Hi, my name is Nissa and I homeschool my daughter. Lately, I've seen on Facebook and heard in conversations the glorious cry of relief when Mom's are staring back-to-school in the face. To all of you...I drool with envy, with crazed wonderment of what this could feel like. On my behalf, please please please, enjoy every morsel of relief and freedom.
That being said, I am so lucky to get to homeschool her and I'm even more lucky that she loves it and works hard at it. My girl started 7th grade this last week. (sigh) 7th grade! On the first day of school work, an interesting feeling was boiling up from my gut. This feeling was expressing itself as anxiety and it wacked me out a bit. I was cranky and resistant to start. As I got her set up with her first subject and I just watched her read and work I saw how amazing she is and was flooded with love and appreciation for her. UUGGHH...POW....GURGLE...the anxious, wacked-out-ness became clear in the overflow of this love. My deeply wounded inner 7th grader showed up to the party. She showed up with side pony tail, neon wrangler pants, braces and starved for attention.
So, I journeyed to her...to this 7th grade version of myself...and she's looking at my daughter (who reflects the same age as herself) with this broken awe, a curious intensity, and an inspired hope. She is showing me several moments of this age where my broken-ness set in, and seeing in my daughter all her pieces in tact begins this magnetic drawing in of my broken-ness. It feels like a puzzle coming together. My inner 7th grader shows me that in her disconnected isolation within me all these years, she's had time to solidify the lessons of not trusting others into my psyche. And that seeing my 7th grade daughter as she is, gives her no reason to hold on to this lack of trust. My daughter is trusting, open, honest, and allowing while being in 7th grade. So why can't my inner 7th grader be like this too? This is where the intense curiosity is at full bore and as quickly as the curiosity inquires, the intensity answers.
Curiosity: "How can it be that a 7th grade girl can feel so authentic?" Truth: "Healing."
Curiosity: "How can I get to be like her?" Truth: "Dare to grow up into this moment and be a part of raising her. Heal yourself by coming home to the now of this life."
So my inner 7th grader released her grip on the wounds that made her freeze in my life's timeline and like flowing silk fabric she rippled into the present and filled my heart and body with an aching satisfaction. I realized in that moment that I have had a longing for this part of me to grow up and be with me. With this part back, I sense a closet full of masks and projections that have piled up. And with a fully present inspired hope, I will go from here to explore and transmute those masks.
I am raising my daughter, and by her just being who she is...she is raising me. True, I seek out these connections and reflections, but why not? Feeling, seeing, reflecting, healing, knowing, searching, inquiring within...over and over again. It is a perfect dance on any path of life.
Later this month, my annual workshop: Release & Renew holds the perfect space to release all those masks. Do you have any you would like to let go of? Join me in a beautiful day of soul-work and inquiring within. You can find out more info on my website: www.inquirewithin.me or register by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power. Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at www.inquirewithin.me or email me at email@example.com