So...why do I need permission?

Ask for the weird and impossible~Danielle LaPorte #desiremap

I heard her say this on a podcast today and it has stopped me in my tracks. I have SO many weird and impossible things I want to CREATE in my life, and having her say this makes me feel like I have permission. Really? I needed permisssion....please. Look out dreams, I'm coming for you. I'm asking for you. I'm asking for you to say  YES to these Wild Inner World oracle cards,and ebooks, and E-courses! I'm asking for you to be born and have a life of your own that I can nurture and love and grow with. I'm asking to feel sexy, joy, and magical. I'm asking to have my soul craft circles grow and multiply, because I already see the magic in them. I'm asking myself to say YES back to these dreams.

So...why do I need permission?

What makes me think I can do it all by my self? Why is it so hard to ask for help? And trust?

I'm a smidge annoyed with myself that I these lil' questions are of my own resistance standing in my own way of what is a simple (not easy) concoction of human awesomeness! Is there a quick fix? Maybe. I'm sure I could force myself to think a more positive thought or feel a more positive feeling and ignore this permission needing, stubbornly independent resistance for the little bugger.  But ya know what? These qualities have merit too and I want to explore the concept of moving forward, past this wall with the beneficial qualities of needing permission and being stubbornly independent. And I feel like for me to do that I need to give these obstacle builders some space to self reflect on how they can go with me through this resistance and be helpful during the process.  Oh, yeah....this is new and different and exciting.

Need for permission: where it may create a huge "holding back" energy in my life, it also keeps my focus in check. If I never needed permission to make one choice or the other I would really walk my shit all over the place. And this doesn't feel like happy-making in my heart.  I need this permission needing mechanism to help feel out which is the right choice. What makes this poison for me is when I am seeking the permission outside myself in other people, community structures, and other traps humans create. What makes this medicine for me is when I'm asking my soul purpose for permission to go one way or another, take that class or another, create this product or another. Yeah...this feels so much lighter and spacious to me.  It's like positive reinforcing the qualities I want to use from this mechanism. And it already feels so much more positive and motivating, and I don't feel like I had to cut out a part of myself.  It reminds me of how I try to parent. I see my daughters "problems", I acknowledge they are there and am aware of them. But I choose to tell her every day what is powerful, beautiful, and amazing about her. She is more of the stuff I positively reinforce than she is the stuff that can be destructive. Yeah, I'm diggin' this idea.

And I'm gonna keep diggin' on this for while, then move on to the stubbornly independent piece. I need some more time in this permission piece. I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime; did this pull a trigger for you? Do you like this? Do you disagree? All voices welcome to be just one part of a greater conversation that is the conversation of discovering your own truth, path, and purpose. Please forward, share, like, and comment if you have the impulse to connect to this.

Is there a wall/obstacle/resistance in your life that could use some wholistic looking at and seen for it's positive qualities? My wish is that in my vulnerable authenticity, it gives YOU permission to be that as well.

Dig deep. Own up. Be true to you.

Let the mind think. Let the heart feel. Let the soul choose.

Blessed be! Nissa

The Medicine of Questioning

What if every person was in their own authentic bubble, absolutely loving who they are and filling up their own space? Would the need to change others or feed off of others be gone? I believe I can only change myself, so naturally I need to look at my own bubble. I found it torn and leaking out all the amazing feeling of being me. And what do soul crafters do when they find something out of wholeness? We dig deep, own up, let go, and keep moving from the wild within... I have been healing wounds this year of not being accepted an appreciated for who I am.  I've been feeling so tossed around by the chasing of being accepted and loved in this life that I finally reached the blessed rock bottom (yes, I said BLESSED).  From the bottom, I heard that potent mirror inquiry of  "others not accepting and loving me for all of me is a reflection of something playing out within my wild inner world". This faces me front and center to the uncomfortable nudge that I am not accepting and loving all the faces of me. For, really, if I'm not accepting myself then I'm not bringing into my life others that will too. With this smack-up-side-the-head I grabbed my journal and went deeper.

This is what flowed:

What is the desire/drive/need behind wanting to change how others think, feel, believe, and choose?  What personal wound or trauma holds one in a place of needing to control others?  What positive movement is gained by only accepting those that only fit into one person's comfort zone?  Isn't this universe big enough for all to be supported?  Who's to say that what you disagree with isn't part of the evolution of humanity and it is necessary to the bigger picture that you aren't able to see?  And isn't it your choice in the moment to either grab onto the judgment line that leads to control and separation and dis-ease in life...or grab onto the possibility that there are no answers because there are too many answers...the possibility of what you dislike is actually a universal balancing that creates a wholeness to everything...the possibility that disagreeing too much with something brings you closer to becoming a version of it...the possibility that supporting every possibility without labeling or judging it will bring about the change and acceptance that every "group" claims they want.  Sure, the uncomfortable part of this is "can you actually DO this...in those every day moments?".  Can you have the awareness of the present WHILE knowing who you are well enough to support the other side?  Are you spending enough time talking to yourself and knowing who you are NOW....this week....this month...etc.?  How do you know what you agree with or disagree with, and does it really matter?  What happens when you know what is true?  How do you expect others to conform to your truth?  Why do you easily conform to others when you know it slows you down?

I mean...ummm...okay...yep, all good questions.  I find that taking a swim in a barrage of questions can lead to the freedom of not needing the answers.  Then, I can relax...surrender to the river and enjoy the down-stream floating of my life. Man, that feels good. To leisurely enjoy my life and savor every scent, sight, smell, and splash.

I am grateful for these senses.

I thought I was coming out of my cave...

Really!  The cauldron of creativity has been stirring, the cackles of creation were echoing through my cave...filling up the darkness with life and excitement.  For weeks I've been transforming a soul craft program into an online format and I was ready to come out of my cave and offer this to the world.  I was and still am, very excited  about where this program is going...it's just not going the way I had originally thought.  See, the online platform I'd been working on wasn't upfront about how they deliver the product and when I recently found out that anyone who would purchase this program would then be email harrassed by this company.  That is a deal breaker for me.  This company was also not very clear about their fee structure and it was quickly becoming a situation of who really owns my stuff?  Deal breaker number 2.  Now what?

In the meantime....

Mask flare-up number 1: "I put it out there that this would be offered this week...shit...I'm gonna look like a flaky idiot who can't deliver."

Mask flare-up number 2:  "This is what you get for relying on an outside source.  You can't trust anyone."

Mask flare up number 3:  "It's probably not that good anyway, and that is why it didn't work out. It's not meant to be 'out there' "

What is behind those masks...

Behind mask number 1 is the memory of a childhood riddled with expectations of perfection and judgment of people who are free-spirited. (BTW, I'm a free spirit)

Behind mask number 2 is a fucking list of people and situations that have validated a plethora of reasons trust isn't a "play well with others" activity.  Some of these people and situations are not so distant in memory...this year in fact.

Behind mask number 3 (anyone else feeling like this is a game show?!?!) is quite simply the woundedness of failing.

The medicine I'm taking...

