went into this with very little knowledge or prepared process. I again showed up without certainty and intentionally DID with my heart leading the way. I thought with my heart and finally got what it's like to truly move from intuition. I learned so much on his young body and feel daily doses of Earth medicine...and I let him hold me...a lot. And I like to scare my four legged babies while crawling on the floor with him over me. But mostly, I sit in meditation on him. I wrap myself up in his tiny bear body and practice letting myself be held.

IMG_2384Wow, this has been a long post, so I should wrap it up. Thank you for listening, and witnessing what Pixie rightfully called my initiation. Initiation into what? I don't know for sure, but I'm showing up for it every day in subtle ways...like practicing be held...And I'm showing up without knowing what I should be doing, so I can show up with what I can do each step of the way.

There is a whole other story of the King Buck interwoven with this Bear, but I will release that after all my upcoming rattles from him are already sold and the buyers hear the story first. So, stay tuned!!

I'll leave you with this: did this post stir something in you? If so, what? What is true about this for you? What do you need to show up for this in your Self? Blessings of my bear's hugs. Blessed be. Nissa

Did you like this post? Like it, share it, comment, and feel free to share back what you will show up for.

 

 

 

Visiting the Moon

DSCF0939 This weekend has been full of yard work and beautification of my land. My body is ecstatic with exhaustion. My mind is clear thanks to the hungry soil that gobbled my mind chatter up. I swear I heard the Earth burp with satisfaction. My heart is blushing at the newness of my landscape. My soul is open to receive magic. (a wonderful byproduct of the body and mind being too tired to protest to magic being made)

The full moon is tomorrow. But last night, that bitch was having herself a sassy party in the sky. She brought this party through my bedroom window...no invitation...just crashed her party all up in my much needed slumber. I felt a contrast of energy; I was being drawn out to her as her brilliant light drew me inside myself. So, I listened...and I got up to join her party in the night sky. Insanely bright. A day within the night. Once I joined her party, she settled into the quiet zen master; full of sage wisdom and nurturing mystery. The contrasting energy was growing, I felt myself get big enough to reach the moon...and that expansion had me drawing deeper within...like roots going deeper to facilitate the taller branches. I am struggling to find the words to describe this feeling, it was ecstasy...purity...simple...easy...and BIG! The kind of big that makes me feel the medicine of equality. By this I mean; I'm not special or greater than anyone else, and this is a great realization because in this truth I feel motivation to create the cards and courses I want to create simply because my soul wants me to. Allowing myself to energetically get SO big last night brought me to the humility that took the need to be "worthy" out of what I want to create. The purity and power of this contrasting medicine has me seeing and believing that just wanting to create what I want is the reason. End of story. No more discussion. The outcome of the creating isn't the point...the point is creating because you want to, because it feels good, because your soul share with you a story to be told.

I am baffled at the concept of humility being the medicine for the worthy wounds....I feel there is more here and I am excited to explore this concept within my inner wilderness. But for now I say good day to you, and good night to you...consider visiting the moon.

 

Wild, Free, and Lovin' It.

horsejunipers Today's post was started back in September 2013. I've been nursing the wounds of belonging. So, with a shaky voice I'm done nursing...I belong in my bones.

I'm grateful for my country, hillbilly, farmin', huntin'-fishin'-muddin'-loggin' upbringing.  It showed me that the love of nature doesn't look like a national park advertisement.  I learned that to love nature means you have to BE a part of nature...being the hunted as well as the hunter. I learned that nature isn't a manicured trail that everyone walks on. I have experienced it bloody, bruised, held, soul fed, heart breaking and heart filling.   I'm grateful that I have seen how policy destroys nature but those who love nature choose nature stewardship over selling out for income somewhere else. The country life gave me my rebel medicine. Perseverance...survival...bad assery...slamming on the brakes to watch a deer, an elk, an eagle; regardless of who you may piss off behind you. The this "backwoods" culture, when the wild things show themselves to you, you stop and connect.

I'm grateful for my city exploration of life.  The intense amazement that humans can create massive structures.  The artistic creativity floating around like an airborne virus, just aching to find a host walking by that will say..."yes, I'll give you life".  It thrills me to feel how the creative energy of one fuels the creative energy of another. My soul soars to witness people give up so much to pour their every cell into their craft...into their inspirations. The city life helped me see and love people because there is so much variety to see and love. Perseverance...survival...bad assery...fierce commitment to passion.

I've been held in Christianity, Hinduism, Yoga spirituality, Witchraft, Shamanism, Buddhism, Reiki.  And there is beauty in all of these to me, I have learned so many skills and concepts. They all have a medicine and a poison to me though. The poison comes from living in the box the label is attached to. The medicine comes from broadening my perspective, which broadens the landscape of my wild inner world that I call my soul.  More landscape? More room to roam!!!

To me, labels are lassos; boxes are the corrals. Eck, just thinking this makes me want to run.

wild-horse-running

The heart breaking thing is that all sides are uncomfortable around me being who I am because I contain within me a part of something that stirs their pot.  I feel their discomfort and it hurts me.  I feel this subtle need from them to somehow reconfigure me into a version of myself they can accept and handle.  My truth about this is...I get it, I understand...and it still hurts.

Today, I'm grateful that I don't have to exist in one corral or the other.  I'm grateful that every time I've been roped by a one group or the other I have somehow managed to shake the lasso off my neck before getting locked in and tied up. Intuitively bolting from the wranglers of righteousness to run wild and free yet again. I am meant to be a free range soul.  I want to migrate, learn, explore, and take a chance on my intuition.

I'm grateful that I can stand where I stand within myself and not have to claim "a side".  I see how those in one corral like to think their corral is right...it's the corral to be in, so they slander the corral across the way.  Saying how that corral has it all wrong and they are the reason for everything going wrong in their corral.  I see how the corral across the way thinks their corral is the right one to be in and believes that the other corral is the reason for everything going wrong with their corral.  See the pattern?  Back and forth...then another corral is built and filled and those first two corrals start finding ways to blame the new corral for the problems they have in their corrals.

I see that the problem is as simple as staying contained in any corral.  It's not humane, compassionate or progressive to surrender to the corral your in while blaming other corrals for why yours isn't what you want.  Jump a fence, kick down a post, knock down the fuckers that open and close the gate. RUN!  Scary, right? Where do you go? How will you survive?  What if you are alone?

