Can bad news be good news?

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When is bad news good news?

 

This morning I pulled some Wildwood Tarot cards for myself. I wanted some insight guidance on this path I'm on as I create my first E-circle. (which begins July 10th....shameless plug that you can still get in on the goodness) Anyway, I took some time for myself before shooting my welcome video for the group. I know how this upcoming work feels. I know that it will rock. I know that it will be a perfect unfolding for each and every one of us in the space created. As I was swirling in this knowing, I also felt a bit unsure of who I am through this. Yes, I'm the guide, the space holder, and a participant. Yet, I felt there is more at play here. I felt a wave of memories come over me...I've been on this path for a LONG time and only now am I actually moving along the path. Those memories and the ME in them are floating around like a ghost. An the ME in this moment is having strong boundaries with my former Self because where I'm at and where I'm going doesn't have room for the past I've already forgiven. This ghost of a Me from what seems like lifetimes ago is just that...a ghost. So what is it doing haunting my present?

I can be over the the past, but can the past be over me?

 

Feels like a sick joke played at my expense. HA! Jokes on them or it or whatever, because I've got this tarot deck reading! Okay, so, back to that. The spread ended with the outcome of the Blasted Oak. Which is the Hanged Man and the Tower card combined. These cards turn things upside down, inside out, and crumble it all to the ground at the end of the day. These are the cards that when show up carry a "da-daa-dunnn" and one braces for the bad news or braces for a blow of some sort. I totally had that moment when I saw it in my outcome. I feel SO sure, I feel SO good about what I'm creating and doing, how can it have this destructive outcome? In the midst of this panic I heard a subtle but undeniable "NO" in my gut. So, I held that card to my heart and moved into the stillness of my centered soul. I saw that ghost of Nissa's past explode into many bits. Destroying the lies of perfection equals worthiness. Destroying the lies of mistakes being a sin. Destroying the pain of the guilt and doubt from mistakes made. Yeah....burn, baby, burn. Destroy the form of my limitations, please! Welcome Blasted Oak! Crumble all that hasn't evolved into the present with me. And thank you for bringing me the goodness of your bad news.

 

Perspective changes things. Sometimes I have to hold the bad news, drag it into my centered soul and dig for the launching pad to a higher perspective. Work well done.

 

What in your life could use some destruction? Where in  your life do you need a broader perspective?

 

Blessed Be,

Nissa

 

Wanna do some Inner World weeding?

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Do you have a Word for the year?

create2014 We are nearing the end of January. Did you do new years resolutions? If yes, how many of them are still in play? If no, why not?

I broke up with new years resolutions YEARS ago because I realized the failure and self disappointment I felt when they fell short was not worth feeling. At the end of 2012, I saw on the Facebook world women announcing their word for the upcoming 2013 year.  So I stalked their posts and clicked on the free downloads to guide one to their word of the year. I found it to be kinda-crazy-awesome. I loved the idea of working with one word for a whole year. To have a simple focus on it. To have a complex understanding of it through experience and life.

2013...my word was opportunity. And the ripples of experience met with holding myself present in order to bring in the focus of opportunity. I found all the heavy challenges thrown my way as opportunities, therefore I responded to them more positively. I found the awesome moment more vibrant and magical, therefore I allowed myself to feel the joy and fun more. It was a roller coaster year that I look back on as incredible learning and wisdom and self exploration. Looking back at 2013, I feel connected to opportunity and realize I created a relationship to it, and I let it change me. A-ha! I finally feel an accomplished and successful resolution played out in my life. I had to simplify my focus to amplify my results.

Simple doesn't mean easy.

And I value the lessons of my opportunities because this is true for me. Building a relationship to opportunity in a simple way brought me to the complexities of understanding deeply what opportunity is. For me, it became a work out for my "space holding" muscles. It became a wide open field for me to run free in. It became a nurturing cave to lick my wounds and begin again. Gratitude doesn't even scratch the surface.