#1: I AM a creative free spirit who is passionate about creating something that comes from my soul and that doesn't have a concrete "look".  Being free allows me to say "no" even mid-stream...because the price of going forward and it not feeling right is to high.  The price of humble pie is MUCH more affordable.

#2: Trusting myself first gives me the fortitude to keep trusting others regardless of the wounds. Trusting myself and my path and my choices reminds me that everyone is in their own journey of mistakes and that the situation that created the mistrust could have just been a bad day on there part.  It doesn't feed my soul to hold it against them for a possible bad day or poor judgment in the moment.  We are all trying our best at this human thing.  Trust & compassion for myself gives me what I need to have trust & compassion for others.

#3: It feels so fucking good to create, to follow inspirations, to build upon the breath of ideas.  THIS is what matters...begin again, and again, and again.

What now?

I'm slinking back into that luscious shadowy cave that holds me like the Mother my heart craves for.  I realized this morning during the inner world exploration I've shared with you here, is that the cave is such a natural state for me. I am strongest, happiest, and most creative when I'm in here.  What if this is my authentic state?  And what if I don't have to leave to be successful and "out there"? What if I am the cave, my fire glowing from the center...guiding those to me that seek the warmth and the rest and the magic that lies in The Cave?  What if?

What does this mean for my program?  My mind thinks it means that there are lots of options to explore and to keep it simple.  My heart feels open and sad and ready to tell me of the revisions it wants to make to the program.  My soul knows that all is as it should be. This isn't a set back.  This is a change of direction that takes us to a more beautiful place.

I'd love to hear from you!

What kind of program formats would you like to see?  Full PDF with whole program, links, videos, audios, etc. that you can do at your own pace?  A more live, interactive format with live video chats and such?  Do you prefer in-person only learning?  Or something else?   Does it matter?

Love who you are, warts and all!

 

Unclear, But Moving Forward

Again, another month without a video.  This morning I decided to stop whiny inside my head about not being in a place to do a video. and just write instead.  And trust me, I'm doing you a favor...

It's not pretty around here right now.

My superman is healing well, grumpy as hell, soul searching his shit, and to my elation he his becoming even MORE of a superman to me. It's like his body being broken has set free his inner vision, and will all our time together lately I'm seeing how strong and wise and wonderful he really is.  Consequently, I'm pulling triple duty so, oh man...the bags under my eyes are really not camera friendly right now!

In an effort to bolster our finaces while he's out of work I drug out an elk hide and began fleshing, scraping, soaking, loving, and creating sacred sound makers.  Yep, it's a bit stinky but it is deeply creative to birth a sacred item. If you are interested in one, contact me. (Pictures of the curing process are the featured image!)

Oh, and homeschool started this week...so, yeah, no video right now.

And now, here's the gritty stuff.  I am in that itchy, scratchy, jittery state of transformation.  I am really feeling the snake in myself as it sheds skin. (and of course I found a full snake skin the other day in my wood pile) I have been feeling all year that Inquire Within isn't it anymore.  That I need to rebirth my purpose under a new name, a new path, new boundaries and I desire so deeply the clarity to do this all. I've journey, meditated, and prayed and the messages or insights I get are definitely what I need to hear...just not the easy "to do list" of clarity I was wanting to hear.

I'm unclear how to, but I'm still moving forward.

I cannot paint the picture yet of what this will look like.  I only smell the excitement of aligning my actions with my feelings.  And I feel the weight of the old skin as an intense burn of motivation to get it done.  This month I will be recreating a new website under my new working name and at some point be able to announce it's arrival to you.  I will be diggin' deep to locate the direction that feels amazing in my bones and honestly look at what I want to do.

I have visions and feelings of holding the space for women to gather and soul craft.

I feel this so deeply that I am kinda confused as to why it's not happening yet.  And frustrated about it too, which only makes that itch of the shedding skin more intense and more motivating to let go of.

I have a deep desire to impact my subscribers and followers in a way that inspires them to craft their soul and free them Selves to run wild and free.

I am digging deep, letting my whole and authentic Self do the remodeling of this trans-formative fire.  I am not clear, but I'm moving forward.  I have no flippin' clue how this will all get done, but I'm slithering through the grass...sensing every ripple and flowing my course with that.

Now you know what is happening...Inquire Within is coming off and Soul Crating is emerging from under the skin of my soul.  Ahhhhh, feels good to be in the center of the fire.