WildBrownHorse

I have no real concrete point or ra-ra uplifting inspiration.  My heart is simply ready to tell it like it has been for me.  And I'm grateful that the heart ache allows me love both sides from my corral-free vantage point.  My deepest desire is for all corrals to let the other corrals live in their corrals in their own way and support the differences, instead of judging-mud slinging-and blame.  We could all be freed.  Regardless, I can't change those wranglers, nor those corrals. I can only act for myself. The action I choose is to be me, wild and free; roaming the soul land to accept myself so wholly that I can accept others I find along my life.  Corralled or not.

This last weekend I encountered some kindred spirits in this matter and it was just what this wild woman needed.  (more on this later...trust me, it's gooooood)

Feel free to share, post, or comment. Blessed be.

Like this blog post? Subscribe to get more in your email, and get event dates and offerings, AND watch my website take form as I get it built.  Oh, exciting stuff.....

PS....funny thing I stumbled on last week, in Celtic astrology, I'm a horse!  hahahahaha  Perfect.

 

Waiting for the a-ha...

iStock_000013766308XSmall Good gawd I love a-ha moments. The surge of inspiration and motivation. The crisp air in life of newness. The heart of an a-ha moment beats hope and enthusiasm.

I am currently at the intersection of waiting for and begging for an a-ha moment. I want so badly to move past this not caring that I don't care. Traveling the road of waiting for an a-ha moment has been fairly painless this time around and I can acknowledge that it is mainly due to my willingness to surrender to the waiting. But, did this willingness to surrender create the sludge I'm in now and create the way for me to be so deeply stuck?  This road of waiting is getting long though and I'm aching for better scenery. So I come to an intersection. Anticipating the a-ha and it's new direction. It's a rusty, dusty, tumbleweed intersection with nothing there and the disappointment plum runs me out of gas. I ker-clunk my ass in the middle of the road, facing new directions, waiting for a tow-truck to take me where I'll get filled up.

Enter: not caring that I don't care. At some point on this road of waiting for the a-ha moment, I stopped caring if I get one or if anything gets better. There are so many variables happening to feed this apathetic voice: "so many other people are doing what you want to do, it's already being done, don't bother" (FYI, this is the one that got me in the waiting for the a-ha in the first place....waiting for the awareness of that thing that makes what I do special and different). "I am tired of waiting, maybe I'm deluding myself in thinking I'm meant to rock the work I want to rock". And last, but not least: "nothing really matters, and it's all significant". (THIS one is both freedom giving and cage creating)

And when I give voice to this struggle a fire rumbles deep inside and is pretty pissed off that I'm letting this stick me at my intersection without any fuel.  How did I get here with no reserves? What else is involved? Who else is involved? And what does that matter? The choice is mine...

This is a call out to my inner warriors...freedom fighters...and bravehearts. I'm sorry I pushed you to the shadows of my soul. Please come out, fully rested from the darkness, and kick this monsters' ass.

Thank you, and I can promise you that my willingness to surrender has taught me a valuable lesson on the value of what you bring my soul and my life.

Nissa

So...why do I need permission?

Ask for the weird and impossible~Danielle LaPorte #desiremap

I heard her say this on a podcast today and it has stopped me in my tracks. I have SO many weird and impossible things I want to CREATE in my life, and having her say this makes me feel like I have permission. Really? I needed permisssion....please. Look out dreams, I'm coming for you. I'm asking for you. I'm asking for you to say  YES to these Wild Inner World oracle cards,and ebooks, and E-courses! I'm asking for you to be born and have a life of your own that I can nurture and love and grow with. I'm asking to feel sexy, joy, and magical. I'm asking to have my soul craft circles grow and multiply, because I already see the magic in them. I'm asking myself to say YES back to these dreams.

So...why do I need permission?

What makes me think I can do it all by my self? Why is it so hard to ask for help? And trust?

I'm a smidge annoyed with myself that I these lil' questions are of my own resistance standing in my own way of what is a simple (not easy) concoction of human awesomeness! Is there a quick fix? Maybe. I'm sure I could force myself to think a more positive thought or feel a more positive feeling and ignore this permission needing, stubbornly independent resistance for the little bugger.  But ya know what? These qualities have merit too and I want to explore the concept of moving forward, past this wall with the beneficial qualities of needing permission and being stubbornly independent. And I feel like for me to do that I need to give these obstacle builders some space to self reflect on how they can go with me through this resistance and be helpful during the process.  Oh, yeah....this is new and different and exciting.

Need for permission: where it may create a huge "holding back" energy in my life, it also keeps my focus in check. If I never needed permission to make one choice or the other I would really walk my shit all over the place. And this doesn't feel like happy-making in my heart.  I need this permission needing mechanism to help feel out which is the right choice. What makes this poison for me is when I am seeking the permission outside myself in other people, community structures, and other traps humans create. What makes this medicine for me is when I'm asking my soul purpose for permission to go one way or another, take that class or another, create this product or another. Yeah...this feels so much lighter and spacious to me.  It's like positive reinforcing the qualities I want to use from this mechanism. And it already feels so much more positive and motivating, and I don't feel like I had to cut out a part of myself.  It reminds me of how I try to parent. I see my daughters "problems", I acknowledge they are there and am aware of them. But I choose to tell her every day what is powerful, beautiful, and amazing about her. She is more of the stuff I positively reinforce than she is the stuff that can be destructive. Yeah, I'm diggin' this idea.

And I'm gonna keep diggin' on this for while, then move on to the stubbornly independent piece. I need some more time in this permission piece. I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime; did this pull a trigger for you? Do you like this? Do you disagree? All voices welcome to be just one part of a greater conversation that is the conversation of discovering your own truth, path, and purpose. Please forward, share, like, and comment if you have the impulse to connect to this.

Is there a wall/obstacle/resistance in your life that could use some wholistic looking at and seen for it's positive qualities? My wish is that in my vulnerable authenticity, it gives YOU permission to be that as well.

Dig deep. Own up. Be true to you.

Let the mind think. Let the heart feel. Let the soul choose.

Blessed be! Nissa

Do you have a Word for the year?

create2014 We are nearing the end of January. Did you do new years resolutions? If yes, how many of them are still in play? If no, why not?

