Once upon a Time, when I was a wee little witchling, I did all the rituals. I did the spells and the ingredients and the instructions down to the t. I thought they made me powerful. I thought that's what brought magic into my life. I thought ritual and ceremony were these portals into all of the things I wanted to feel or be or do or have. At some point, I felt like the magic was fading...as if I was losing it...or I needed more. So I dove into Shamanisim, training and learning for years to perform energy medicine, lifestyle, and philosphy. The magic got a bit of a boost and I thought…”okay, I just needed new rituals and tools and maybe this is what I am after-all”. It wasn't the same as that profound coming-home feeling that magic brought me in the beginning of my magic and earth based spirituality. I found myself in the agony of doing my rituals like a good little witchy-shaman-poo and the magic of a power-filled life was still fading. So…if magic and connection can still fade in the ritual that is meant to create it...the what the fuck is broken?
Time to try another way. My wounded-self wanted to brow-beat me into more classes, more shiney new teachers to chase around, more focus on filling in what was missing within me to find that “thing” that would bring back my magic. My whole-self wanted me to stop distracting my truth from being heard...and my pain being felt. My whole-self wants me to stop...know what I’ve learned by doing what I’ve learned...and find the unexpected truth that is all ME. It has been a lonely, isolated path because there wasn't a circle or group to join that was a place to gather, be, do, make the magic and support the self-evolution that involves ALL parts of me.. (So I created one! ReWilding Wholeness...and doors open for enrollment are now open)
I found my unexpected truth. It says I have all the tools to be the magical medicine woman I am. I only need one thing. I need to DO what i already know. I need to BE in it. I need to behave as a person who lives sacredly. So I went on a bit of a soul-wander where i let myself be lost. I carried my tools and rituals with me but didnt rely on them or use them when i felt i needed to. Instead, I birthed new rituals that require nothing but my inner world, my imagination, and my drum or rattle. I birthed the healing rituals of inner council, sacred listening, desire to understand, making my shadow parts feels heard. I birthed the ritual of being brutally honest with myself, calling bullshit on myself, taking responsibility for my role in shitty situations, and not taking myself too seriously. (which looks like making fun of and not muzzling the not-so-polished parts of myself...i offer this as a warning...it can be triggering for others to be around such clarity and voice of shadowy parts...AND i have found it completely compassionate to hear them with the ritual of wanting to understand and wanting to evolve that part into a more helpful aspect of itself. It takes practice and mistakes to know who and where to share with. Not everyone wants to hear my insecure self and that is okay. I need to hear my insecure self and make my insecure self feel heard so it can move on into more healthy agreements and behaviors. Its sure nice to have a place to be heard though…not for them to fix me...but to hear myself say the words that ramble off-road...and from there my body sensations altert me to the truer trutth that vibrates in the sacred sound of my voice) See what i mean #offroadsacredramble #rewildingwholeness
I still think ritual and ceremony are portals of some kind. Portals of attention and focus...intention and declaration...and actions that turn one's vision inward. To step outside the wounded stories in the painful part of myself so I can see the powerful ones. So I still think ritual and ceremony are portals but I've had a dismemberment over the last few years around ritual and ceremony. And with all dismemberment comes remembering.
Over the last few years I have been cultivating a belief and a way of living that puts my life as a ritual into action. I have been doing less ritual and ceremony as I have done before and replaced it with seeing my life as ritual and ceremony. To live my life as though I am on a quest a vision quest. To Oracle that shit when things trigger me, or aren’t making sense. To sit with the painful parts of me and listen to them and let them be heard, and in feeling heard is the ritual of healing that pain into power. To cut cords with simple self-talk an activating both sides of me to have a voice in a perspective. To dismember old outdated rundown dilapidated structures or belief systems or agreements by simply feeling the flames of rage and not trying to keep it pretty. To extract poisons from my being with the simple beat of a drum. I've created rituals in owning that what I'm going to say is going to be messy. I've lived ceremonies of underworld rising from a completely traumatized physical body, learning in this that if the physical body is not healthy the energetic and spiritual body struggles to survive in everyday life. There is ceremony in pain and ritual in disappointment. There is ceremony and ritual in the willingness to observe what's going on, notice the patterns, and take responsibility for showing up differently. So yeah, I have been doing less outside ritual the last few years and more inside ritual viewing my life as ritual and ceremony, viewing my life and seeing my life through the lens of I am sacred space. so if I am sacred space that means all of me is sacred even the parts I don't like. AND by simply being with them listening to them accepting them unearthed seen the medicine in there poison I am in ritual with my life.