Is there a piece of yourSelf that is itching to be shed?  In what ways do you ignore it?  What is under the skin, aching to emerge in you?

~~~~~~~

Nissa is a wild woman intuitive, writer, Shamanic practitioner and Soul Crafter. You can experience one on one sessions with her to awaken more of who you are through shamanic energy medicine. Either in person or online.  Contact her to schedule your appointment.

How to stop the stories...

Know how you feel. Give voice to what you feel, then shut up and flow with it. Not too long ago I was in an journey with the intention to get some guidance in my life.  I was shown that it is not often that I just say how I feel.  More often I tell the story of what is around how I feel and use the emotion as an exclamation point.  I was shown how this actually perpetuates any negativity to my emotion and...

REPEATING THE STORY STOPS THE STORY FROM EVOLVING INTO WISDOM.

I was shown that how I feel...my emotions...are huge bundles of energy and power.  Mostly power.  They move, they shake, they spring into action, they cradle and hold, they are magnificent keys to my energetic freedom.  Then I was shown that when the emotions are simply stated without a supporting story, the emotion is free to evolve into wisdom .  That giving the emotion voice, gives that emotion fluid truth. And the second I begin to add reasons, justifications, and story to it, the emotion becomes an attached block.  And when emotions are blocked they cause damage to the soul, body and mind.  When emotions are fluid, they flow through quickly without damaging the soul, body, and mind.

FOR EXAMPLE...

"I am having anger about this".  Notice the wording here. Having anger denotes a temporary experience of it.  Let's say your partner has done something that just pissed you off.  Declaring your emotion for it and sitting in the space of your emotion without a story around it allows you to feel it fully and authentically.  And then it will move on...move through you completely...and you can approach the solution clearly, calmly and with freedom of spirit.  Now, if you plan to try this practice on for yourself...I suggest you tell your partner what you are up to so you both have the space to be different.

Now, lets take the same pissed-off-ness in the same situation and it goes like this: "How could you? What were you thinking? This is the kind of shit that_________________. I am so mad at you! etc..." What happens here is the questions build a story around the thing.  The questions also create more problems and negative energy.  It engages the other person to create their version of the story...making the story twice as powerful and energetically charged.

Back down again.  Here it is in bullet points...I love bullet points

  • give your emotion a voice...example:"I feel sad"
  • shut the mouth and mind trap for awhile and feel the full purity of said emotion....maybe a time out, or some journaling?
  • when the emotion has flowed through, ask your Self "what do I want out of this"
  • then go from there by acting on the wanting.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOUR FEELINGS.

We have every right to feel what we feel...to let those emotions have fluid power and truth.  And those around us have every right to feel what they feel.  So, as you give yourself freedom from the story, support others in attaining their freedom of the their stories.

WE MAY FIND A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION TO LISTENING.

I've been using this since it was gifted to me in that journey and it has been a huge asset in the whole being "unscripted" thing.  And the listening thing is transforming as well.  I ask a lot let questions.  Say less of the shit that doesn't matter.  And finding adventure in the uncomfortable silences.

What do you feel about this?

Re-blog: from I speak in dreams

I have been honored with the gift of being featured on another blogger's site.  She really knows how to make someone sound amazing....after reading this, I want to make an appointment with myself! I have been waiting for the time to re-blog this, so here it is!  Please enjoy.

Soul Crafting ~ Inquire Within

The dawn of the new age has begun. 2013 is a conduit for all of our transmuting, changes, and renewals for our upcoming transformations and rebirths. Over the next few months I will be writing up a weekly post in gratitude to those I have met over the years who have guided me during some moment on my journey. These same people I feel an abundance of gratitude for, are amazing souls who spend their time working towards the greater good within humanity — in both waking and dreaming.

I have a feeling that many of these people I introduce to you – over the next few months — you may find yourself connecting with some of them, with an inner pull to contact (one or two of) them this year, as you emerge forward on your own path of healing and transformation.

This first week I would like to thank Nissa from Inquire Within. She is an amazing and empowering Shamanic Practitioner who has cultivated the art of healing others through Soul Crafting. What is Soul Crafting, you may be asking… are you intrigued?? Before I share with you Nissa’s magical Soul Crafting let me tell you how Nissa and I met. Our first encounter was at a Shamanic Training Workshop held at Light Song School one weekend in September a few years back. 5 months later we found ourselves back in the second level shamanic training together and after our second meeting we instantly connected, like a soul sister I lost lifetimes ago….. finally reunited again. Nissa, my earthly soul sister, continued through all of Light Song Trainings as I found that my ethereal soul needed to continue down another path of teachings. Although our paths separated when we encountered a fork in our roads, we both continued our soul’s training towards a similar purpose – healing, guiding, and teaching others to embrace and tend to their soul’s purpose. My natural medium-ship abilities, within my dreamtime, are similar to Nissa’s natural healing abilities during her sessions in waking.

Soul Crafting: “When you inquire within you engage the reflective, investigative, bravery of your awakening to look at the landscape of the inner world.  Your wounds, fears, shadows, predators, thought forms, successes, lessons and strengths all make up ingredients and elements of the inner word.  Soul Crafting is the action of molding the ingredients found while inquiring within and crafting them into a soul of your creation, intention and purpose.  This is done through healing the source of the wounds, traumas, fears, and thought forms that hold you hostage.

Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Louis Janmot [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

About Nissa:I use Shamanic energy medicine and such ceremonies as soul retrieval, power animal retrieval, spirit release, extractions, and death ceremony to guide through the individual crafting of a soul. I facilitate classes, and play-shops to provide skill set practice of journeying and intuitive guidance.  Inquiring within and soul crafting are a spiraling dance together that when employed with intention and trust lead one to discovering their truth, and becoming more of who they really are.”

Although Nissa and I are busy and rarely get a chance to get together, she is a support system for me, she is part of my soul group and just a phone call / email away when either of us needs a little insight, or reassurances, at the moments we happen to stumble along our path. Thank You Nissa! Blessings to all Nissa cultivates and manifests for her self and others along her path during the Dawn of the New Age.

Why don’t you spend some time this year and inquire within. Learn more about Nissa, Soul Crafting, her classes, and the act of tending to your Soul through enchanted healing visit: http://inquirewithin.me

“Inquiring within explores the wilderness of your inner world. It plays with the shadows and the light to bring awakening and perspective.  It is the energy medicine sessions, the classes, and the daily choice to have an awake soul.  When all of these elements are employed, it is a balanced path that is the art and the act of becoming who you are.” ~Nissa, www.inquirewithin.me

Nissapic

http://wp.me/p7JWP-101

Take a dose of exhaustion and call me in the morning...

When life is buzzing with opportunity and movement and creativity, we stay busy.  In fact, as we are creators of our life, if we didn't keep up with the flow we'd be pissing on the very things that we asked for.  Seems silly and bit of a waste of our power if we didn't honor the influx of open doors that we in asked for in the first place.  And boy, isn't the ride a fun one?!  Lots of energy bursts, to do lists, inspiration downloads, and moments of "woo-hoo", this is happening! Shadow side...not a lot of rest time or days off.  And then one day, you wake up ready to tackle your lists and get your productive groove on; but the body slumps, the mind checks out, and the eyes have that mellow heaviness.  Exhaustion is taking a vacation in you, so why not take the medicine of and exhaustion vacation?

It really isn't reasonable nor balanced to never rest, and sometimes we have to hit a wall to take the hint.  And in this final month of hibernation, I say we all take an energetic dose of exhaustion medicine and call our to do lists in the morning.

 

What more is there to hear?