I broke up with new years resolutions YEARS ago because I realized the failure and self disappointment I felt when they fell short was not worth feeling. At the end of 2012, I saw on the Facebook world women announcing their word for the upcoming 2013 year.  So I stalked their posts and clicked on the free downloads to guide one to their word of the year. I found it to be kinda-crazy-awesome. I loved the idea of working with one word for a whole year. To have a simple focus on it. To have a complex understanding of it through experience and life.

2013...my word was opportunity. And the ripples of experience met with holding myself present in order to bring in the focus of opportunity. I found all the heavy challenges thrown my way as opportunities, therefore I responded to them more positively. I found the awesome moment more vibrant and magical, therefore I allowed myself to feel the joy and fun more. It was a roller coaster year that I look back on as incredible learning and wisdom and self exploration. Looking back at 2013, I feel connected to opportunity and realize I created a relationship to it, and I let it change me. A-ha! I finally feel an accomplished and successful resolution played out in my life. I had to simplify my focus to amplify my results.

Simple doesn't mean easy.

And I value the lessons of my opportunities because this is true for me. Building a relationship to opportunity in a simple way brought me to the complexities of understanding deeply what opportunity is. For me, it became a work out for my "space holding" muscles. It became a wide open field for me to run free in. It became a nurturing cave to lick my wounds and begin again. Gratitude doesn't even scratch the surface.

Entering 2014, finding my word was much like being in a labyrinth.  Searching in one direction, following the scent and BAM, a wall....nope, this isn't the one. But I kept following the scent. I had to dig deep and I found myself surrounded by the truth of a word that scares the shit out of me a bit. This word takes me to deeply disappointed places where judgements, criticisms, and abandonment have very loud voices. Stepping into the home of this word and these voices will require me to allow myself to be emotional, vulnerable, and warrior....terrifying; a battle for more. It incites anxiety and excitement and child like open-hearted-ness. It will require me to own it, take credit, and give. And this word is....

CREATE

This month of getting to know my word I have been on the "first date" high. We giggle and play and flirt. And I have been giving it full attention, which is why I haven't blogged in over a month. I am already creating. I am looking forward every day while staying present...in the moment...performing the tasks of creating.  Held by constant flow of inspiration and dreams. Held in the accomplishments of: book content, art-work for divination cards, loving moments with my family, and forgiveness for the judgey critics. Feels good.

Do you have a word for the year? Share it here! Do you want one? Below are the links I used to guide me through discovering mine.

http://www.susannahconway.com/2013/12/lets-make-some-magic-in-2014/

http://christinekane.com/how-to-make-2014-successful-prosperous-and-magical/

 

My other...

I met my other at a rock concert. Me: in a naughty schoolgirl mini skirt and ready to get a bit crazy.  Him: dragged there by his sister-in-law and ready to slink into the walls.  The moment we saw each other: soul collision.  I blinked my eyes in slow motion and a flash of light went off in my head.  When I opened my eyes that dark music hall was atwitter with sparkles all around him.  The music went to the background.  I welcomed his eyes into my heart. For him, the music stopped all together, all he saw was me, all we wanted to see was me.  I didn't believe in my heart until then.  He didn't start living until then.

The rest of the night was a primal soul conversation of magnetic honesty.  We saw each other, plain and simple.  There was an other-worldy understanding of what we say in each other.  Authentic and brutally different than anything we’d known before.  The polarity of who we are as individuals filled in each other's blank spaces.  Life finally had a home.

Our first official date was within a week.  Engaged within 5 months.  Married now for 9 years.

Me: could do without the marriage thing.  Would be with him just because. We had to elope privately for  me to go through with it.  Him: always wanted to be married and couldn’t wait to have a ring on his finger.  What he’s learned from me about love: to feel love takes courage and self-exploration. What I learned from him about love: he was willing to take my name because it isn’t about man vs. woman to him, it’s about being one.  (with that, I proudly took his name)

This oneness has been the premise of our entire relationship.  Oneness is wholeness when both parties are who they are in harmony with the other. Harmony is not exempt nor independent of conflict. Harmony, however, does require respecting the other as a whole being separate from you.  I am in love with the fact that we do this for each other.  Our oneness is not at all contingent on us being the same.  In fact, our oneness thrives on us being different.

We’ve had epic brawls.  We’ve wounded each other.  It’s been bloody and messy, like a tornado tore through the village of our relationship.  I’ve said “I’m like an elk who migrates when the land is no longer nourishing”.  He’s replied with “no matter where you migrate to, that land is still me”.  I not only fell in love with, but continue to be in love with a partner who believes in us as a whole one.  This is a strength and a quality I respect so much it makes me melt with desire to be his...and him to be mine.

I drive him crazy with my fiery quick wit and passionate intensity.  He infuriates me with needing to think so long about how he feels.  I make him gut laugh so hard he cries and hugs me in appreciation.  He makes me feel like a Goddess because he puts my needs and wishes before his.  He can’t stand how my creative soul dances across the spectrum of things to do.  I want to punch him for trying to fix my problems.  I make him feel like a valuable man by telling him how proud of him I am.  He fills me up by believing in me.  It’s simple, we see each other as flawed, perfect, and whole.  We see our relationship as flawed, perfect, and whole.

He is a divine masculine who serves me because it makes him happy to see me feel beautifully pampered.  I am a divine feminine who feeds him with gratitude and purpose.  We are whole in our individual selves and whole in our oneness.  And we keep choosing each other.

It is Winter Solstice, the return of the sun...the return of all the masculine energy that comes with the sun.  As I'm stirring the cosmic waves of the Solstice this year my heart has flooded with gratitude for this man in my life.  He embodies the beauty, service, and power of the divine masculine.  I appreciate his BEing all that he is.  I believe that we need to honor the man/men who provide this earth the qualities masculine.  I offer a holla' out to all the good men out there who are wild, who are warriors at heart, who dare to brave the unjust world without violence in order to remain here and love their women.  The mystery of the Man is to be seen and allowed, not refined and corralled.  Welcome back, powerful masculine sun energy.  May this year be a year of healing and hearing our good Men.

