The Medicine of Questioning

What if every person was in their own authentic bubble, absolutely loving who they are and filling up their own space? Would the need to change others or feed off of others be gone? I believe I can only change myself, so naturally I need to look at my own bubble. I found it torn and leaking out all the amazing feeling of being me. And what do soul crafters do when they find something out of wholeness? We dig deep, own up, let go, and keep moving from the wild within... I have been healing wounds this year of not being accepted an appreciated for who I am.  I've been feeling so tossed around by the chasing of being accepted and loved in this life that I finally reached the blessed rock bottom (yes, I said BLESSED).  From the bottom, I heard that potent mirror inquiry of  "others not accepting and loving me for all of me is a reflection of something playing out within my wild inner world". This faces me front and center to the uncomfortable nudge that I am not accepting and loving all the faces of me. For, really, if I'm not accepting myself then I'm not bringing into my life others that will too. With this smack-up-side-the-head I grabbed my journal and went deeper.

This is what flowed:

What is the desire/drive/need behind wanting to change how others think, feel, believe, and choose?  What personal wound or trauma holds one in a place of needing to control others?  What positive movement is gained by only accepting those that only fit into one person's comfort zone?  Isn't this universe big enough for all to be supported?  Who's to say that what you disagree with isn't part of the evolution of humanity and it is necessary to the bigger picture that you aren't able to see?  And isn't it your choice in the moment to either grab onto the judgment line that leads to control and separation and dis-ease in life...or grab onto the possibility that there are no answers because there are too many answers...the possibility of what you dislike is actually a universal balancing that creates a wholeness to everything...the possibility that disagreeing too much with something brings you closer to becoming a version of it...the possibility that supporting every possibility without labeling or judging it will bring about the change and acceptance that every "group" claims they want.  Sure, the uncomfortable part of this is "can you actually DO this...in those every day moments?".  Can you have the awareness of the present WHILE knowing who you are well enough to support the other side?  Are you spending enough time talking to yourself and knowing who you are NOW....this week....this month...etc.?  How do you know what you agree with or disagree with, and does it really matter?  What happens when you know what is true?  How do you expect others to conform to your truth?  Why do you easily conform to others when you know it slows you down?

I mean...ummm...okay...yep, all good questions.  I find that taking a swim in a barrage of questions can lead to the freedom of not needing the answers.  Then, I can relax...surrender to the river and enjoy the down-stream floating of my life. Man, that feels good. To leisurely enjoy my life and savor every scent, sight, smell, and splash.

I am grateful for these senses.

I thought I was coming out of my cave...

Really!  The cauldron of creativity has been stirring, the cackles of creation were echoing through my cave...filling up the darkness with life and excitement.  For weeks I've been transforming a soul craft program into an online format and I was ready to come out of my cave and offer this to the world.  I was and still am, very excited  about where this program is going...it's just not going the way I had originally thought.  See, the online platform I'd been working on wasn't upfront about how they deliver the product and when I recently found out that anyone who would purchase this program would then be email harrassed by this company.  That is a deal breaker for me.  This company was also not very clear about their fee structure and it was quickly becoming a situation of who really owns my stuff?  Deal breaker number 2.  Now what?

In the meantime....

Mask flare-up number 1: "I put it out there that this would be offered this week...shit...I'm gonna look like a flaky idiot who can't deliver."

Mask flare-up number 2:  "This is what you get for relying on an outside source.  You can't trust anyone."

Mask flare up number 3:  "It's probably not that good anyway, and that is why it didn't work out. It's not meant to be 'out there' "

What is behind those masks...

Behind mask number 1 is the memory of a childhood riddled with expectations of perfection and judgment of people who are free-spirited. (BTW, I'm a free spirit)

Behind mask number 2 is a fucking list of people and situations that have validated a plethora of reasons trust isn't a "play well with others" activity.  Some of these people and situations are not so distant in memory...this year in fact.

Behind mask number 3 (anyone else feeling like this is a game show?!?!) is quite simply the woundedness of failing.

The medicine I'm taking...

#1: I AM a creative free spirit who is passionate about creating something that comes from my soul and that doesn't have a concrete "look".  Being free allows me to say "no" even mid-stream...because the price of going forward and it not feeling right is to high.  The price of humble pie is MUCH more affordable.