This morning I was on my deck, with my coffee and my soul; enjoying the newness of the day.  One of the winter kisses skeletal trees had a single bird in it.  I don't know what kind of bird, but it was belting out a cool thrilling sound.  Within a minute this tree was full of the same kind of bird and the orchestra of sound began.  Whatever this species of bird is, they have a variety of sounds to communicate with.  And as splendid as it was to hear, I kept noticing the different signatures of each bird as it made a different sound from the others. I began to think...man I wish I could speak their language and know what they are saying to each other and learn how they communicate.  So what is a wild woman to do?  Why, step out of the thinking mind and connect to their energy to learn how they communicate, of course! The lil' guy that started it all with his thrill sound was big in his energy, with head tilted towards the sky...emitting the energy of "boy, do I have something to say!".  He was confident in his song, proud of his message, and not budging 'till he had said his piece.  Another several birds were making clicking sounds, and huddle together in a group.  Very focused and small energy around them, with their signature being one of a collaboration of a big project.  The last group of these birds were evenly spaced from each other and making a "chur-chur" sound between them.  They were like the blissed out pot-heads of the group...just hangin', and being around their tribe.  The energy that come from their communication felt like they were the space holders for the others, their agenda was to be in support of the others that were "doing" something. 

As I sensed each communicative signature as energy waves coming out of each bird's song, I began to think about how humans who speak the same language with their voices still sometimes treat each other like they don't speak the same language at all.  That even though we may all speak English our communication is so often misunderstood, twisted, taken with defense, and judged.  WHAT IF...we didn't listen with our minds, but with our hearts.  WHAT IF...our hearts received the energy of what a person is saying to us?  WHAT IF....we communicated not only with our words, but an open intention to connect?  Imagine how much more we will hear.

**due to the need for a make up class, I will be offering the Journey Playshop again on February 23rd.  From 10am to 7pm.  For those who couldn't make the last offering, I hope to see you at this one.  Please contact me to register.  Class is $75.

Who gets to create? You do!!!!

I am stirring a cauldron of questions and curiosity and wonder.  Who dictates what gets created and by whom?  Why is there fear, resistance, insecurity, and doubt of worth when it comes to creating something new?  If humans are creator beings as we create with our thoughts, feelings, actions, and choices; then birthing something of your own voice and truth isn't shitting on the ones that came before you.  Right?  Look at the history of things and the how things evolve.  Where would the iPad be if there wasn't some universal permission to take something and tweek it into something else. (A-HA!) That is chemistry, that is alchemy, that is magic in essence!  Therefore, isn't it magical to life a live of creating that which comes from your soul, even if it is inspired by others?  Now, of course I'm not talking plagiarism or flat our copyright infringement.  I'm questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you are doing something different that your clan, your teachers, your mentors, your elders.  I am also questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you evolve a concept because it is what rings true for you.  And because it rings true for you, your belly lights on fire and you want to share this new way with others.  The grounded wild woman in me now brings into mind the cycle of life here, and the reflection of being open and encouraging of evolution of the newly born concept or item as it is being shared or taught.  Common sense reminds me that if you want to own the freedom to create, you must also give the freedom to create. When you learn something or apprentice to something, there are always those who come before you.  Their teachings, wisdom, and guidance is important and precious.  They should always be honored and credited for what they bring you.  But what if you take the teachings as inspiration and not law?  What could or would you create?  Is the heaviness mentioned earlier from them, from you, or from a rigid cultural paradigm that stems from fear?  I sense that the fear comes from a place of not wanting to forget where we came from, not wanting to loose parts of historic lessons. I can't help thinking that by honoring what was taught in tandem with what is being created from your soul, the solution is alive.  Bringing respect and gratitude to those that come before, and letting the new stuff radiate out of you...like there is a choice when the soul wakes up and says "I've got this thing to make happen!!!"

I've always been a bit of an outsider, wanting to fit in, but never really fully fitting in.  On the left of me, I'm to right for them.  On the right of me, I'm to left for them; and so on.  So, for me, I find it natural to just do stuff my way after a bit.  Then there is that "wanting to belong" nudge, that is accompanied by the "I want to learn something new" nudge, and those two elements attract great growth in exactly the right places.  For several years I've been studying core Shamanic healing through the LightSong School of Shamanic Studies.  Jan Engels-Smith is the founder of this school and it's amazing community of people.  There is not language yet for the gratitude I have for this community in my life.  It's like a soul family.  There are mirrors, cheerleaders, helpers, mentors, opportunities, and so much more.  I've had the pleasure of learning so much about core Shamanism, the healing crafts, and leadership.  This is the place I learned how to Shamanic journey, and from this skill my soul took inspiration from it, not law.

I remember my 1st and 2nd level classes.  We were supposed to get a power song.  I couldn't get one, I tried to force one or fake one to feel like I was "doing it right", but it just didn't come.  I reverted to my magical background and wove it into the lesson of filling with personal power.  In every journey there is a sense of going "out" into non-ordinary reality...and I did...but I found myself not complete with it.  So, the day after every class I would take my notes and redo the journeys at home.  I found that to feel complete with the journey, they were a sense of going "inward".  And they had a much different feel than the journeys I was being taught.  By the time I got toward the end of my 2nd level class, I allowed the inner or outer journney to happen...depending on the intention.  I just surrendered to trusting the process and let the world within unfold and grow.

The concept and practice of the Inner World has been one I've been teaching and soul crafting for a couple years now.  And from this place, the Inner World journey has been birthing itself as my own process of journeying.  It's ancestor is the Shamanic journey.  Its spirit carries shadows of the foundation brought to us by ancient ones.  It holds the elements and directions closely to it's heart.  It has it's own voice and process, and brings a unity of the other worlds into the universe of the soul.  It brings all elements into one world.  I've been doing this process of Inner World journey for several years now, and it only recently occurred to me to watch what I do and how I do it.  Holy ass smacks, it was cool!  It all unfolded so clearly that this is another way to journey, and from that moment on it has had a momentum and voice of it's own creating.  It wants to be shared, taught, explored and evolved.  So, I am listening, trusting and lifting the heaviness.  I am taking that leap by teaching this form of journeying along side the teaching of core Shamanic journey.  I have had clients express interest in learning how to journey, so I have put together a playshop on February 9th to do just that.  I will honor my roots and spread my wings as I open my heart for my soul's work to ooze out.

What does your soul want to create?

If you are interested in this playshop,  you can find it on my Facebook events page at www.facebook.com/inquirewithin.me OR on my website www.inquirewithin.me.  Next time you'll hear from me will be the first of February with your Inquire Within Monthly!  Have fun digging within, creating from soul, and dancing while you do it!

Cold Reflection

Last night, I sat outside watching the sun go down.  The sky was clear, the air cold, and my heart warmed by the depth of color painted across the horizon.  I found myself diving into the feeling of how beautiful life is.  That amongst the tension between left and right, and the global power struggle for who is the rightest of them all, there is peace and beauty in the moments that are connected to feeling my experience of nature.  And that in these moments I am free, I am whole, I am me without judgement or agenda. The strokes of orange-red, pink, and blue radiated vibrant joy in it's descent from my place on Earth.  The oak trees stood skeletal as they came alive with dark shadowing.  I could feel them pulled inside themselves, nestled into their root systems.  It reminded me to do the same...this is after all, the month of coldness and retreat and rest.  It's the time to eat less, rest more, embrace silence, explore solitude, and recharge every layer.  I am never bored or in lack of awe at the wisdom and guidance we gain from nature.  And when I slow down enough to hear her language, I am transported to the place within me that is the same power and wisdom of her.  For these moments, I am one with nature; a reflection of nature. And nature is a reflection of me.