The Medicine of Questioning

What if every person was in their own authentic bubble, absolutely loving who they are and filling up their own space? Would the need to change others or feed off of others be gone? I believe I can only change myself, so naturally I need to look at my own bubble. I found it torn and leaking out all the amazing feeling of being me. And what do soul crafters do when they find something out of wholeness? We dig deep, own up, let go, and keep moving from the wild within... I have been healing wounds this year of not being accepted an appreciated for who I am.  I've been feeling so tossed around by the chasing of being accepted and loved in this life that I finally reached the blessed rock bottom (yes, I said BLESSED).  From the bottom, I heard that potent mirror inquiry of  "others not accepting and loving me for all of me is a reflection of something playing out within my wild inner world". This faces me front and center to the uncomfortable nudge that I am not accepting and loving all the faces of me. For, really, if I'm not accepting myself then I'm not bringing into my life others that will too. With this smack-up-side-the-head I grabbed my journal and went deeper.

This is what flowed:

What is the desire/drive/need behind wanting to change how others think, feel, believe, and choose?  What personal wound or trauma holds one in a place of needing to control others?  What positive movement is gained by only accepting those that only fit into one person's comfort zone?  Isn't this universe big enough for all to be supported?  Who's to say that what you disagree with isn't part of the evolution of humanity and it is necessary to the bigger picture that you aren't able to see?  And isn't it your choice in the moment to either grab onto the judgment line that leads to control and separation and dis-ease in life...or grab onto the possibility that there are no answers because there are too many answers...the possibility of what you dislike is actually a universal balancing that creates a wholeness to everything...the possibility that disagreeing too much with something brings you closer to becoming a version of it...the possibility that supporting every possibility without labeling or judging it will bring about the change and acceptance that every "group" claims they want.  Sure, the uncomfortable part of this is "can you actually DO this...in those every day moments?".  Can you have the awareness of the present WHILE knowing who you are well enough to support the other side?  Are you spending enough time talking to yourself and knowing who you are NOW....this week....this month...etc.?  How do you know what you agree with or disagree with, and does it really matter?  What happens when you know what is true?  How do you expect others to conform to your truth?  Why do you easily conform to others when you know it slows you down?

I mean...ummm...okay...yep, all good questions.  I find that taking a swim in a barrage of questions can lead to the freedom of not needing the answers.  Then, I can relax...surrender to the river and enjoy the down-stream floating of my life. Man, that feels good. To leisurely enjoy my life and savor every scent, sight, smell, and splash.

I am grateful for these senses.

A Growl Comin' From The Cave

*photocredit: thomas aquinas magquire

Surrounded by the cave, sacred fire burning well.

A gutteral rumbling echoed around me, sending shivers up my spine.

I thought, should I be scared? It's was hard to tell.

Then I realized this growl was inside of me and knew I was fine.

So, I got behind the growl and gave it some love. It needs to be seen.

It's language is not of words, more like energy that is big and pure.

It awakens the bones and shakes the core.  It is ge ntle, not mean.

No message, just the drive to do it my way.  This is for sure.

 

Yeppers, just call me cave woman, y'all! At least one part of me will answer to it. This growl....it had so much "umph" in it.  It had a pulse, a life force of pure motivation.  I kept asking it for a message and nothing came.  The message to me IS the growl.  The message to me is to use that growl as the engine behind my purpose.  There is no explaining or debate about it.  It is void of labels and boxes and judgement.  Simple energy....thrusting forward. Returning me home to myself. Keeping those who fear the growl at a distance.

Let's face it, not everyone likes a growl.

I'm the kind of person who hears thunder or an animal growl and it thrills me to my bones.  Some people hate it.  What kind are you?  Explore your inner responses to these questions.

Is there a growl in you?

Where in you body do you feel it?

How does it feel?

What triggers it?

What does it require from you to settle down and be loved?

We are heading into what is typically a crazy, frazzled season of holiday stuff.  This is a season where maybe one OD's on "have to's" and "shoulds", and the growl just may make an appearance or two.  I invite you to hold onto it with a listening heart, sit with it a breath or two, and love it...thank it for reminding you of what's going on inside.

 

 

Answering the Call of the Cave

Didn't think this was going to be shared.  But when the soul speaks, I listen.  So, anytime I offer soul inquiry on a video or a blog post; I myself take to the journal to answer the questions.  I do the work I offer you to do.  I walk beside you in process when you choose to dig deep too.  As a guide, I'm on the journey, the exploration with you.  So, my last blog post was an ass-kicker of a post in that I wasn't fully conscious of what was being written until it was done writing itself and the fire within impulsively sent it out anyway.  The questions at the end of the post were really gritty, and as I did the work of answering them it became clear to post my responses to share. Why?  Well, that is a good question.  My mind said "you're kidding, right? This is personal stuff, nobody wants to see this.  This makes me vulnerable and scared".  My heart said "ummm, yeah, this is scary but I get it. It feels like walking the talk. I feel naked, I feel like it's the right move to let the cave bare all.  I'm still scared though."  My soul said "there is more medicine in sharing then there is is teaching".