Entering 2014, finding my word was much like being in a labyrinth.  Searching in one direction, following the scent and BAM, a wall....nope, this isn't the one. But I kept following the scent. I had to dig deep and I found myself surrounded by the truth of a word that scares the shit out of me a bit. This word takes me to deeply disappointed places where judgements, criticisms, and abandonment have very loud voices. Stepping into the home of this word and these voices will require me to allow myself to be emotional, vulnerable, and warrior....terrifying; a battle for more. It incites anxiety and excitement and child like open-hearted-ness. It will require me to own it, take credit, and give. And this word is....

CREATE

This month of getting to know my word I have been on the "first date" high. We giggle and play and flirt. And I have been giving it full attention, which is why I haven't blogged in over a month. I am already creating. I am looking forward every day while staying present...in the moment...performing the tasks of creating.  Held by constant flow of inspiration and dreams. Held in the accomplishments of: book content, art-work for divination cards, loving moments with my family, and forgiveness for the judgey critics. Feels good.

Do you have a word for the year? Share it here! Do you want one? Below are the links I used to guide me through discovering mine.

http://www.susannahconway.com/2013/12/lets-make-some-magic-in-2014/

http://christinekane.com/how-to-make-2014-successful-prosperous-and-magical/

 

I thought I was coming out of my cave...

Really!  The cauldron of creativity has been stirring, the cackles of creation were echoing through my cave...filling up the darkness with life and excitement.  For weeks I've been transforming a soul craft program into an online format and I was ready to come out of my cave and offer this to the world.  I was and still am, very excited  about where this program is going...it's just not going the way I had originally thought.  See, the online platform I'd been working on wasn't upfront about how they deliver the product and when I recently found out that anyone who would purchase this program would then be email harrassed by this company.  That is a deal breaker for me.  This company was also not very clear about their fee structure and it was quickly becoming a situation of who really owns my stuff?  Deal breaker number 2.  Now what?

In the meantime....

Mask flare-up number 1: "I put it out there that this would be offered this week...shit...I'm gonna look like a flaky idiot who can't deliver."

Mask flare-up number 2:  "This is what you get for relying on an outside source.  You can't trust anyone."

Mask flare up number 3:  "It's probably not that good anyway, and that is why it didn't work out. It's not meant to be 'out there' "

What is behind those masks...

Behind mask number 1 is the memory of a childhood riddled with expectations of perfection and judgment of people who are free-spirited. (BTW, I'm a free spirit)

Behind mask number 2 is a fucking list of people and situations that have validated a plethora of reasons trust isn't a "play well with others" activity.  Some of these people and situations are not so distant in memory...this year in fact.

Behind mask number 3 (anyone else feeling like this is a game show?!?!) is quite simply the woundedness of failing.

The medicine I'm taking...

#1: I AM a creative free spirit who is passionate about creating something that comes from my soul and that doesn't have a concrete "look".  Being free allows me to say "no" even mid-stream...because the price of going forward and it not feeling right is to high.  The price of humble pie is MUCH more affordable.

#2: Trusting myself first gives me the fortitude to keep trusting others regardless of the wounds. Trusting myself and my path and my choices reminds me that everyone is in their own journey of mistakes and that the situation that created the mistrust could have just been a bad day on there part.  It doesn't feed my soul to hold it against them for a possible bad day or poor judgment in the moment.  We are all trying our best at this human thing.  Trust & compassion for myself gives me what I need to have trust & compassion for others.

#3: It feels so fucking good to create, to follow inspirations, to build upon the breath of ideas.  THIS is what matters...begin again, and again, and again.

What now?

I'm slinking back into that luscious shadowy cave that holds me like the Mother my heart craves for.  I realized this morning during the inner world exploration I've shared with you here, is that the cave is such a natural state for me. I am strongest, happiest, and most creative when I'm in here.  What if this is my authentic state?  And what if I don't have to leave to be successful and "out there"? What if I am the cave, my fire glowing from the center...guiding those to me that seek the warmth and the rest and the magic that lies in The Cave?  What if?

What does this mean for my program?  My mind thinks it means that there are lots of options to explore and to keep it simple.  My heart feels open and sad and ready to tell me of the revisions it wants to make to the program.  My soul knows that all is as it should be. This isn't a set back.  This is a change of direction that takes us to a more beautiful place.

I'd love to hear from you!