I invite you to step into your breath and slow your pace.  What can you hear from nature?  What message is waiting for you?

___________________________________________________________________________________
Who I am is what I do. I inquire within, heal, and craft my soul.  I offer energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  I provide a sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discover your truth.  Contact me to schedule your guided journey to the wilderness of the inner world, where healing and who you are is waiting to be discovered!
Nissa Howard- Shamanic energy medicine, Soul crafter and wild woman.
 

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw

Have you ever had a moment keep messing with you?  A tiny moment where human interaction didn't go so well and it just keeps gnawing at you.  Yet, the haunting of it is not so small.  Well, I am experiencing this tricky lil' bugger and I am growling back at it while it's eating me up. In my line of work, I conduct energy medicine on myself all the time as part of me being what I do. Usually in this situation a good cord cutting does the trick.  But it didn't.  So I did some soul retrieval on myself and the situation.  Nope, still coming back.  I threw Reiki balls at it, burned it in a fire, whined to my hubby, and it keeps popping into my mind and infects a spiral of distraction.  The anger, insult, and crashed illusion I felt in this situation are all emotions that have waned due to the energy work done, but there is a shadow of them still there.  And in the shadows, there is truth and light to see the truth.  So, I've spent several days journeying and meditation on what this really is.

Interesting thing happened in this time...see, immediately after this incident I began tackling it to be free from it; and I'm now understanding that sometimes a situation needs to live a little before it dies.  In my mind I was thinking, "okay, this just happened so let's get it gone and not waste time."  In my soul, I am guided to "let the shadows of this situation unfold the healing as it needs to.  There is more to be seen about this, and won't be seen until some other things happen first."

This melted me.  It dropped me into compassion for myself, grateful for the topical release of the heavy emotions, and strength to feel it a bit longer for a higher purpose.  So, here I am...stirring and feeling and waiting for the sunrise of that missing piece.  I wait with awareness and trust!

What's gnawing at you?

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Who I am is what I do. I inquire within and I am a soul crafter.  I offer energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  I provide a sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discover your truth.  Contact me to schedule your guided journey to the wilderness of the inner world, where healing and who you are is waiting to be discovered!

Nissa Howard- Shamanic energy medicine, Soul crafter and wild woman extraordinaire!

www.inquirewithin.me

Gathering Purpose

I am still simmering in the space of death and birth that I wrote about on my last post.  There is such powerful flowing energy in this space. The idea and action of fragmenting the ego's perspective of what has died has lead me to a really cool place of true unattachment to outcome. (Which, I'm finding leads to tremendous creative flow.)  And seeing the ego's perspective spanned out in particles completely diminishes any emotional attachment, which allows for seeing all that stuff as no big deal.  It's just a bunch of little particles of thought enjoying the freedom from being compacted into a form, a thought form that recently died.  It is FREE, which means I am free....free to gather my purpose...free to reflect on the particles that are in alignment with my purpose, and free to gather those particles as energetic fuel for the creation of my purpose in the upcoming birth.  See, once you let some aspect of you die, it is natural law to have a birth soon after; and you can choose to craft what you are birthing or let the particles of the fragmented forms of Self come back together and be birthed again into your life.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE CHOICE!

How do you feel about making choices?

When was the last time you made a choice to change your purpose?

Is it time to make another choice and move towards your purpose?

PS- ANNOUNCEMENT!  On December 21, 2012 I will be launching my new website and it will be the new home of my blog.  If you are an email subscriber, you will automatically be transferred and will need to nothing.  If you are a wordpress.com subscriber you can like my Facebook page to await the launch and subscribe when it is live, or wait until I launch it and subscribe via email on my pretty pretty shiny new site!  If you like the FB page you will can enter to win some soul crafting goodness on launch weekend. THANK YOU!

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Who I am is what I do and I am a soul crafter.  I offer energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  I provide a sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discover your truth.  Contact me to schedule your guided journey to the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul craft begins.

Nissa Howard- Soul crafter and wild woman extraordinaire!

www.inquirewithin.me

The space between death and birth

There is a space between death and rebirth.  A brief blip of time rich with mystery, flow, expansion, and purity. As a reminder, the life cycle's of nature are life, death, birth.  The death has happened by now on our planet; gardens are done, trees are bare or at least almost, and we are in the darkness of the year.  From November 1st to December 21st, (winter solstice) our dark is more than our light.  Our efforts are turned within the home as we connect with family and holiday festivities.  Yet, our natural world is showing us that NOW is the space between death and birth, which means it is our time and space to be between death and birth.  So, why hasn't this been a mainstream aspect of the life cycle?

Life, death, birth all have ceremony to it.  Which tends to keep these parts on our conscious radar.  They also have an intricate weaving of support for and with each other that hold each other up and make it seem as one whole from birth to death.  That space between death and birth resides in the shadows of  feeling deeply subconscious, and may require a different kind of radar.  A radar of intuitive craft, fearless open mind, and trust.  It is my experience that the deeper you go within the Self, the higher and bigger you expand your senses and energy out.

For some reason this year as the death of the life cycle within and without has been in it's ceremony, I have been asking my Self  "what about the space between death and birth?".  The notion of it has plopped itself on my consciousness and I cannot ignore it.   It is a space that feels disconnected from that weaving together of birth, life, death; an it has been calling me to explore, experiment and uncover it's treasure.  For me all discovery, as well as knowing, begins within.

I began with a journey to my inner world to see in the dark with my heart.  I found my heart secluded, walled, and imprisoned in protection.  I felt a ravenous desire to free my heart, a fierce aching to feel my heart roam free on open range.  I healed an illusion of perfectionism that released me to feel myself as an un-woundable open heart.  Side effects include: very loud intuitive volume, increased joy, heightened senses, decrease in stress's grip, open mind, creative mastery, and a key to the space between death and rebirth.  The key opened a door I found at the end of  the perfectionism death and what kind of explorer would I be if I didn't go in, so I entered with the intention to experiment, discover and observe.

It is dark without being dark.  It is comfort without being heavy.  There is a flow cradling you into stillness.  There is deep emotional release without the weight of dramatic mind chatter.  In these emotions there is power; creative power, power to motivate healing, inspirational power, power of pure joy, power to return to my unwoundable heart, and the power of power.  It has a curious mystery to it.  A deep stirring of fluidity within the emotion.  It is similar to the idea of your Self holding space within a galaxy....just suspended in energy with little twinkles of possibility all around you and giant forms of creation whizzing by and the knitting of matter in the distance.  It feel weightless, unattached, and holds the "big picture" of what has died.

In this space after death, I asked "what is the purpose of this place?".  I am shown the Akashic records where all knowing of all possibilities are kept.  I am told that this space between death and birth is for looking at all the seen and unseen, known and unknown experiences from the life of whatever died.  In this case, aspects of the Self that have died.  I am told that when we look at the unseen and unknown experiences, we purify the soul.  Looking at the unseen and unknown fragments the ego's version of what happened.  When we purify the soul via fragmenting, the stories told by ego disperse into particles.  Each particle carries an energy from a lesson or aspect or wound from that story, and with the story fragmented, we see from our truth what is real and what is good.  Embracing truth feed purity of soul.  When we give awareness to be in the space between death and birth every time something within us dies, we purify another layer of the soul.  When we continually purify our soul, our intentions and dreams are birthed to manifest easily and with purpose.