  • what is behind the avoidance of stillness? An incessant anxious fear that things don't get done in the stillness and things must get done!!! Thing is, getting all this outside stuff done makes me feel like I'm getting NOTHING done.  All the pushing is not a match for my centered power. Under THAT is the fear of owning the power beholden in the stillness...the truth that lies there calling me into something bigger...Under THAT is what if I loose what I love about my life when I step into that powerful truth from the stillness.  Under that is the courage to hold both what I love AND what is new because it feels exciting to take who and what I love with me into the adventure of awakening more.
  • what emotion pushes down the magic of an open heart? Exhaustion.  Feeling depleted and needing solitude.  Need better boundaries...compassionate boundaries...clear boundaries...
  • what thought is shackling creativity? Thinking that I'm pimping myself to the world with little return so why give out what isn't equally returned.   What I have to create is sacred to me so I must protect who sees it so it isn't tainted with the judgements and negative emotions it might stir in others.   And then I think why create at all if it means I've got to hide it.  This shackles me on the surface...but there is a deep resonate engine driving my creative inspirations upward and it is constantly pushing me forward regardless of the shackles that slow it down.  Is this what purpose does? Is this what purpose is?  A need to do or create something that the thinking mind could walk away from but the feeling and knowing never goes away.  Fuck, this is a trip into uncharted territory. 
  • who and what nurtures obstacles? (in order to protect the identity of the people, I've re-written this to be generally speaking) The agenda of so called diversity nurtures obstacles and the manipulation of this agenda not only nurtures but spreads the disease of separation which by itself is an obstacle.  (if this is unclear, you just may need to ask me about it sometime) The voices, tapes, and programs of "not doing it right", "not being trusted to handle things in a certain way" totally nurture my obstacles...I get that there is more than one way to do something, I just wish I could be treated with the same respect. Past and present people that hold me to my old patterns is a painful obstacle.  I nurture these obstacles by listening to the part of me that buys into this shit, that part of me that is wounded by this shit. That voice is clear, the rage around it is clear, and so it's easy to hear.  This part of me is so tiny, such a small pocket of who I am, but it,'s clarity is easy to see.  The rest of me, the bigger parts of me that are capable of helping this sad lil' part are not so clear...they are made of of air, fire, water, and earth...a bit more elusive and mysterious in their voice.  I guess I just need to be okay with this.  It helps to write this out, I see that I just need to spend some time loving and hearing that loud, wounded little piece of me.  There is powerful release of resistance in being heard.  I need to just take a moment, enter stillness with this piece and hear her wail, rage, and say all the gritty, dirty true things so they can become a different truth that his more helpful.  I also see that I'm nurturing obstacles by resisting the reorganization of people in my life.  Shits gotta shift.
  • who and what nurtures success? (again with the identity protection) Oh, my stars...am I blessed with a herd of truly amazing beings roaming with me in my inner circle or what?!?!  There are some true men that carry the medicine of the divine masculine and they inspire me to love my inner feminine. They are in service to those they love without keeping score...they serve because it feels good to, and this is a powerful gift.  I have a handful of women who transcend the energy around them.  These precious few close to my heart and soul are the ones who love all the versions of me, and I love all the versions of them. There is respect, and respect nurtures my desire to be successful...makes me feel like I can achieve it.  Feeling capable nurtures success.  A flexible structure nurtures success...solid foundation, flexible, evolving, remodeling all the time within the house on that solid foundation. Imbibing on creative actions nurture success.
  • what really matters? (the kind that when stripped from having STUFF, what stuff would you have?) Have a deep, true, happy and equal exchanging relationship with people that I love and that love me.  Those precious few that hold being authentic as a virtue.  I want relationships that breed feelings of elated joy, acceptance, challenge, growth, growth, accomplishment, perspective, connection, trust, and partnering...equal...diverse, learning from each other.  This is what matters to me...feeling in good relationship.
  • what do the feelings of what matters feel like? What kind of question is this?  Shit, it came from within me...weird.  Okay, gotta dig here...what matters feels like my heart is expanding so far out that I don't sense a boundary line.  What matters feels to me like this core truth that is so intrinsically woven into my soul that it has no language to speak it's message to my brain with....it is the heartbeat of my center.  What matters feels like pure energy flooding my muscles and bones and cells, providing respite from the aches and pains of the physical body.  What matters feels like wholeness in motion.

What does this sharing mean to you?

**please share if you are moved by this!

Embracing the Cave

So, this is what I've been doing: The hunt, the connection, the gift of food from Deer and Elk, the gift of truth from the wilderness, the gift of intimacy with the cycle of life.

20130928_095015

While hunting I was so happy and connected to the elements, the wildlife, the land.  I stood in the face of questioning what matters...does what I do matter... and took the time to dialogue with it.  And ironically the government shut down while I was out there and guess what...it didn't change my life or how I felt about my life because I was in a place that matters, doing something that matters. What may have been something that mattered to me didn't matter because I wasn't around it....hmmm. What matters is how I feel, how I am treated, and how I treat.

It's no surprise I've been going through some shedding and intentional transformation.  What I've failed at with this is to embrace the healing of the soul cave.  What I want to get out of this is a reframing of what matters so I can live that authentically. The call of the wild here on Earth was tremendously strong this hunting season and I'm seeing that the pull is due to me neglecting my inner wild.  My soul land needs some cleaning. And to see what needs cleaned I need to go where it's dark.

I have begrudgingly returned to "civilization" with the realization that I've been resisting a much needed respite into my cave.  I've mentioned to a few friends "oh, I'm in my cave", yet I let my mind pound me with guilt for not getting this done or responding to that thing, blah...blah...blah!  Oh! Or the shit-storm of feeling "less than" because I haven't rocked out a goal or what I said last year isn't working for me this year. And pushing through my "get-r-done" list as though there is a deadline.  I'm feeling too scripted and it is sucking my energy.

I crave the deep darkness that my self care demands right now.

I've decided to take a break from my work and take myself on a quest into my cave.  I need to announce this so I can fully surrender to the cave and not feel the nudging of my "should's" and to-do's.  My wish is to come out of the cave with incredible magic, creation, and circles to hold.  And I'm going to release my grip on what that will look like.  I don't know how long this cave will hold me, and my wish is to return with all of you in tact on the blog list and social media.

In the meantime....inquiry for us to mull over:

  • what is behind the avoidance of stillness?
  • what emotion pushes down the magic of an open heart?
  • what thought is shackling creativity?
  • who and what nurtures obstacles?
  • who and what nurtures success?
  • what really matters? (the kind that when stripped from having STUFF, what stuff would you have?)
  • what do the feelings of what matters feel like?

I bless that you take care of you and honor the stuff that makes you YOU.

I'm releasing my grip on the have-to's and should's and embracing my cave fully.  I'll "see" you when it is time to emerge. Blessed be, Nissa

Unclear, But Moving Forward

Again, another month without a video.  This morning I decided to stop whiny inside my head about not being in a place to do a video. and just write instead.  And trust me, I'm doing you a favor...

It's not pretty around here right now.

My superman is healing well, grumpy as hell, soul searching his shit, and to my elation he his becoming even MORE of a superman to me. It's like his body being broken has set free his inner vision, and will all our time together lately I'm seeing how strong and wise and wonderful he really is.  Consequently, I'm pulling triple duty so, oh man...the bags under my eyes are really not camera friendly right now!

In an effort to bolster our finaces while he's out of work I drug out an elk hide and began fleshing, scraping, soaking, loving, and creating sacred sound makers.  Yep, it's a bit stinky but it is deeply creative to birth a sacred item. If you are interested in one, contact me. (Pictures of the curing process are the featured image!)