What kind of program formats would you like to see?  Full PDF with whole program, links, videos, audios, etc. that you can do at your own pace?  A more live, interactive format with live video chats and such?  Do you prefer in-person only learning?  Or something else?   Does it matter?

Love who you are, warts and all!

 

A Love Letter to Love

So, I wonder if any of you wondered if you were missing a video this month of August....It's not lost in the google/gmail restructuring.

CONFESSION: my muse was on vacation.

And I have to say that since last month's video of living/speaking unscripted...I just couldn't force it and feel good about the end product.  Plus there was the Telepathic Communication Practicum I was heavily involved with and just this week my Hubby fractured a vertebrae so that has my life on slip and slide mode.  Which isn't so bad when you inject the unscripted practice into crisis...there has been less shit for me to clean up by way of really saying what is true and not what is "scripted" AND by way of having presence in every moment more and more.

So when it comes to not getting that promised video out...I'm in a place of "it's okay" and "I'd be more proud of it when it's authentic, so I'm not forcing this".

I trust you all understand and I hope you take this as inspiration to treat yourself the same way.

I have been lucky enough to be granted an online Spirit Writing course by Amy Lee Czadzeck. And up until Practicum camp time I was at week 4 in the 8 week course.  This course makes my head buzz and hum and tingle...literally.  I feel held in the discovery of my writing.  I feel held BY my writing. Anyway... I am playing catch up and working on week 5 which has the prompt of writing a love letter.

So I wrote a love letter to Love.

Dear Love,

It has occurred to me that I don't show you enough appreciation for your presence in my life.  I haven't given you the love or credit you deserve.  Today, I write this love letter to you and trust that it will nourish you.

You have been in my life since the beginning...before the beginning.  You have been an undercurrent of power and life force behind every tiny moment of my life. I'm beginning to realize that behind every trauma, drama, wound...behind every mask I have ever had or encountered, you are found at some layer of these things.  You just are there; waiting, listening, flowing, holding, and loving.  I feel like you are always there for me and I want to tell you that I know I haven't always been there for you.  I love you for having a limitless source for me to connect to.  This is such a beautiful and authentic power that makes you YOU.

How can you always be there in service to every moment of life? I am fascinated by this and want to know more about how you are YOU and Love...you are perfect.  You are clean.  You are beauty. You are what makes everything whole.

You flow through the light and the dark...bringing your SELF as an available life force.

I want to let you know that I would not be here without you.  I give you this gift: I choose to see you, love you, and allow you to flow through all my moments. I want to have you, feel you, know you, and show you.

I am ecstatic to have you in my life. I desire to deepen our relationship.  Thank you for hanging in there with me, loving me, as I untie the binds of resistance to you.

Sincerely, Nissa

Anyway...I totally recommend this course when she offers it again.  (click on her name to go to her website)

What is your relationship to Love?

 

 

 

 

 

Back to Reflection

My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.

 

Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop. www.inquirewithin.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me, and my Shaaadow!

Stars can't shine without the darkness. ~unknown~ I am currently enrolled in a 5 week course through a terrific site called SouLodge.  In this autumn season the lodge session is focusing on shadow work.  It is a dark, delicious realm of my inner world that has surprisingly opened my heart.  I went into this course thinking it would be a dirty, gutted, heavy journey.  So far, every interaction with my shadow and my darkness has brought me an uplifted-ness and fullness I wasn't expecting.  Although, I guess I am getting what I expected, just in a different expression of it.  I'm dirty with mud of playfulness, I'm gutted in the sense that I want my light to be spilling out from my center at all times, and I am heavy with a nourished soul.

My unexpected reaction to this work has me wondering why shadow work brings me so much happiness?  The shadow isn't shrinking or having more light to take over the darkness.  My shadow is presenting me with so many slaps and punches, and I am giddy when they hit.  I take them in and throw them into my inner cauldron like ingredients to yummy cookies...anxiously drooling in the wait for the end result of warm, chewy goodness.

My mind says: "What is so delicious about getting punched and slapped with my own shit?"

My heart says: "How and Why does the pain/fear/etc, open me?"