In this space after death, I asked "what can I do to make the most of my time here?".  To which I was shown my unwoundable open heart and told "Be this, feel this, move from this.  No matter what transpires, before you sleep at the end of every day, return to your unwoundable open heart.  Dream and reflect on of all your unseen and unkown possibilities as if they all happened."

In this space after death, I asked "Is there anything else?".   I was shown that the space between death and rebirth is a time of powerful focus because of  the expanded vision of unseen and unknown possibilities, because of  the fragmented stories, because of the emotion .  That the fragmenting of the stories told by ego from birth to death by way of energetically living out all possibilities allows the soul to choose with authentic focus what will be birthed in the impending new life cycle.  I was shown an elder's point of view as the possibilities spiraled all around me in a matrix of information.  I felt a sense of pure freedom as I was left marinating in the infinite grandness of my inner universe.  Free to give birth to something in my life that isn't influenced or tainted by the memory of the ego and the story of the ego.   Free to just BE.  Free to enjoy the rich emotion of the after death.

Come December 21st we will have the rebirth of the light, and is truly a joyous time of hope, inspiration, reset, and looking forward.  How can you use this space between death and birth to experience all of your possibilities?   What can you do to fragment your stories and purify the soul?  I trust that this post has awakened some thought, emotion, and/or drive to contemplate your own space between death and birth.   I am still in this space and will probably have so much more to share.  The Earth has given us the time, the example and the support to do this for our Selves.  Mourn your deaths, flow with your truth, view the big picture, and when winter solstice hits we will be birthing again.  Take a moment to answer the questions above and below, journal or meditate on your Q&A.  I invite you to begin your own exploration of this powerful space.  You have all possibilities creating focus and your soul is waiting...

Where in the body do I feel a reaction to this post?

What is the primary thought or emotion residing there?  What message does it offer about the space between death and birth?

What is gained by giving all unseen and unknown possibilities an ending within my perspective?

What am I mourning in the after-death?

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Who I am is what I do.  I offer energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  I provide a sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discover your truth.  Contact me to schedule your guided journey to the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul craft begins.

Nissa Howard- Inner world guide and wild woman extraordinaire!

www.inquirewithin.me

inquirewithin.me@gmail.com

Death Ceremony

~This post was actually not gonna come out until next Tuesday, but I feel a big push to post it now.  Mostly for my sisters in the SouLodge.  As we sit in the West together there has been much death and dying and release...so girls...this one is coming out early, just for you!~ For the better part of this year, I have felt a pull to create ceremony, ritual, passage.  I have many ideas swirling in my soul and one has finally birthed itself!  The inspiration has been a death ceremony as a way to lay to rest the you that you don't want to be anymore...the you that is no longer playing a positive role in creating a life you love...the you that has been on it's way out for a while but the ego is holding on to it.

A fortunate, unfortunate situation has popped up within the last month.  My dearest friend from Jr. High found herself in a place that really needed a death ceremony.  And true to the laws of the creating, timing is a big player in how and when your purpose is created.  As soon as my BFF entered this situation the download of details for this ceremony flooded in over a span of several days.  Excitement and power of transformation was bouncing my insides all over my outsides and I just knew this death ceremony had to be done, and has to be done more in the world.

She traveled to me for a time frame of several days, which now I am calling this time "soul rehab".   The first day produced healing on many levels.  We did extractions, spirit release, and soul retrieval.  Day two she accompanied me to a Yoga class I teach and that was a time to seal in the work from day one.  Later that night on day two,  the death ceremony was building and ready to GO!  So we entered my healing room and began.

We layed out two strips of butcher paper and taped them together.  As she lay on the sheet I asked if she had any last words to this skin and Self she was letting die.  She did, and with a true voice, declared her intention and gratitude....beautiful!  I began creating an energetic "coffin" around her as she imprinted her old Self into the paper, into the coffin.  I drew an outline of her form and she emerged for the next step.

With art supplies handy, the work began.  Locating a main source of suffering on the paper body, names and colors and art flowed out of her onto the paper self.  All the anger and pain and wounds boiling the blood and moving the energy OUT.  I began a wailing into the that spot, she followed with two, and that part was at peace and clean.  She powerfully and organically moved into other body parts, and letting those pains and programs have a true expression without judgment or blame.  Simple movement out of her and into the paper old Self.  Flowing gracefully she moved through the whole body...calling out demons, shutting up the liars, and slapping...stomping...yelling at the saboteurs.

And this played out until it was complete, all of the old Self out and into the paper.

The next part of the ceremony is to dismember this old Self, and she began with the head.   Ripping the paper through the throat, freeing her voice!  We cursed and swore and rejected all the things the old Self stored as she continued ripping the many body parts apart.  Her true Self expressing sovereignty and ownership of her body, mind, and soul.  When she was done, I looked at this lovely being and her face had changed.  Her eyes were a darker green.  She felt weightless as if I could see right through her.  She is new.

It was dark, and raining...a perfect cocktail to dig a grave.  So we collected all her old paper Self parts, bundled them together and that girl was digging as quickly as she could.  We threw her old Self into the ground, did a typical...we are gathered here tonight to honor the passing of....

Forgiveness was expressed in celebratory vibration. Then, the grave was covered and the party began.  A special party where we stomped on that grave, yipped to our Selves at congratulations, danced, shook, howled, and birthed a special song that I now believe will act as a mantra or affirmation for her to use to keep herself from recreating those old habits.  I won't share it here because if feels sacred and I know that each death ceremony I facilitate from here on out will have it's own sacred tool individual to that client.

My dearest friend met herSelf that day.  Met her truth, her light, and her power.  She just had to release and bury the parts of her that held contrary energy to her true Self.  I can now say with this death ceremony added to my energy medicine bag, the death and dying process is easy peasy and shouldn't be put off.  There is such an immediate renewal into the tangible realm of the power inside the soul.  There is such a relief and release, as if it was ages ago that my friend had that old Self living her life.  She left her "soul rehab" a full version of her true self, along with tricks and tools and tasks to keep her on point as she carves the trails in creating her life forward.  So cool....

Day three was all about the journey.  She learned how to journey to her true Self, her inner world landscape, and into her power.  She experienced and felt the qualities of who she really is from this place.  Then we crafted her a set of soul cards that are all hers to use when she needs remembering of her greatness.  She gained a power animal to guide and protect her on her journey of empowerment from healing.  She has several mantras and affirmations.  And is fully equipped to tackle life's obstacles with a new set of soul rules.  We occupied the empty space the death made with the qualities and ammunition to be who she really is.  An open, strong, intuitive Goddess.

I am ready and honored to facilitate this ceremony for anyone at a trans-formative place in their life.   And/or wanting to begin an annual, bi-annual, quarterly death to the "skin" that is no longer needed to roam free in the wild of the inner world.  Be ready to be wild, uninhibited, and loud!  You can contact me at inquirewithin.me@gmail to schedule a session for death, or life, or rebirth!

www.inquirewithin.me

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Diggin' deep

