I woke up at 2-ish am this morning. Mostly because the hubb's was snoring. Partly because my soul knew I needed to be outside. The full moon has finally passed the threshold of all her eclipsed energy & fullest expression...waning ever so slowly and elegantly in the middle-of-the-night summer sky. This full moon was a doozy...was it not? For me, the doozy was truly empowering. I was feeling full of energy...thinking clearly...and had a good 3+ days withOUT head pressure, which means I was completely stable for 3+ days in a row...it was amazing. I am finding that when things are breaking down energetically, culturally, or what-have-you...I feel the elation of thrival. That being said, the letting go of the moon's waning voice also fuels me. The light drawing inward. The turning towards equality of the quarter moon. The reaching for the other side of reflected sight. It's cooler, somehow. Anyway, I was happy to wipe the grumphs of being unable to go back to sleep and spend some time with the moon and a cauldron mug of coffee.
Sitting by my medicine wheel fire pit, swaddled in blanket, and cradling my mug...the moon and I got to chatting. I asked her to tell me how she's feeling, and if she had any news or insight to share. I said my moon-filling spell. As the lunar light filled my being, layers of lil' nasties & gripped stress that is clearly outdated fell away and I let it. Those lil' buggers don't seem to like an expanded open heart very much...they tend to abandon ship and I'm happy to let them. #byebyebye
So...I'm feeling all connected, shifted, and really cool with my bad self. Enjoying the release and the silence in the dark moonlit moment. I hear the familiar crack of a branch that could only be made my the small hoofs of a deer. On the Western side of Oregon, we have Blacktail Deer. They are uber-noctornal, much smaller, and where most deer skadadle, Blacktail will camouflage. (they are a fascinating sub-species of Deer)
My initial reaction to her triggered the animal in me and I quickly sought out the analysis of the sound maker, and in my focus on her, she tensed and quickly sought out the analysis of what that sudden energy shift was. Focused energy to them is felt as a threat...because most of the time, it is...so I quickly shifted back to the moon, the moment, and the expansion. As a huntress, I've learned to practice keeping my energy soft & expanded around them, out of respect & out of the art of strategic hunting. Returning to this state, I welcomed this sweet lil' doe even though I knew she was here to eat on my garden. And it didn't take long for her to mosey her way to the pumpkins growing, not 30 feet from me.
As she munched, I felt the protective nature flare up. "Hey! That's my garden! My food! Food for my family!". And I was about to give some version of an obnoxious "shoo" when the energy of the Velvety Buck who is part of my rattle making kit circle came to me with his soothing and accepting voice and said "you know there is no green grass for her to eat. There is little for her this year. I'll keep her from eating too much, so your plants will still provide. There is enough for both of you."
He continued. "How often do you sit in silent peace with those that you eat and rebirth? How often do you co-exist in communal space with that which you take? Can you just BE with her in peaceful offering and take all of this moment for what it is...a moment to be with a wild one in LIFE...because you already know so well how to be with us in death in a way that honors and allows. Take this moment to do the same with one that is alive."
And so I did.
Velvety Buck kept his word. This lil' doe munched a little on the pumpkins, a little on the pear tree, a little on the plum tree, then meandered back to the sunflower...which was about 10 feet from me. She froze when she saw me. My heart pounding...telling my mind to stay calm and telling my body to keep up the art of expanding & dispersing my energy. 3 or so slow breaths go by and we both soften...as though our energy fields passed each others test and now we can play together. Her ears relax and my heart returns to a normal drum beat...but our eyes are locked. I'd love to tell you a cool story about all the things we talked about...and all the amazing insights she has to share...but the truth is, there was nothing but us in silent mind, open heart, and willing body between us. There was breath and silent knowing that needs no story. There was everything in that nothing...and I'm grateful to have people to share this with.
Thank you for listening...witnessing...and being in my world.
I guess it should be no surprise this happened as I head into the tail end of my online Rattle making circle preparations and kit curating. I am so familiar and ritualized about the death & rebirth of these animals...to bring in this energy exchange with one that is willing to share close space with me in LIFE just opens another door. A door that allows more air flow. A door of feels & sensations telling truths of how much more complicated life is compared to death and grief. LIFE requires more. More expansion. More generosity. More balance...which is rarely equal.
I guess, no, I know I feel magic-ized at this experience and I'm choosing to bring it with me into the container that honors death in rebirth.
As always, my wish is that when I share myself, you are inspired or shifted in some way...that your sacred listening has brought you some inner guidance, truth, or insight in which you are able to make some magic out of it's medicine. I'd love to hear what you heard in my story. Comment below. I invite you to share this story with anyone and anywhere.
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