#2: Trusting myself first gives me the fortitude to keep trusting others regardless of the wounds. Trusting myself and my path and my choices reminds me that everyone is in their own journey of mistakes and that the situation that created the mistrust could have just been a bad day on there part.  It doesn't feed my soul to hold it against them for a possible bad day or poor judgment in the moment.  We are all trying our best at this human thing.  Trust & compassion for myself gives me what I need to have trust & compassion for others.

#3: It feels so fucking good to create, to follow inspirations, to build upon the breath of ideas.  THIS is what matters...begin again, and again, and again.

What now?

I'm slinking back into that luscious shadowy cave that holds me like the Mother my heart craves for.  I realized this morning during the inner world exploration I've shared with you here, is that the cave is such a natural state for me. I am strongest, happiest, and most creative when I'm in here.  What if this is my authentic state?  And what if I don't have to leave to be successful and "out there"? What if I am the cave, my fire glowing from the center...guiding those to me that seek the warmth and the rest and the magic that lies in The Cave?  What if?

What does this mean for my program?  My mind thinks it means that there are lots of options to explore and to keep it simple.  My heart feels open and sad and ready to tell me of the revisions it wants to make to the program.  My soul knows that all is as it should be. This isn't a set back.  This is a change of direction that takes us to a more beautiful place.

I'd love to hear from you!

What kind of program formats would you like to see?  Full PDF with whole program, links, videos, audios, etc. that you can do at your own pace?  A more live, interactive format with live video chats and such?  Do you prefer in-person only learning?  Or something else?   Does it matter?

Love who you are, warts and all!

 

Back to Reflection

My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.

 

Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop. www.inquirewithin.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sneak peak into my own shit!

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com I love this quote.  I have this quote on my fridge.  I have used this quote as advice and as medicine.  I have had this quote bite me in the ass with my hubby when I realized my perception of him was a reflection of me.  (yep, that one stung a bit).  This quote has been an ah-ha game changer in my Self as it has freed me to not take things personally.  Or I should say it gave me the affirmational voice in my head to focus on when I began to take something personally.  This may not be the only time I write about this quote as I have found it applies to many topics.

Lately I've been mucking through this topic of "taking a day off".  It's a hot one right now in my life since I've been hearing it from so many people.  From people I love and I know love me and I feel that they have valid concern, as I have been working an ass ton....and I love it!  Truth be told, I find gettin' 'er done and working on building this career of mine a creative outlet.  When I'm in a creative flow I am inspired, excited, learning, growing, challenging myself, and feel like I have purpose.  It's hard to just walk away from all that feel-good momentum.  Plus, building a career, writing a book, self-marketing, yada-yada-yada takes work, focus, and sacrifice of time.  Whoa, kinda sounds like I'm trying to justify it...doesn't it?  Well, instead of backspacing and deleting that last sentence (in bold), I can use this as a teachable moment. Here's the lesson kids: when you have an awareness of yourself not speaking your truth, then you must STOP, ask yourself "who", "what", "how".

Who am I trying to convince?  "the exhausted part of me that is tired and running on empty.  I feel this in my mind and it's thinking tank is getting low...it's thunk way too much, for too long with and needs refueling."

What is really true for me? "to take some worries and fears off the table.  I can feel these taking up the thinking reserves that I want to have for my work. Everything before that bold sentence is true for me and to keep it true I must have fuel to let it continue living true for me"

How do I bring this into my truth? "first; locate, identify, and heal the heart of the worries and fear. Second; schedule some time off!"

Funny, this is not how I thought this post would go, however, a teachable moment is hard to pass up.  And my desire is that you are inspired to use this example to benefit you too!  I am chuckling at the irony of it all.  So...what just happened here?  I caught myself delivering a sentence that didn't flow as truth to my Self.  And instead of pretending it didn't happen, I used the STOP; who, what, how, truth exploration tool.  In doing so, I can see and acknowledge that I do in fact need rest and bring some of my energy resources into a full and balanced state.  I already feel less buzzing in my mind, I feel more relaxed, and I feel more deserving of the time of.  All because I took the few moments necessary to look at what is true to my Self.  Wow, this never gets old or less amazing.  Instant relief, different perspective, and the answers to my questions have given me a map of what I need to work on.  Looks like I'll be doing some energy medicine on myself this week!  I need to see what wound or imbalance is using worry and fear to take up my thinking energy...and why it has decided to present itself now.  Then I will heal it from there.  I'm thinking a dose of extraction followed by thought form/belief re-programming; a dash of power filling, and a topping of soul retrieval and I will get this tank full again.