My soul says: "It's like finding a kidnapped child... it is a part of you returning home for love and care and safety."

Some of the journeys I've done for my work in SouLodge have brought me some great messages, visuals, and insights.  I would like to share them here.

  • Our darkness, our shadow, is a place for us to recharge and know more of what makes us shine.  It is a place within to gather our purpose, heighten our senses, gain strength, and to FEEL deeper.  Cultural conditioning, wounds, traumas, etc. can project our shadow as a predator which instills fear, but the shadow is NOT to be feared. It is not a predator, the ego and the need to be right are predators.
  • My shadow is the night time, my unwounded wild Self is the day time.  Reflection: each time cycle has its purpose in our outer world, and the same goes for the inner world.  Let the day time shine life giving light, let the night time radiate it's mystery. Together they are in perfect harmony.  Not allowing the shadow to live it's portion of the time cycle creates the imbalance the ego needs to project a predator into the psyche.
  • Shadow is sacred.  My shadow is full and nourished, I listen to it very well, I embrace it openly.  What is getting in my way is the egoic mind chatter of wounded-ness.  The egoic fear that puts up unnecessary walls.  The egoic search for meaning and approval outside of myself.
  • My shadow is the inner healer for my egoic wounds.  My true self is the inner healer for my heart.  And my soul is the inner world landscape where all of this resides.

Shadow work is sacred soul work to clean up the egoic trash that litters the pristine forest of my inner world.  For all the slaps and punches I'm taking right now from my shadow, I am deeply grateful for the pain, the learning, the wisdom, the growth, and the healing.

For more on these SouLodge sessions, go to www.soulodge.com

For more on my work in the realm of empowerment, go to www.inquirewithin.me

Blessings of shadow whispering truth to you, and the healing it is always doing on the ego! And so it is!

In The Balance

Three mornings ago I was up by the moon light shining on my face.  I decided to heed her call, made the coffee, poured it into my favorite mug, swaddled myself in a blankie, and meandered onto my back balcony.   I leaned into the railing and drank in the silvery glow of the moon.  Her light caressed the leaves and fruits of my garden, while the darkness still danced on the underside of the plants.  I felt my face illuminated with the strong mystery of the moon, and I felt myself pull into the still of my inner world.  I remained in the silvery darkness, the powerful stillness, and allowed myself to go deeper and deeper.  Uncovering meaning in the moment. After simmering in this magic of the moon, the sun began to stretch his rays into the sky on the other side of the earth.  The moon was still out and radiating her beauty, but the light of day began to step up.  The garden still glowing silver, and with an added ingredient of a new day.  The Eastern horizon kept grabbing my attention from the direction of the moon, so back and forth my open eyes veered.  Back and forth my heart desired the illuminated darkness of the moon and the promised newness of the sun.  Back and forth my soul gathered the radiance and wisdom of both.

By now, the sun had reached an equal billing of power as the moon.  Both energies standing in perfect unity on this planet without one being greater than the other.  This was a brief moment, but a profound moment that brought me to a place of balance I had not yet experienced.   A place of balance within that gave me a fresh pair of eyes to view myself with, a new voice to forgive myself with, and a new door in my soul to open and explore the world within.  This moment has been percolating for days, unfolding more and more of the whole picture that was in this moment of balance.

Then...it shifted...the moon kissed the sun and the sky good night,  turned her attention away and began a journey downward.  The sun grew in his power and the warmth began to glow.  The leaves and fruits of my garden were caressed in golden morning rays as the shadows lightened underneath.   A sense of rebirth, purity, new beginnings, and growth filled up the sky, the earth, the rest of the morning.  What an incredible gift this time of year is, this autumn, this fall.  It is delicious to the sense and food for the crafting of a soul.

As I have sat in the feelings and ideas and messages of that morning, I am in grand inspiration for the perfection of nature around us as it holds up a mirror to our soul....

How can we be in balance within us, holding the equal power of both the dark and the light?

How can we surrender to accepting and living our truth and not be out of balance with it?

How truly unwounded we are in the center of the light and the dark!

What do we need to let go of, and what do we need to let shine?

What can we do to feed the strength of our inner balance, so we root deeply into who we authentically are?

