Reflecting on the Warrior Queen

Tis' the season of the Watery West, the Cave, and deep reflections born from the changing of an extreme season. Tis' the way of the Wheel of Life. It's what it does. It bring balance through inequality and it shows us there are all kinds of kinds. Part of that balance is the often ass-kicking Cave of the Watery West. Where reflections abound in sometimes frightening ways that can make one feel like they are dying. And part of me is. It's been a slow death, and an even slower rebirth. And I can't say that either have been fully expressed yet. And so both the death and rebirth are still kickin'.

In May of 2015, I "came out" that who I was becoming is a Warrior Queen. An label that explained the expression of the energy that I felt unfurling deep in my soul bones. I could FEEL the woman in me becoming her. I could FEEL the way my clothes would feel differently when I became her. I could FEEL I believed I was on path to her and I believed she was on path to me. I had faith in the vision that the threshold to cross was going to happen winter 2015/2016.

I was WAY off on that one. And that's okay. I have no problem being reminded of the beautiful Life lesson that once I put solid structure around that which I envision, I imprison it. IOW: don't get attached to visions...do follow them around my inner world and let them be free range. (like me, I'm hella free range, so why shouldn't my visions be too?) Anyway, It wasn't until late June of this year...that's right, 2017...that I felt actually rebirthed into the direction of this Warrior Queen within me. I have dreamt here and claimed her as possible long before I actually felt the shift. This season of reflections, cave, and death has really got me thinking about all the stories I tell that aren't her...and really wanting to tell the story that is her. And so, I dug up my original declaration of her and updated it. 

Enjoy.


becoming warrior queen.

the unfathomable laying down of sword and shield becomes a heart-breaking unavoidable happening.

happening deep within.

happening to completion before the mind has the chance to sabotage the change.

then caves up in the soul bones, waiting for the right season to emerge.

leaving a trail of triggered emotional bombs behind her.

becoming warrior queen.

a torturous surrender to the discomfort of shedding the battle worn armor.

fighting death to fight for life.

wishing that she would emerge already and save you from yourself. 

in shock over how hard this actually is...not what was envisioned...how could I be so wrong?

becoming warrior queen.

forging new armor.

a kind of armor that armors up to armor down.

a kind of armor that is open, kind, and fierce.

this is the stuff she's made of.

she deserves it. 

she has fought a long war.

she has earned this promotion.

becoming warrior queen.

with sexy scars and softened eyes.

with fire still raging inside.

she slows down to see more of the world around her.

taking it all in.

for one day, she too, will have lived out her life and another version of woman will rise up just like she did.


No doubt, when the soul shifts and inner transformation begins, one is called forth to walk into the fire of trials and challenges. It isn't easy or clean. However, I'm finding that when I'm just letting it be what it is and I give myself, and the process, permission to be difficult and messy; the simpler the path is. The more space I have to breath within it. The more organic it is...like a wheel of the year...the shifts and changes just happen at their own time outside my deadlines of being the change. There are days I want to scrape my skin from the intensity. There are moments I feel bigger and brighter and more beautiful than ever before. There are weeks flying by that feel lost to memory yet I see how far I've come. And in every moment I'm having to choose, observe, trust, and feel.

It's the feels that make it messy...muddy...bloody...and authentic. But without them, it wouldn't be change!

What does it take to make the warrior the queen? Well, I fully believe it's different for any woman; and maybe sharing mine might shine a light on yours. And by this I mean any change, it doesn't necessarily mean your change is the same as mine...warrior to queen to warrior queen...but if this does tug at your truth, I'd love to hear a poetic voicing over in the comments of this soul note. We are a tribe of whole being belonging to ourselves...in a sacred circle sharing, shedding, shining.

And when I feel the balance of this transformation...when I feel both warrior and queen, I feel like I look like this...

 
IMG_20170901_165547_473.jpg
 

I see the battles fought in my eyes...the wisdom gained, the pain of loosing, the healing of wounds. I see the softness of a present presence, smiling with the compassion of the fragile strength of being human in battle. I see an openness. A woman changing before her very eyes.

"choosing to change with the changes in my Life" 

What is changing within you?

Are you changing with that change?

How can you do so with more consciousness and power and choice?

YOU are sacred space. The great mystery within you is an entire universe. Anything is possible. You just have to choose. 

MUCH LOVE from an this warrior queen,

nissa