Changing the plot…
Oh those stories told in the fabric of my being. So many wounded ones. So many unacknowledged awesome ones. Because. The seduction of pain is real. And my power to choose is real...and kinda tired of the pain. Beliefs are recalibrating to that of a softer nature. Gentle badass.
I've always been a get-r-done girl. I love accomplishment. I have worn many a medal of badassery...so many in fact, I now think I'm covered in them. And, not only are they heavy...they are my armor. The armor of separation from myself, and keeping me from authentically showing up to connect with others. It's also kept me from rest. Recharge. Rejuvenate. Pamper. And loving myself.
Enter the story of now.
Last October I had a scary wake up call about my well-being. And I've been forced to look at how I treat myself. And let me just say it isn't as great as I treat y'all. And this is no longer okay with me. I'm 37. My inner feminine is transitioning from warrior to warrior queen, and she is fucking tired. She's earned her right to slow down. Soften up. Adorn beauty. She is scarred and her body has been in a 30 year battle. So, we are slowing down and diggin' deep to begin a path of self-care and flow. Beauty even.
The idea of re-writing my self-care story is a valid one. It's a great tool for many situations and people. In my broken and almost extinct story of self-care, there is so much service to my family that I'm not willing to re-write. And I like the idea of not changing my past in my energy body and my soul. I like leaving them as is, without shame and need to be different, but to just be a part of the things that make me a whole me.
Enter plot change.
My story can simply change direction. In this moment. Now. Because NOW, I have a life that allows me to fill my days with what is important to me. Within this truth I realized how much my actions showed me that I don't think I'm very important. And this too, is no longer okay with me.
Action plan? Say “yes” to some “no's”. Slow down...body and mind. Be the ease in the uneasy. Listen sacredly to my Self and my body and then honor the message by doing what that message says. For example...
Body: “I'm not feeling like having coffee for awhile” Me: “Okay”
Yep, that simple. And I LOVE coffee. I'm like a 4-8 cup a day kinda of gal. I thought about overriding this message for a moment when the inner warrior queen said “if a friend said no thanks to coffee, would you make them drink it anyway?”. And, no...I wouldn't.
Enter treating myself like I treat my sacred sisters. And so it is.