Oh, and homeschool started this week...so, yeah, no video right now.

And now, here's the gritty stuff.  I am in that itchy, scratchy, jittery state of transformation.  I am really feeling the snake in myself as it sheds skin. (and of course I found a full snake skin the other day in my wood pile) I have been feeling all year that Inquire Within isn't it anymore.  That I need to rebirth my purpose under a new name, a new path, new boundaries and I desire so deeply the clarity to do this all. I've journey, meditated, and prayed and the messages or insights I get are definitely what I need to hear...just not the easy "to do list" of clarity I was wanting to hear.

I'm unclear how to, but I'm still moving forward.

I cannot paint the picture yet of what this will look like.  I only smell the excitement of aligning my actions with my feelings.  And I feel the weight of the old skin as an intense burn of motivation to get it done.  This month I will be recreating a new website under my new working name and at some point be able to announce it's arrival to you.  I will be diggin' deep to locate the direction that feels amazing in my bones and honestly look at what I want to do.

I have visions and feelings of holding the space for women to gather and soul craft.

I feel this so deeply that I am kinda confused as to why it's not happening yet.  And frustrated about it too, which only makes that itch of the shedding skin more intense and more motivating to let go of.

I have a deep desire to impact my subscribers and followers in a way that inspires them to craft their soul and free them Selves to run wild and free.

I am digging deep, letting my whole and authentic Self do the remodeling of this trans-formative fire.  I am not clear, but I'm moving forward.  I have no flippin' clue how this will all get done, but I'm slithering through the grass...sensing every ripple and flowing my course with that.

Now you know what is happening...Inquire Within is coming off and Soul Crating is emerging from under the skin of my soul.  Ahhhhh, feels good to be in the center of the fire.