The life cycle has 3 parts: life, death, and rebirth.  Nature puts on the most spectacular showing of this within the time frame of the four seasons.  We are a part of nature and not exempt from experiencing those 3 expressions of life.  As humans we also have the added ingredients of the soul element and the intellect element to enrich how we engage and utilize the life within us, the death within us, and the rebirth within us. Being that it is Fall, Autumn time, we are in the death portion of the life cycle.  We see it everywhere...in the trees loosing their leaves, in the representations of death played out in Halloween decorations and costumes, and in the sport of hunting season. The wisdom of the Nature's wilderness reminds me to scan at the inner landscape for energies that are fading .  It also reminds me that death and dying to something is crucial to creating something new later on.  One has to make space for rebirth, regeneration, renewal.  One has to release and remove all the dried up thought forms, toxic trash of criticism, and untrue masks that are no longer useful.  For one reason or another they have been useful and have done good in the path we call life.  And for one reason or another, their life force has waned and the remains just clog up the connection to the inner world, which usually blocks the volume of one's soul voice.  In my work, I have found that the reasons are not as important as doing something about them.

With the dying process of nature is so obvious and present right now that, as an energetic being, I am feeling the pull from my inner world to look at what is dying within me.  I find this place within the life cycle exciting, a bit scary, and highly attractive due to the concept of opposites attract.  Birth and death being opposites.  As a mother, I can proudly say having a homebirth was a power and an emotion that there are no words for.  And it is such a brief moment to have.  As a huntress, I can also tell you that when I have pulled the trigger on an Elk and I am there to witness and support her in her last breath, the emotions and the power of that moment are experienced at the same depth that giving birth was.  The moments are opposites in that it is life and death, but the level of feeling is the same.  One is sadness, one is joy.  Sort of, but not really.  Joy and sadness are the easiest examples to give you an idea of emotions and power that words cannot express. And isn't it interesting that the only time I feel the depth I felt in giving birth is when I am taking life?

Okay, back to the "what is dying within my inner world".  For me, this year, I am having a death and dying to this mask of perfectionism with a critics' voice.  I am having a death and dying to my heart being closed and vulnerable.  I am having a death and dying to craving outside approval from others.  And interestingly, these things that are dying are in a similar genre of soul issues I've let die before.  They aren't carbon copies, just a similar life force.  Now, thankfully, that perfectionist mask is dying...because if it was in full life force I'd be beating myself up for having to deal with this shit again.  But with it's waning life inside my soul, I am feeling full of compassion for my process and creative energy filling the space between death and rebirth. (more on this in a future post)

Also, interestingly enough, the opposite side of what is dying seems to be the anti-dote.  Under the perfectionist with a critic's voice is a seed of mastering the moment by doing her best.  While being happy with the progress and having fun doing it!  I received the message that if you aren't having fun, you are on the wrong path!  I also received the message that creating, being creative, activity is the first step in getting to fun.  I am reminded of an earlier received message; that to fully create the BEing and the DOing must be the same thing.

Under the closed and vulnerable heart is an unwoundable open heart that has infinite supply of energy; and because it never shuts or closes, any perceived wound or pain is instantly filled with heart power...therefore instantly fades away...making me  immune to negative forces.  Having this perspective pop up to heal my closed heart felt like such irony.  Wouldn't the first reaction be to build stronger, bigger walls to protect?  Wouldn't it make sense to beef up security?  Well, apparently not when it comes to the heart. I'm discovering that the heart has more potential and strength than it gets credit for.  And if this is true, then what part of us really gets wounded and feels pain?  Our ego? The thoughts or analysis of a situation being unfulfilled and unworthy?  I feel there will more on this later too as I become more of and unwoundable open heart and have experience in that state. But for now, I am in the moment, mastering my transformation, healing, and empowerment.

Under the craving outside approval from others is still an open, fertile ground that I haven't yet found the healing seed to plant.  In fact, the illusion isn't quite dead yet. Of course, all of these subjects are interdependent on each other, but this approval trap needs a bit more excavating to reach that fertile soil.  Boy, I look forward to all the pieces clicking together and becoming a new landscape for me to create within myself.  And I am doing my best at mastering each moment of digging.  I am wondering...why this one needs so much digging?  What other energy is feeding this thought form?  Culture? Lineage? Ego? I sense a wound...digging deep.

I just love this work.  I love working my own soul and empowerment through healing.  I love guiding and facilitating space for others to heal and empower.  And I love that the outside nature and the inside nature hold the same beautiful life cycles to be surrendered to and utilized with intention to become more of who we are.  As above, so below. As within, so without.  Opposites attract.  Life and death.

I hope this inspires you to turn within and tend to your inner wilderness.  What is one thought form of yours you notice needs to die?  How can  you honor the good it's done for you while assisting it to pass on and create space inside you? As always, I am available for private sessions both in person and distance.  We are all working on something, and you don't have to do it alone.  There is power in support.

www.inquirewithin.me

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Me, and my Shaaadow!

Stars can't shine without the darkness. ~unknown~ I am currently enrolled in a 5 week course through a terrific site called SouLodge.  In this autumn season the lodge session is focusing on shadow work.  It is a dark, delicious realm of my inner world that has surprisingly opened my heart.  I went into this course thinking it would be a dirty, gutted, heavy journey.  So far, every interaction with my shadow and my darkness has brought me an uplifted-ness and fullness I wasn't expecting.  Although, I guess I am getting what I expected, just in a different expression of it.  I'm dirty with mud of playfulness, I'm gutted in the sense that I want my light to be spilling out from my center at all times, and I am heavy with a nourished soul.

My unexpected reaction to this work has me wondering why shadow work brings me so much happiness?  The shadow isn't shrinking or having more light to take over the darkness.  My shadow is presenting me with so many slaps and punches, and I am giddy when they hit.  I take them in and throw them into my inner cauldron like ingredients to yummy cookies...anxiously drooling in the wait for the end result of warm, chewy goodness.

My mind says: "What is so delicious about getting punched and slapped with my own shit?"

My heart says: "How and Why does the pain/fear/etc, open me?"

My soul says: "It's like finding a kidnapped child... it is a part of you returning home for love and care and safety."

Some of the journeys I've done for my work in SouLodge have brought me some great messages, visuals, and insights.  I would like to share them here.

  • Our darkness, our shadow, is a place for us to recharge and know more of what makes us shine.  It is a place within to gather our purpose, heighten our senses, gain strength, and to FEEL deeper.  Cultural conditioning, wounds, traumas, etc. can project our shadow as a predator which instills fear, but the shadow is NOT to be feared. It is not a predator, the ego and the need to be right are predators.
  • My shadow is the night time, my unwounded wild Self is the day time.  Reflection: each time cycle has its purpose in our outer world, and the same goes for the inner world.  Let the day time shine life giving light, let the night time radiate it's mystery. Together they are in perfect harmony.  Not allowing the shadow to live it's portion of the time cycle creates the imbalance the ego needs to project a predator into the psyche.
  • Shadow is sacred.  My shadow is full and nourished, I listen to it very well, I embrace it openly.  What is getting in my way is the egoic mind chatter of wounded-ness.  The egoic fear that puts up unnecessary walls.  The egoic search for meaning and approval outside of myself.
  • My shadow is the inner healer for my egoic wounds.  My true self is the inner healer for my heart.  And my soul is the inner world landscape where all of this resides.

Shadow work is sacred soul work to clean up the egoic trash that litters the pristine forest of my inner world.  For all the slaps and punches I'm taking right now from my shadow, I am deeply grateful for the pain, the learning, the wisdom, the growth, and the healing.

For more on these SouLodge sessions, go to www.soulodge.com

For more on my work in the realm of empowerment, go to www.inquirewithin.me

Blessings of shadow whispering truth to you, and the healing it is always doing on the ego! And so it is!

In The Balance