To honor this process and the reflected answers to the "who, what, how" part one of the "how" answer is to do some energy medicine on those worries and fear (have that scheduled for myself on Thursday). Secondly, I have looked at my calendar and have found a weekend in June that I will take as my "time off".  I plan on hitting the road with my mattress in the truck bed, my food, my camping supplies and my laptop for writing.  I want to hit some campgrounds.  Hike, write, and eat.  (my version of eat, pray, love)  And for anyone who is thinking that writing is still working...well, is that your perception of me.....?

Since my original thought topic has been derailed by that sentence of non-truth, let's put this train back on the track for the next post. It is not lost on me that I began discussing a day off which indicates self-care, and I have ended up writing about how to take care of the Self in the moment. HAHA.  Seriously, this is too much fun.

Till next time..

Who gets to create? You do!!!!

I am stirring a cauldron of questions and curiosity and wonder.  Who dictates what gets created and by whom?  Why is there fear, resistance, insecurity, and doubt of worth when it comes to creating something new?  If humans are creator beings as we create with our thoughts, feelings, actions, and choices; then birthing something of your own voice and truth isn't shitting on the ones that came before you.  Right?  Look at the history of things and the how things evolve.  Where would the iPad be if there wasn't some universal permission to take something and tweek it into something else. (A-HA!) That is chemistry, that is alchemy, that is magic in essence!  Therefore, isn't it magical to life a live of creating that which comes from your soul, even if it is inspired by others?  Now, of course I'm not talking plagiarism or flat our copyright infringement.  I'm questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you are doing something different that your clan, your teachers, your mentors, your elders.  I am also questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you evolve a concept because it is what rings true for you.  And because it rings true for you, your belly lights on fire and you want to share this new way with others.  The grounded wild woman in me now brings into mind the cycle of life here, and the reflection of being open and encouraging of evolution of the newly born concept or item as it is being shared or taught.  Common sense reminds me that if you want to own the freedom to create, you must also give the freedom to create. When you learn something or apprentice to something, there are always those who come before you.  Their teachings, wisdom, and guidance is important and precious.  They should always be honored and credited for what they bring you.  But what if you take the teachings as inspiration and not law?  What could or would you create?  Is the heaviness mentioned earlier from them, from you, or from a rigid cultural paradigm that stems from fear?  I sense that the fear comes from a place of not wanting to forget where we came from, not wanting to loose parts of historic lessons. I can't help thinking that by honoring what was taught in tandem with what is being created from your soul, the solution is alive.  Bringing respect and gratitude to those that come before, and letting the new stuff radiate out of you...like there is a choice when the soul wakes up and says "I've got this thing to make happen!!!"

I've always been a bit of an outsider, wanting to fit in, but never really fully fitting in.  On the left of me, I'm to right for them.  On the right of me, I'm to left for them; and so on.  So, for me, I find it natural to just do stuff my way after a bit.  Then there is that "wanting to belong" nudge, that is accompanied by the "I want to learn something new" nudge, and those two elements attract great growth in exactly the right places.  For several years I've been studying core Shamanic healing through the LightSong School of Shamanic Studies.  Jan Engels-Smith is the founder of this school and it's amazing community of people.  There is not language yet for the gratitude I have for this community in my life.  It's like a soul family.  There are mirrors, cheerleaders, helpers, mentors, opportunities, and so much more.  I've had the pleasure of learning so much about core Shamanism, the healing crafts, and leadership.  This is the place I learned how to Shamanic journey, and from this skill my soul took inspiration from it, not law.

I remember my 1st and 2nd level classes.  We were supposed to get a power song.  I couldn't get one, I tried to force one or fake one to feel like I was "doing it right", but it just didn't come.  I reverted to my magical background and wove it into the lesson of filling with personal power.  In every journey there is a sense of going "out" into non-ordinary reality...and I did...but I found myself not complete with it.  So, the day after every class I would take my notes and redo the journeys at home.  I found that to feel complete with the journey, they were a sense of going "inward".  And they had a much different feel than the journeys I was being taught.  By the time I got toward the end of my 2nd level class, I allowed the inner or outer journney to happen...depending on the intention.  I just surrendered to trusting the process and let the world within unfold and grow.