I invite you to journal your own thoughts or responses to these questions, and I challenge you to welcome the questions your soul asks after you answer these question.  Blessed be!

www.inquirewithin.me

Creative High

I read somewhere once that activity inspires creativity.  In a culture where inactivity is an emerging dominance, I find this concept a true medicine for our cultural and personal lethargy.  So, I have been exploring and implementing this "activity inspires creativity" for a couple of months now, really playing with many possible applications to my daily life. First of all, let me just say how fun it is on a creative high!  Around my home, I've been using a term I've coined "creative crack" due to its incredible energy boost and out-of-my-mind goofiness.  Immersed in the flow of a creative high there is an uprising of living with excitement, wonderment and purpose.  The language of the Self and inner truth is understood without a translator and the message comes clearly with direction as well as the energy to move in that direction.

In the physical body, it feels amazing.  Aches and pains go away, workouts are focused and intense, laughter comes easily and often.  The creative high radiates from the core of the Self, the place of who you are, and expands beyond what you know as the body.  It's like feeling super huge, impossible to hurt, sure of path, and fearless to the possibilities.

When the "creative crack" and I were first dating, all of this awesomeness was an everyday occurrence and it is incredible how much I got done.  Time was this enigma that worked around me and my purpose instead of me working my purpose within the rigid line of time.  Time and "creative crack" are passionate lovers whose embrace and intimacy when breathed in conceive an entire world where purpose and life's meaning make sense and are concrete.  In the newness of our courtship "creative crack" and I planned our year, we began new projects, brainstormed and story-boarded future direction and ideas, (ahhhh) we were close and taking my world by storm.

As with any relationship, the newness wears off and in this relationship my ex (the mind chatter) began stalking me and poor "creative crack" had competition for my attention.  It started out small, with maybe a day or two here and there with a disconnect from my love affair.  Then life happens.  A misdirection of focus here to help a friend out, a distraction there to deal with a negative emotion...and one day you wake up missing the love of your life and wondering why you aren't talking and why are you sleeping in separate beds! (metaphoric fun-time)

The cool thing about having all these relationships with, and within your Self is that you can fix them upon awareness of the problem because we can only fix or change ourselves.  So I made a date with "creative crack" to talk and determine where this relationship was going.  "Creative crack" was thrilled to have my attention again and we are working on our communication.  We have committed to connecting each day to maintain our relationship and a date night at least once a week to solidify our manifesting.  "Creative crack" isn't jealous of mind chatter, instead told me to listen and heed the commentary from both.  All the direction my purpose, my work, my healing goes in is still up to me.  Well the best way to my heart is to give me the freedom to choose, so "creative crack" had me with that.  I took this advice and have adjusted my workshops, my CD releases, and feel really good about where I'm going.  The surety that "creative crack" offers, mixed with the logic of mind chatter, and the freedom for me to choose with my spirit make for a great threesome.  We are now living happily together in this world of creation, manifestation, and success.

As "creative crack" and I are working on renewing our connection, I do the silliest things.  I color, I make collages, I drop and crank out some Yoga poses to get my energy up when I feel depressed or stuck, I try new recipes, walk or hike,  re-draw my garden plans, dance, tickle my daughter and play with my furry babies.

ACTIVITY INSPIRES CREATIVITY.

I experienced that this is a truth for me.  In the process of rebuilding my connection to creativity I have to be aware of when I'm giving it the silent treatment and through activity I open my body, my mind, and my heart to hearing that language of my Self.  When I am listening to the message that inner language brings, my path is clear.  When I am in good relationship to my creativity, I have the energy to manifest my ideas and time seems to bow to me.   (insert pseudo-evil chuckle for fun)

It's about getting out of our own way, and doing what we need to do to make that happen.  This is something we will do our whole lives and that is not a bad thing.  When we get in our own way it gives us a chance to look at it and ask if this is something we really want.  I say enjoy each moment of self reflection, self realization, healing and being more of who you are. Get active, inspire creativity, dare to howl, and go forward into the direction of your dreams.

HHHOOOWWWLLL!

Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at www.inquirewithin.me or email me at inquirewithin.me@gmail.com