Answering the Call of the Cave

Didn't think this was going to be shared.  But when the soul speaks, I listen.  So, anytime I offer soul inquiry on a video or a blog post; I myself take to the journal to answer the questions.  I do the work I offer you to do.  I walk beside you in process when you choose to dig deep too.  As a guide, I'm on the journey, the exploration with you.  So, my last blog post was an ass-kicker of a post in that I wasn't fully conscious of what was being written until it was done writing itself and the fire within impulsively sent it out anyway.  The questions at the end of the post were really gritty, and as I did the work of answering them it became clear to post my responses to share. Why?  Well, that is a good question.  My mind said "you're kidding, right? This is personal stuff, nobody wants to see this.  This makes me vulnerable and scared".  My heart said "ummm, yeah, this is scary but I get it. It feels like walking the talk. I feel naked, I feel like it's the right move to let the cave bare all.  I'm still scared though."  My soul said "there is more medicine in sharing then there is is teaching".

  • what is behind the avoidance of stillness? An incessant anxious fear that things don't get done in the stillness and things must get done!!! Thing is, getting all this outside stuff done makes me feel like I'm getting NOTHING done.  All the pushing is not a match for my centered power. Under THAT is the fear of owning the power beholden in the stillness...the truth that lies there calling me into something bigger...Under THAT is what if I loose what I love about my life when I step into that powerful truth from the stillness.  Under that is the courage to hold both what I love AND what is new because it feels exciting to take who and what I love with me into the adventure of awakening more.
  • what emotion pushes down the magic of an open heart? Exhaustion.  Feeling depleted and needing solitude.  Need better boundaries...compassionate boundaries...clear boundaries...
  • what thought is shackling creativity? Thinking that I'm pimping myself to the world with little return so why give out what isn't equally returned.   What I have to create is sacred to me so I must protect who sees it so it isn't tainted with the judgements and negative emotions it might stir in others.   And then I think why create at all if it means I've got to hide it.  This shackles me on the surface...but there is a deep resonate engine driving my creative inspirations upward and it is constantly pushing me forward regardless of the shackles that slow it down.  Is this what purpose does? Is this what purpose is?  A need to do or create something that the thinking mind could walk away from but the feeling and knowing never goes away.  Fuck, this is a trip into uncharted territory. 
  • who and what nurtures obstacles? (in order to protect the identity of the people, I've re-written this to be generally speaking) The agenda of so called diversity nurtures obstacles and the manipulation of this agenda not only nurtures but spreads the disease of separation which by itself is an obstacle.  (if this is unclear, you just may need to ask me about it sometime) The voices, tapes, and programs of "not doing it right", "not being trusted to handle things in a certain way" totally nurture my obstacles...I get that there is more than one way to do something, I just wish I could be treated with the same respect. Past and present people that hold me to my old patterns is a painful obstacle.  I nurture these obstacles by listening to the part of me that buys into this shit, that part of me that is wounded by this shit. That voice is clear, the rage around it is clear, and so it's easy to hear.  This part of me is so tiny, such a small pocket of who I am, but it,'s clarity is easy to see.  The rest of me, the bigger parts of me that are capable of helping this sad lil' part are not so clear...they are made of of air, fire, water, and earth...a bit more elusive and mysterious in their voice.  I guess I just need to be okay with this.  It helps to write this out, I see that I just need to spend some time loving and hearing that loud, wounded little piece of me.  There is powerful release of resistance in being heard.  I need to just take a moment, enter stillness with this piece and hear her wail, rage, and say all the gritty, dirty true things so they can become a different truth that his more helpful.  I also see that I'm nurturing obstacles by resisting the reorganization of people in my life.  Shits gotta shift.
  • who and what nurtures success? (again with the identity protection) Oh, my stars...am I blessed with a herd of truly amazing beings roaming with me in my inner circle or what?!?!  There are some true men that carry the medicine of the divine masculine and they inspire me to love my inner feminine. They are in service to those they love without keeping score...they serve because it feels good to, and this is a powerful gift.  I have a handful of women who transcend the energy around them.  These precious few close to my heart and soul are the ones who love all the versions of me, and I love all the versions of them. There is respect, and respect nurtures my desire to be successful...makes me feel like I can achieve it.  Feeling capable nurtures success.  A flexible structure nurtures success...solid foundation, flexible, evolving, remodeling all the time within the house on that solid foundation. Imbibing on creative actions nurture success.
  • what really matters? (the kind that when stripped from having STUFF, what stuff would you have?) Have a deep, true, happy and equal exchanging relationship with people that I love and that love me.  Those precious few that hold being authentic as a virtue.  I want relationships that breed feelings of elated joy, acceptance, challenge, growth, growth, accomplishment, perspective, connection, trust, and partnering...equal...diverse, learning from each other.  This is what matters to me...feeling in good relationship.
  • what do the feelings of what matters feel like? What kind of question is this?  Shit, it came from within me...weird.  Okay, gotta dig here...what matters feels like my heart is expanding so far out that I don't sense a boundary line.  What matters feels to me like this core truth that is so intrinsically woven into my soul that it has no language to speak it's message to my brain with....it is the heartbeat of my center.  What matters feels like pure energy flooding my muscles and bones and cells, providing respite from the aches and pains of the physical body.  What matters feels like wholeness in motion.

What does this sharing mean to you?

**please share if you are moved by this!

Back to Reflection

My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.

 

Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop. www.inquirewithin.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chaos got me in, Chaos will get me out!

  Me: "What's next?'

Myself: "Uhhh, not sure.  What do I want to do? Where to start?  Can I do it?"

I: "What am I waiting for?  Just take one step forward.  Let the BEing and the DOing become one with each step."

Above is a sampler of the conversations that happen in my inner world.  It seems that I have this conversation often.  It is so easy for me to give 110% of my focus, motivation, and skills to others in my community, yet it is like pulling freakin' teeth to get me to do all that for myself in my own work.

In my last post, I wrote of chaos and all it's goodness.  And it's been a LONG while since I have had a chance to post again. (I have missed writing so much!) Anyway, I took on a volunteer position this year that kinda took over my time and focus.  The break from my regularly scheduled goals and career provided me with the awareness to ask some hard questions: do I really want to be doing ___________?  Who am I really setting my goals for?  Etc.  Now that the event is done, and my work for it waning drastically, I'm being provided the questions: is it balanced to give SO much of my time away if it means putting my goals on hold?  How do I go into the next round of this volunteer work with balanced boundaries of my time?  Aren't I worth putting the same amount of effort into my own success that I put into the success of my community event?

And there it is...the reason an imbalance takes root...feeling unworthy.  When I get to the root of something it is like blasting a huge hole in a brick wall with some C4.  I can see the other side!  And in this case...of course I'm worthy!  So are you, and you, and my dog, and you....

Chaos got me into this imbalance, and chaos is getting me out.  A great thing about chaos is it's nature to disrupt with an unpredictable certainty, it knocks you off center so you can see and ask things you wouldn't have done otherwise.  It's purpose is to not lay out your next step, but instead to give you the experiences of contrast so you can feel what you want your next step to be.  A step of your own creating, your own vision, and your own growl!

Me: "the BEing and DOing becoming one?!? WTF?"

Myself: "what am I BEing?  How do I do this?  What does this look like?"

I: "looks like this is step one..."

www.inquirewithin.me