The concept and practice of the Inner World has been one I've been teaching and soul crafting for a couple years now.  And from this place, the Inner World journey has been birthing itself as my own process of journeying.  It's ancestor is the Shamanic journey.  Its spirit carries shadows of the foundation brought to us by ancient ones.  It holds the elements and directions closely to it's heart.  It has it's own voice and process, and brings a unity of the other worlds into the universe of the soul.  It brings all elements into one world.  I've been doing this process of Inner World journey for several years now, and it only recently occurred to me to watch what I do and how I do it.  Holy ass smacks, it was cool!  It all unfolded so clearly that this is another way to journey, and from that moment on it has had a momentum and voice of it's own creating.  It wants to be shared, taught, explored and evolved.  So, I am listening, trusting and lifting the heaviness.  I am taking that leap by teaching this form of journeying along side the teaching of core Shamanic journey.  I have had clients express interest in learning how to journey, so I have put together a playshop on February 9th to do just that.  I will honor my roots and spread my wings as I open my heart for my soul's work to ooze out.

What does your soul want to create?

If you are interested in this playshop,  you can find it on my Facebook events page at www.facebook.com/inquirewithin.me OR on my website www.inquirewithin.me.  Next time you'll hear from me will be the first of February with your Inquire Within Monthly!  Have fun digging within, creating from soul, and dancing while you do it!

Cold Reflection

Last night, I sat outside watching the sun go down.  The sky was clear, the air cold, and my heart warmed by the depth of color painted across the horizon.  I found myself diving into the feeling of how beautiful life is.  That amongst the tension between left and right, and the global power struggle for who is the rightest of them all, there is peace and beauty in the moments that are connected to feeling my experience of nature.  And that in these moments I am free, I am whole, I am me without judgement or agenda. The strokes of orange-red, pink, and blue radiated vibrant joy in it's descent from my place on Earth.  The oak trees stood skeletal as they came alive with dark shadowing.  I could feel them pulled inside themselves, nestled into their root systems.  It reminded me to do the same...this is after all, the month of coldness and retreat and rest.  It's the time to eat less, rest more, embrace silence, explore solitude, and recharge every layer.  I am never bored or in lack of awe at the wisdom and guidance we gain from nature.  And when I slow down enough to hear her language, I am transported to the place within me that is the same power and wisdom of her.  For these moments, I am one with nature; a reflection of nature. And nature is a reflection of me.

I invite you to step into your breath and slow your pace.  What can you hear from nature?  What message is waiting for you?

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Who I am is what I do. I inquire within, heal, and craft my soul.  I offer energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  I provide a sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discover your truth.  Contact me to schedule your guided journey to the wilderness of the inner world, where healing and who you are is waiting to be discovered!
Nissa Howard- Shamanic energy medicine, Soul crafter and wild woman.
 

Vortex of Chaos

Sometimes we enter a vortex of chaos.  Chaos is frenetic with creative energy.  It comes on quick and catapults you into projects, busy-ness, distractions and time flying.  Should we choose to not control, define, or resist this cycle we can enter the vortex of growth.  And with any growth spurt, there is some discomfort, some uncertainty, some frustration.  With any growth spurt we can't stop it, so why try?  With any growth spurt, we don't know what we will look like or be like after it's done, so why worry? I am currently in such a vortex and am living every day with the intention to choose to see the possibilities that chaos is offering me to create for my life.  I am surrendering into the loss of my connection to time.  I am listening to the old patterns that are dying while at the same time hearing the voice of the new patterns being created.  I am constantly shifting my focus out of stress and into enjoyment  I stand with gratitude for the new as I let die the old.  I am swirling with confusion, excitement, disappointment, unwavering knowing, insecurity, madness and fun.

This cycle and chaos that has enveloped my life right now has me asking my authentic self if the path I'm on is right.  The questions come with a gentle embrace of reflection, without judgement or scrutiny, but just a loving desire to confirm or deny my dreams.  It's so easy to disregard this contemplation when we are in an easy flow.  Chaos really shakes up your vision, moves the ground you walk on.  And it's in the chaos that we are willing to ask and authentically look at what we really want, what our true dream is, and then hunger for it is born.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in a state of chaos, look deeper, look broader, and use the momentum of chaos' energy to put into motion the focus of your dreams.  Every chaotic moment is ours to be in and we choose how we are in it.  How are YOU in your moments?  Do you embrace or resist the energy boost of chaos?  What is your dream as of today?  Who are YOU in your moments?

Be uniquely YOU and I'll be uniquely ME.

www.inquirewithin.me