And very recently I have gotten to a place where I have done very little ritual at all. Questioning whether or not I would ever need ritual again. Actually prepared to continue moving forward with no ritual or ceremony in my life anymore. In fact, I think it was around last samhain that I said out loud I don't need ritual because I am ritual. So, of course things would change because I finally embodied the freedom of not needing ritual. It is the way of nature, after all, that the moment something becomes what it is it begins to change. have you noticed that as soon as the leaves shed from a tree buds are right there the tiniest little extensions of New Life? Nature reminds us and reflects to us our own nature of evolution that when we finally become something or are in the full potential of something it begins to change again. That is because until we die we are moving forward, albeit, forward in circles or forward off-road or forward in a straight line or forward up and down...but we're moving forward. And in that forward motion we cross thresholds known and unknown the wheel of the year and the wheel of nature reminds us and reflects to us the once you become something fully the next step is a cross a threshold of change see you never get shackled into ignorance. This beautiful system keeps us in a state of motion that gives us the opportunity to understand the other side and we understand the other side we know where those edges are and we can choose to be in the center of our self an act from truth.
Well, the recent Imbolc blessed us in the belly of a new moon. The call to ritual is returning. It is time to bring magic to the medicine. It is time to bring the wheels together and let them overlap into a greater terrain. It’s time to live my knowledge by creating from it. It’s time to infuse ritual with ancient power & modern simplicity. So, I did my first Sabbat ritual in YEARS last month. Old school. Simple. And completely nourishing.
It’s interesting...I trained myself to not need ritual. I trained myself to be a person who lives Life as a ritual...a person who doesn't need ritual or things to be powerful because she is innately powerful. I trained myself to not need ritual, to be free from ritual so I could embody my life as a ritual. So of course, now, ritual is coming back. And of course it's different. Not needing ritual has giving me the freedom to embody Life as a ritual. Not needing ritual has made a landscape within me where ritual has more power to me. Not needing ritual has made ritual more powerful. Even now as I speak this to you, watching the flame flicker and my etched words disappear on the side of the candle, an awareness that this candle is blessed with the energy of imbolc feels and tastes like a delicious tiramisu to the ritual of my life. And I feel peaceful in my power knowing that I don't need the ritual to be power. I need to know that I'm powerful without ritual or tools or validation by others. The ritual experienced from a place of not needing it to be powerful makes it more powerful to the power that already exists just because I am alive. I feel more centered in my homeless knowing that I don't need ritual to access my power and it is powerful to receive nourishment for my power through ritual.
All of this is leading to a whole new map of rewilding wholeness. Another layer. Another perspective. More weaving. Bringing back magic and creating new ways that make room for all ways so that in each and every moment the secret individual can make medicine of poison with whatever they need to in the moment. This means more gathering together each season. And I’m super excited.
Imagine. Living with your magic, medicine, and power all work together...
what do you see?
To me freedom isn't about belonging to one idea that makes sense for right now or feels like belonging because it matches in an idea or an emotion I have or a curiosity I have. To me freedom is thinking for yourself and feeling for yourself. To me freedom is not being one of the other, but being a container for all of it. To me freedom is belonging to yourself, learn life and healing by doing it, and knowing that wherever I am right there is a place within me that is wrong…so stay light on my feet in order to stay free. To me freedom is not staying in one place too long. To me freedom is changing with the change. When's the winds have changed and so I will follow their scent and let my hunger guide my direction. I welcome ritual back into my life and I welcome not needing it and I welcome the nourishment it gives me because I don't need it.
So with the season of promoting online rattle making circle over I sit in the dark soul soil and womb space of where rewilding wholeness evolves into when the doors open next month at the equinox. And rewilding wholeness is definitely coming in strong with the layers, the weaving, the magic, the medicine, the simplification of The sovereign and unwoundable self found in the center of our being and the edges of our being.
Over the next few weeks the website is going to be undergoing some changes. Many have been made already, but I’m also aching for a style change. ReWilding Wholeness is open to enrollment for the next season. Doors open at the full moon/equinox on March 20th, where we will start our gathering together with a ritual at 5-ish pm PST via Zoom. Doors will remain open until April 1st at that time we will close the doors so the container can be held in integrity and protection and safety and trust. This is a six-month commitment. This is a place of deep, slow, steady, long-lasting evolution. This is a place where we don’t shame our parts or each other...we DO something about the thing that pings. It’s also a place of sass, reverence, irreverence, movement, and human training. Join now to not miss the live door-opening ritual on March 20th.
Calling to the women of the world...rewild with me...rewild with me!