Is there a piece of yourSelf that is itching to be shed?  In what ways do you ignore it?  What is under the skin, aching to emerge in you?

~~~~~~~

Nissa is a wild woman intuitive, writer, Shamanic practitioner and Soul Crafter. You can experience one on one sessions with her to awaken more of who you are through shamanic energy medicine. Either in person or online.  Contact her to schedule your appointment.

How to stop the stories...

Know how you feel. Give voice to what you feel, then shut up and flow with it. Not too long ago I was in an journey with the intention to get some guidance in my life.  I was shown that it is not often that I just say how I feel.  More often I tell the story of what is around how I feel and use the emotion as an exclamation point.  I was shown how this actually perpetuates any negativity to my emotion and...

REPEATING THE STORY STOPS THE STORY FROM EVOLVING INTO WISDOM.

I was shown that how I feel...my emotions...are huge bundles of energy and power.  Mostly power.  They move, they shake, they spring into action, they cradle and hold, they are magnificent keys to my energetic freedom.  Then I was shown that when the emotions are simply stated without a supporting story, the emotion is free to evolve into wisdom .  That giving the emotion voice, gives that emotion fluid truth. And the second I begin to add reasons, justifications, and story to it, the emotion becomes an attached block.  And when emotions are blocked they cause damage to the soul, body and mind.  When emotions are fluid, they flow through quickly without damaging the soul, body, and mind.

FOR EXAMPLE...

"I am having anger about this".  Notice the wording here. Having anger denotes a temporary experience of it.  Let's say your partner has done something that just pissed you off.  Declaring your emotion for it and sitting in the space of your emotion without a story around it allows you to feel it fully and authentically.  And then it will move on...move through you completely...and you can approach the solution clearly, calmly and with freedom of spirit.  Now, if you plan to try this practice on for yourself...I suggest you tell your partner what you are up to so you both have the space to be different.

Now, lets take the same pissed-off-ness in the same situation and it goes like this: "How could you? What were you thinking? This is the kind of shit that_________________. I am so mad at you! etc..." What happens here is the questions build a story around the thing.  The questions also create more problems and negative energy.  It engages the other person to create their version of the story...making the story twice as powerful and energetically charged.

Back down again.  Here it is in bullet points...I love bullet points

  • give your emotion a voice...example:"I feel sad"
  • shut the mouth and mind trap for awhile and feel the full purity of said emotion....maybe a time out, or some journaling?
  • when the emotion has flowed through, ask your Self "what do I want out of this"
  • then go from there by acting on the wanting.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOUR FEELINGS.

We have every right to feel what we feel...to let those emotions have fluid power and truth.  And those around us have every right to feel what they feel.  So, as you give yourself freedom from the story, support others in attaining their freedom of the their stories.

WE MAY FIND A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION TO LISTENING.

I've been using this since it was gifted to me in that journey and it has been a huge asset in the whole being "unscripted" thing.  And the listening thing is transforming as well.  I ask a lot let questions.  Say less of the shit that doesn't matter.  And finding adventure in the uncomfortable silences.

What do you feel about this?

A Love Letter to Love

So, I wonder if any of you wondered if you were missing a video this month of August....It's not lost in the google/gmail restructuring.

CONFESSION: my muse was on vacation.

And I have to say that since last month's video of living/speaking unscripted...I just couldn't force it and feel good about the end product.  Plus there was the Telepathic Communication Practicum I was heavily involved with and just this week my Hubby fractured a vertebrae so that has my life on slip and slide mode.  Which isn't so bad when you inject the unscripted practice into crisis...there has been less shit for me to clean up by way of really saying what is true and not what is "scripted" AND by way of having presence in every moment more and more.

So when it comes to not getting that promised video out...I'm in a place of "it's okay" and "I'd be more proud of it when it's authentic, so I'm not forcing this".

I trust you all understand and I hope you take this as inspiration to treat yourself the same way.

I have been lucky enough to be granted an online Spirit Writing course by Amy Lee Czadzeck. And up until Practicum camp time I was at week 4 in the 8 week course.  This course makes my head buzz and hum and tingle...literally.  I feel held in the discovery of my writing.  I feel held BY my writing. Anyway... I am playing catch up and working on week 5 which has the prompt of writing a love letter.

So I wrote a love letter to Love.

Dear Love,

It has occurred to me that I don't show you enough appreciation for your presence in my life.  I haven't given you the love or credit you deserve.  Today, I write this love letter to you and trust that it will nourish you.

You have been in my life since the beginning...before the beginning.  You have been an undercurrent of power and life force behind every tiny moment of my life. I'm beginning to realize that behind every trauma, drama, wound...behind every mask I have ever had or encountered, you are found at some layer of these things.  You just are there; waiting, listening, flowing, holding, and loving.  I feel like you are always there for me and I want to tell you that I know I haven't always been there for you.  I love you for having a limitless source for me to connect to.  This is such a beautiful and authentic power that makes you YOU.

How can you always be there in service to every moment of life? I am fascinated by this and want to know more about how you are YOU and Love...you are perfect.  You are clean.  You are beauty. You are what makes everything whole.

You flow through the light and the dark...bringing your SELF as an available life force.

I want to let you know that I would not be here without you.  I give you this gift: I choose to see you, love you, and allow you to flow through all my moments. I want to have you, feel you, know you, and show you.

I am ecstatic to have you in my life. I desire to deepen our relationship.  Thank you for hanging in there with me, loving me, as I untie the binds of resistance to you.

Sincerely, Nissa

Anyway...I totally recommend this course when she offers it again.  (click on her name to go to her website)

What is your relationship to Love?

 

 

 

 

 

Knowing Who You Are

Who are you?

A question that haunts many a human heart and mind.  For those who answer the calling of this question, it seems to ignite a spirit of searching, wondering, and exploration.  The seeker becomes like Indiana Jones, the answer to this question becomes like the treasure Indie is scouring the world for.  And like Indie, finding this treasure is all consuming in one's life.  The thrill of attaining the coveted prize (the answer to who you are) puts everyone in a place where all there is, is this treasure.  The hunt for it creates a series of obstacles, villains to overcome, and a comedy of errors for you to look at later and laugh about.  And, like Indie, when one treasure is found, there is another one to uncover.  So.....

What if this is a question that is best left unanswered?

Or a treasure left un-found?  If the attaining of an answer or a treasure or a goal only leads to a brief ya-hoo followed by a dismissal of the hard won path to get there, then one isn't really living the answer they receive. How many memories or life-filled moments are missed or ignored at the expense of searching to figure out who you are?  What if never answering the question "who am I" gives you the freedom to see and feel and be who you are because you aren't feverishly focused on this far off treasure? 

What if the answer to "who am I" is a remembering, not a discovery?

Just thinking out loud...

In Soul Retrieval , the bits and pieces of your soul are returned to your present consciousness and they bring with them the ingredients of your soul that have been tossed aside or forgotten.  This is such a gift.  Remembering that you have this potential or that dream or this gift or that truth. It is a remembering of a part of you.  I love doing Soul Retrievals for this reason.  To witness one's remembering of wholeness and who they are, is beautiful.  It's like the treasure is found from within...it's been there the whole time...and there is so much to remember.

What if the remembering is a beginning again?

And it's a new beginning every time you remember who you are.  A real-time, present moment choice to shift back into who you are...just as you are...no crazy life-threatening escapades to find the treasure that is your authentic, whole Self.

What if "who you are" is a choice you make in every moment?

To feel what you want to feel, and choosing actions that move you into the feeling of your truth. What would you be doing differently?  Would you speak to yourself differently?  Imagine the view from wholeness!

Shadow Medicine

The medicine of the shadow has been following and embracing me since early winter.  It is incredibly comforting to me.  In the dark of the wheel of the year it made sense that this medicine was holding me and excavating the wounds of the ego.  It is not lost on me the "interesting" irony that in the vibrant light bringing of Spring, my shadow work is still in full pedal to the metal.

My light shines brighter in the dark.

I'm realizing that my darkness is not the same entity as my shadow.  The dark thoughts or actions that hold me back are voices from my wounds.  My shadow is where I go to hear these things out, to see them clearly with how they feel; not what they say.  I haven't met anything yet that hides in my shadow that simply desires being heard and healed.  My shadow is an innate healer of these things, the things of ego.  My light is also an innate healer of my actions and my choices. Both make up my true Self.

The more relationship I build with my shadow, the more I experience how compassionate it is because to "see" in the shadow is to feel (not analyze or judge).  This is a place of being fully present and intentional with my process.

