So. I was pretty sure I had it all organized and prepared for the first time in my last 3 years. Until 2 days ago, I was feeling pretty #boss and proud of myself for having myself ahead of schedule and fully resourced with supplies. I had hide pieces organized, corn measured and in bags, sinew cut and wrapped. I had cleansed and cleared all stones, bones, feathers, fur, and herbs. I was READY to work! Orders are coming in. People are sharing the offering of my Online Rattle Making Circle. And my heart is twirling with arms out-stretched with joy because this is the stuff I've been dreaming of. This is the stuff that makes me love life. I love to work. When I'm working from the place of my heart, soul and purpose; I'm happier than a baby goat playing on a car.
I begin curating the bundles of rattle making things. I'm singing up names and moving my actions to the rhythm of my feels. (It's kind of an epic day at the office, if you ask me! #blessed) A voice from deep in my muscles whisper, "you are missing a medicine". And I know this voice means I need another hide to be a part of this circle...I know this voice means that the resistances I'm feeling with some of the bundles are because the medicine I have ready isn't the energy lineage those people need.
That voice is the sound of my Sacred.
Listening to it is often risky and always magical.
I know this voice is telling me the one thing that will have me stop all the good flow I have going and begin the processing of another hide...with less than 2 weeks before the circle opens. Sheesh...really? Over that last couple of years of holding sacred sound making circles I've honed and refined this process into one that I'm really proud of and the ability to offer this online is just game-changing awesome. Having finally landed on a work flow that felt solid and supported has me on next-level expansion that I'm actively choosing to open myself to with every breath. I can't help but shake my head and giggle at the cosmic comedy that the time I have finally behaved in a way that takes all my lessons learned into a solid level-up, a wrench is thrown into the cog of surety and I'm making space (again) for the unknown to be business partner and trust to be my investor. It's not lost on me the humor in the ONE time I feel like I've got this all under control, is the time that another lesson is to be learned. As one cycle ends, another begins. And as this is the flow of the universe...never is anything final or figured out. All is in constant movement of learning, unlearning, learning to unlearn, and sacred actions of being human.
Now, I'm gonna own that I'm proud of myself. This isn't my first rodeo in the dusty corrals of WTF. This isn't the first time I've been nudged by truth, spirit, and knowing and followed it unsure. Usually I follow it kicking and screaming, doubting and questioning. So, I'm feeling kinda humbled to say I'm proud of myself for hearing the message and responding with "okay!" and just move in the direction the message pointed me in. With the reality of this time crunch, this direction is mighty inconvenient, AND...it would be more inconvenient if I didn't listen when I heard and responded with action right away. It would more inconvenient to remain or entertain the usual kicking and screaming which usually manifests as poisonous procrastination. (I make a distinction here because procrastination has a medicine that has served me well)
I simply don't have the actual time for that non-sense. Which makes me wonder...could the time crunch restrictions be my boot camp for building the skill of less doubt and kicking and screaming? Could the past 3 months of deep diving change in my Self through my Sacred Sound Circle be showing me who I really am as a woman who works her magic for a living? Is my reaction to this monkey-wrench be the proof I needed to see the change is me as real and lay to rest those old stories of chaos being drama? I say...all are true to some extent. And more is true but I have a hide to stir so I'm not going to ramble off all the truths I feel inside regarding this topic.
For me, I've worked really hard to build some solid footing for my work in this world. And I recognize that this vision is a moving target that will be something I work on over and over. I also recognize that after many, many, many situations like this where sacred listening is inconvenient, it is always right. Every time in the past where I've listened to the spirit of a thing in spite of my plans, it turns out magical. Every time I've honored the NO or YES inside, in spite of the searing discomfort of having to say it to the person on the other side of it, it has turned out to be empowering. So, one could say I've earned this ease of simply responding without doubt while strengthening trust. I could say that I've earned it. In fact, I think I will...I've earned this ease. I've earned this simple, gentle flow into honoring the medicine of these animals, this circle, and the women who are joining. I'll receive this illusion breaking of "someday" I'll have it all solid and perfect and nothing will waiver...yeah, how boring. I'll gladly receive this voice telling me to do something that doesn't fit my plans because it comes from the place that makes Life a Great Mystery, and trusting that is a skill that must be built through trusting it.
And so I flow! Two days ago I heard the whisper. Yesterday I fleshed the hide of a beautiful buck my daughter killed in 2016. For the next few days I will stir it hourly during the waking hours and do my work of being a sacred listener on behalf of my whole and holy Self, on behalf of this buck who KNOWS he is the medicine of many, on behalf of the sacred space I create, and on behalf of those of you who are joining me. Because...maybe, just maybe...if I can do this sacred listening thing, you can too.
Sacred Listening is many things to me and I use this term in many ways. One of it's dialects is the mechanism from which I hear and conversate with my intuition or knowing...this is what I'm talking about here.
The current round of Online Rattle Making Circle for me is turning out to be one of victory, joy, and walking the talk of the lessons I've claimed to learn. IOW...owning the lessons I've claimed to learn by BEING a better version of me in the DOING of how I respond, react, and choose to be. I'm loving this feeling of "yes! I'm doing this! I'm walking with ease through the very things that brought me stress and overwhelm." Feeling this feeling of "I can be in ease because I've walked many paths of it being hard...each time clawing for better listening, being, doing, and outcome". And this is why sacred listening is important. Because it takes you THROUGH the fires of your saboteurs as they burn to their deaths. Because it provides the trail that leads to the lookouts of proof that all is as it should be. Because it knows that it can be inconvenient at times, but it doesn't mean to be...it's just part of the story that makes the medicine.