Three mornings ago I was up by the moon light shining on my face.  I decided to heed her call, made the coffee, poured it into my favorite mug, swaddled myself in a blankie, and meandered onto my back balcony.   I leaned into the railing and drank in the silvery glow of the moon.  Her light caressed the leaves and fruits of my garden, while the darkness still danced on the underside of the plants.  I felt my face illuminated with the strong mystery of the moon, and I felt myself pull into the still of my inner world.  I remained in the silvery darkness, the powerful stillness, and allowed myself to go deeper and deeper.  Uncovering meaning in the moment. After simmering in this magic of the moon, the sun began to stretch his rays into the sky on the other side of the earth.  The moon was still out and radiating her beauty, but the light of day began to step up.  The garden still glowing silver, and with an added ingredient of a new day.  The Eastern horizon kept grabbing my attention from the direction of the moon, so back and forth my open eyes veered.  Back and forth my heart desired the illuminated darkness of the moon and the promised newness of the sun.  Back and forth my soul gathered the radiance and wisdom of both.

By now, the sun had reached an equal billing of power as the moon.  Both energies standing in perfect unity on this planet without one being greater than the other.  This was a brief moment, but a profound moment that brought me to a place of balance I had not yet experienced.   A place of balance within that gave me a fresh pair of eyes to view myself with, a new voice to forgive myself with, and a new door in my soul to open and explore the world within.  This moment has been percolating for days, unfolding more and more of the whole picture that was in this moment of balance.

Then...it shifted...the moon kissed the sun and the sky good night,  turned her attention away and began a journey downward.  The sun grew in his power and the warmth began to glow.  The leaves and fruits of my garden were caressed in golden morning rays as the shadows lightened underneath.   A sense of rebirth, purity, new beginnings, and growth filled up the sky, the earth, the rest of the morning.  What an incredible gift this time of year is, this autumn, this fall.  It is delicious to the sense and food for the crafting of a soul.

As I have sat in the feelings and ideas and messages of that morning, I am in grand inspiration for the perfection of nature around us as it holds up a mirror to our soul....

How can we be in balance within us, holding the equal power of both the dark and the light?

How can we surrender to accepting and living our truth and not be out of balance with it?

How truly unwounded we are in the center of the light and the dark!

What do we need to let go of, and what do we need to let shine?

What can we do to feed the strength of our inner balance, so we root deeply into who we authentically are?

I invite you to journal your own thoughts or responses to these questions, and I challenge you to welcome the questions your soul asks after you answer these question.  Blessed be!

www.inquirewithin.me

It's coming...

Can you feel it?  That intimate shift of energy in the air, the earth, the plants?  Can you smell the change? Boy, I sure can and it ignites my excitement and zest for life.  Even in the warmth of the remaining, thriving summer the perfect and reliable fall is showing up in intimately in the elements...intimately in my awareness.  AH, it feels good.  Change feels good. What else needs change?

Where in my life do I feel change coming?

Can I enjoy it as much as  I enjoy the change of the seasons?

What is keeping me from changing and enjoying it?

Surrender to change...

www.inquirewithin.me

Reflections of a 7th grader

Hi, my name is Nissa and I homeschool my daughter. Lately, I've seen on Facebook and heard in conversations the glorious cry of relief when Mom's are staring back-to-school in the face.  To all of you...I drool with envy, with crazed wonderment of what this could feel like.  On my behalf, please please please, enjoy every morsel of relief and freedom.

That being said, I am so lucky to get to homeschool her and I'm even more lucky that she loves it and works hard at it. My girl started 7th grade this last week.  (sigh) 7th grade!  On the first day of school work, an interesting feeling was boiling up from my gut.   This feeling was expressing itself as anxiety and it wacked me out a bit.  I was cranky and resistant to start. As I got her set up with her first subject and I just watched her read and work I saw how amazing she is and was flooded with love and appreciation for her. UUGGHH...POW....GURGLE...the anxious, wacked-out-ness became clear in the overflow of this love.  My deeply wounded inner 7th grader showed up to the party.  She showed up with side pony tail, neon wrangler pants, braces and starved for attention.

So, I journeyed to her...to this 7th grade version of myself...and she's looking at my daughter (who reflects the same age as herself) with this broken awe, a curious intensity, and an inspired hope.   She is showing me several moments of this age where my broken-ness set in, and seeing in my daughter all her pieces in tact begins this magnetic drawing in of my broken-ness.  It feels like a puzzle coming together.   My inner 7th grader shows me that in her disconnected isolation within me all these years, she's had time to solidify the lessons of not trusting others into my psyche.  And that seeing my 7th grade daughter as she is, gives her no reason to hold on to this lack of trust.  My daughter is trusting, open, honest, and allowing while being in 7th grade.  So why can't my inner 7th grader be like this too? This is where the intense curiosity is at full bore and as quickly as the curiosity inquires, the intensity answers.

Curiosity: "How can it be that a 7th grade girl can feel so authentic?"      Truth: "Healing."

Curiosity: "How can I get to be like her?"   Truth: "Dare to grow up into this moment and be a part of raising her.  Heal yourself by coming home to the now of this life."

So my inner 7th grader released her grip on the wounds that made her freeze in my life's timeline and like flowing silk fabric she rippled into the present and filled my heart and body with an aching satisfaction.  I realized in that moment that I have had a longing for this part of me to grow up and be with me.  With this part back, I sense a closet full of masks and projections that have piled up. And with a fully present inspired hope, I will go from here to explore and transmute those masks.

I am raising my daughter, and by her just being who she is...she is raising me.  True, I seek out these connections and reflections, but why not?  Feeling, seeing, reflecting, healing, knowing, searching, inquiring within...over and over again. It is a perfect dance on any path of life.

Blessed be.

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Later this month, my annual workshop: Release & Renew holds the perfect space to release all those masks.  Do you have any you would like to let go of?  Join me in a beautiful day of soul-work and inquiring within.  You can find out more info on my website: www.inquirewithin.me or register by emailing me at inquirewithin.me@gmail.com

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Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at www.inquirewithin.me or email me at inquirewithin.me@gmail.com

 

Chaos got me in, Chaos will get me out!

  Me: "What's next?'

Myself: "Uhhh, not sure.  What do I want to do? Where to start?  Can I do it?"

I: "What am I waiting for?  Just take one step forward.  Let the BEing and the DOing become one with each step."

Above is a sampler of the conversations that happen in my inner world.  It seems that I have this conversation often.  It is so easy for me to give 110% of my focus, motivation, and skills to others in my community, yet it is like pulling freakin' teeth to get me to do all that for myself in my own work.

In my last post, I wrote of chaos and all it's goodness.  And it's been a LONG while since I have had a chance to post again. (I have missed writing so much!) Anyway, I took on a volunteer position this year that kinda took over my time and focus.  The break from my regularly scheduled goals and career provided me with the awareness to ask some hard questions: do I really want to be doing ___________?  Who am I really setting my goals for?  Etc.  Now that the event is done, and my work for it waning drastically, I'm being provided the questions: is it balanced to give SO much of my time away if it means putting my goals on hold?  How do I go into the next round of this volunteer work with balanced boundaries of my time?  Aren't I worth putting the same amount of effort into my own success that I put into the success of my community event?

And there it is...the reason an imbalance takes root...feeling unworthy.  When I get to the root of something it is like blasting a huge hole in a brick wall with some C4.  I can see the other side!  And in this case...of course I'm worthy!  So are you, and you, and my dog, and you....

Chaos got me into this imbalance, and chaos is getting me out.  A great thing about chaos is it's nature to disrupt with an unpredictable certainty, it knocks you off center so you can see and ask things you wouldn't have done otherwise.  It's purpose is to not lay out your next step, but instead to give you the experiences of contrast so you can feel what you want your next step to be.  A step of your own creating, your own vision, and your own growl!

Me: "the BEing and DOing becoming one?!? WTF?"

Myself: "what am I BEing?  How do I do this?  What does this look like?"

I: "looks like this is step one..."

www.inquirewithin.me