Tomorrow, Lorri Woodmansee of Soul Revolution Radio, and I will be discussing more of this topic and I will be offering a guided journey meditation to conduct an introduction to our helpful, healing shadow.

Perspective and intention is everything!

 

 

Back to Reflection

My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.

 

Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop. www.inquirewithin.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sneak peak into my own shit!

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com I love this quote.  I have this quote on my fridge.  I have used this quote as advice and as medicine.  I have had this quote bite me in the ass with my hubby when I realized my perception of him was a reflection of me.  (yep, that one stung a bit).  This quote has been an ah-ha game changer in my Self as it has freed me to not take things personally.  Or I should say it gave me the affirmational voice in my head to focus on when I began to take something personally.  This may not be the only time I write about this quote as I have found it applies to many topics.

Lately I've been mucking through this topic of "taking a day off".  It's a hot one right now in my life since I've been hearing it from so many people.  From people I love and I know love me and I feel that they have valid concern, as I have been working an ass ton....and I love it!  Truth be told, I find gettin' 'er done and working on building this career of mine a creative outlet.  When I'm in a creative flow I am inspired, excited, learning, growing, challenging myself, and feel like I have purpose.  It's hard to just walk away from all that feel-good momentum.  Plus, building a career, writing a book, self-marketing, yada-yada-yada takes work, focus, and sacrifice of time.  Whoa, kinda sounds like I'm trying to justify it...doesn't it?  Well, instead of backspacing and deleting that last sentence (in bold), I can use this as a teachable moment. Here's the lesson kids: when you have an awareness of yourself not speaking your truth, then you must STOP, ask yourself "who", "what", "how".

Who am I trying to convince?  "the exhausted part of me that is tired and running on empty.  I feel this in my mind and it's thinking tank is getting low...it's thunk way too much, for too long with and needs refueling."

What is really true for me? "to take some worries and fears off the table.  I can feel these taking up the thinking reserves that I want to have for my work. Everything before that bold sentence is true for me and to keep it true I must have fuel to let it continue living true for me"

How do I bring this into my truth? "first; locate, identify, and heal the heart of the worries and fear. Second; schedule some time off!"

Funny, this is not how I thought this post would go, however, a teachable moment is hard to pass up.  And my desire is that you are inspired to use this example to benefit you too!  I am chuckling at the irony of it all.  So...what just happened here?  I caught myself delivering a sentence that didn't flow as truth to my Self.  And instead of pretending it didn't happen, I used the STOP; who, what, how, truth exploration tool.  In doing so, I can see and acknowledge that I do in fact need rest and bring some of my energy resources into a full and balanced state.  I already feel less buzzing in my mind, I feel more relaxed, and I feel more deserving of the time of.  All because I took the few moments necessary to look at what is true to my Self.  Wow, this never gets old or less amazing.  Instant relief, different perspective, and the answers to my questions have given me a map of what I need to work on.  Looks like I'll be doing some energy medicine on myself this week!  I need to see what wound or imbalance is using worry and fear to take up my thinking energy...and why it has decided to present itself now.  Then I will heal it from there.  I'm thinking a dose of extraction followed by thought form/belief re-programming; a dash of power filling, and a topping of soul retrieval and I will get this tank full again.

To honor this process and the reflected answers to the "who, what, how" part one of the "how" answer is to do some energy medicine on those worries and fear (have that scheduled for myself on Thursday). Secondly, I have looked at my calendar and have found a weekend in June that I will take as my "time off".  I plan on hitting the road with my mattress in the truck bed, my food, my camping supplies and my laptop for writing.  I want to hit some campgrounds.  Hike, write, and eat.  (my version of eat, pray, love)  And for anyone who is thinking that writing is still working...well, is that your perception of me.....?

Since my original thought topic has been derailed by that sentence of non-truth, let's put this train back on the track for the next post. It is not lost on me that I began discussing a day off which indicates self-care, and I have ended up writing about how to take care of the Self in the moment. HAHA.  Seriously, this is too much fun.

Till next time..

Re-blog: from I speak in dreams

I have been honored with the gift of being featured on another blogger's site.  She really knows how to make someone sound amazing....after reading this, I want to make an appointment with myself! I have been waiting for the time to re-blog this, so here it is!  Please enjoy.

Soul Crafting ~ Inquire Within

The dawn of the new age has begun. 2013 is a conduit for all of our transmuting, changes, and renewals for our upcoming transformations and rebirths. Over the next few months I will be writing up a weekly post in gratitude to those I have met over the years who have guided me during some moment on my journey. These same people I feel an abundance of gratitude for, are amazing souls who spend their time working towards the greater good within humanity — in both waking and dreaming.

I have a feeling that many of these people I introduce to you – over the next few months — you may find yourself connecting with some of them, with an inner pull to contact (one or two of) them this year, as you emerge forward on your own path of healing and transformation.

This first week I would like to thank Nissa from Inquire Within. She is an amazing and empowering Shamanic Practitioner who has cultivated the art of healing others through Soul Crafting. What is Soul Crafting, you may be asking… are you intrigued?? Before I share with you Nissa’s magical Soul Crafting let me tell you how Nissa and I met. Our first encounter was at a Shamanic Training Workshop held at Light Song School one weekend in September a few years back. 5 months later we found ourselves back in the second level shamanic training together and after our second meeting we instantly connected, like a soul sister I lost lifetimes ago….. finally reunited again. Nissa, my earthly soul sister, continued through all of Light Song Trainings as I found that my ethereal soul needed to continue down another path of teachings. Although our paths separated when we encountered a fork in our roads, we both continued our soul’s training towards a similar purpose – healing, guiding, and teaching others to embrace and tend to their soul’s purpose. My natural medium-ship abilities, within my dreamtime, are similar to Nissa’s natural healing abilities during her sessions in waking.

Soul Crafting: “When you inquire within you engage the reflective, investigative, bravery of your awakening to look at the landscape of the inner world.  Your wounds, fears, shadows, predators, thought forms, successes, lessons and strengths all make up ingredients and elements of the inner word.  Soul Crafting is the action of molding the ingredients found while inquiring within and crafting them into a soul of your creation, intention and purpose.  This is done through healing the source of the wounds, traumas, fears, and thought forms that hold you hostage.

Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

About Nissa:I use Shamanic energy medicine and such ceremonies as soul retrieval, power animal retrieval, spirit release, extractions, and death ceremony to guide through the individual crafting of a soul. I facilitate classes, and play-shops to provide skill set practice of journeying and intuitive guidance.  Inquiring within and soul crafting are a spiraling dance together that when employed with intention and trust lead one to discovering their truth, and becoming more of who they really are.”

Although Nissa and I are busy and rarely get a chance to get together, she is a support system for me, she is part of my soul group and just a phone call / email away when either of us needs a little insight, or reassurances, at the moments we happen to stumble along our path. Thank You Nissa! Blessings to all Nissa cultivates and manifests for her self and others along her path during the Dawn of the New Age.

Why don’t you spend some time this year and inquire within. Learn more about Nissa, Soul Crafting, her classes, and the act of tending to your Soul through enchanted healing visit: http://inquirewithin.me

“Inquiring within explores the wilderness of your inner world. It plays with the shadows and the light to bring awakening and perspective.  It is the energy medicine sessions, the classes, and the daily choice to have an awake soul.  When all of these elements are employed, it is a balanced path that is the art and the act of becoming who you are.” ~Nissa, www.inquirewithin.me

Nissapic

http://wp.me/p7JWP-101

Take a dose of exhaustion and call me in the morning...

When life is buzzing with opportunity and movement and creativity, we stay busy.  In fact, as we are creators of our life, if we didn't keep up with the flow we'd be pissing on the very things that we asked for.  Seems silly and bit of a waste of our power if we didn't honor the influx of open doors that we in asked for in the first place.  And boy, isn't the ride a fun one?!  Lots of energy bursts, to do lists, inspiration downloads, and moments of "woo-hoo", this is happening! Shadow side...not a lot of rest time or days off.  And then one day, you wake up ready to tackle your lists and get your productive groove on; but the body slumps, the mind checks out, and the eyes have that mellow heaviness.  Exhaustion is taking a vacation in you, so why not take the medicine of and exhaustion vacation?

It really isn't reasonable nor balanced to never rest, and sometimes we have to hit a wall to take the hint.  And in this final month of hibernation, I say we all take an energetic dose of exhaustion medicine and call our to do lists in the morning.