Over a year ago, Lindsay Luna of Alter & Leaf Apotheca asked for guest blogger for her powerful tea coven. This is what I wrote for her and her tribe with the addition of expanded content that my heart had to add...and it feels time to share it with you...
Mother. A female parent. But, what does this mean? A role. A job. An essence. A voice within. I am a mother to a daughter. I am a daughter to the mother within me. My mother wound is rooted in me being a daughter...it's the daughter part of me that feels the pain of the mother wound. My mother wound begins healing from the mother within me. And this requires a hell-of-a lot more than a job. It needs the support of THE mother...in all her sacred ways.
I never wanted to be a mother. I am selfish and ambitious. I didn't want to continue the bloodlines of my matriarchy, for I don't find them to be something I'd be proud to pass on. So, when I found myself knocked up at 21, by a man-boy I didn't love and who didn't treat me well, I had to declare war on those bloodlines. To stand in this lifetime as the warrior and the fool. My inner warrior defends the fool in me. The fool is in constant beginning again to keep my actions as a mother open to change. To keep me optimistic and willing to create the vision of a new direction for the descendants of a very broken and unhealthy bloodline. Being a mother has never been an easy shoe for me to put on. It doesn't come naturally. I'm tough. I'm alpha. Birthing my daughter freed my heart to have a say in life. Becoming a mother, and choosing to be the mother gives me who I am today....and tomorrow...and a year from now. My sacred mothering rule book is in constant edit...as is my life.
I see a difference between being A mother and being THE mother. And I am proud of the moments I show up as THE mother when I am being a mother to my child. These moments...steps towards healing the wounds I carry from being a daughter. These moments...steps away from the stories of my past, weaving new stories of now that shoot ahead of me to carve out a trail for me to travel. A trail of tossing the book of motherhood I endured as a daughter...the same book that was shoved down my throat...the same book that haunts my breath with whispers of doubt...the same book that I choose often to no longer agree with.
The actions I choose write the story of the mothering rule book I am writing for ME. A book I will not force onto my daughter. A book I will edit for the rest of my life. On a regular basis, I choose to toss out the mothering rule book that was forced on me and still cycles around with whispers in my blood and DNA. Often, I must remember that I do not agree with those coded messages. I follow that with remembering what I do agree with...and what is true is almost always something I know or feel in the current moment. Tossing out the mothering rule book is one way to define and begin being your own mother...to and for yourself...to and for your family...to and for your creations.
A mother does. She is active. Doing the things that take care of those in her care. A mother puts others first as to be in service with love. Often so much that she is left depleted, sacrificed, and compromised. She may be found exhausted, wild-eyed, and on edge. Been there. Done that. Still do it, I am human after all. And doing gets shit done...a very clear and present responsibility in the heart of a mama.
THE mother is an aspect in all beings that can be activated and utilized to embody a divine feminine from our souls. I have seen the mother in my husband when he comforts me instead of fixing me. I have seen it in my dogs when they sit by me in times of trepidation...silent, still, and radiating love presence. I know it's power when I defend my daughter's right to be who she is. I see it in my sacred sisters when they love me through a tough time...without expectation...without judgment...and lots of space for me to roam my path. I see the mother in a women without a child who mothers her art, passions, and creations. The mother is the life essence necessary for any creative path. An idea remains formless without the gifts of the mother to gestate it's form, nurture it's essence, and birth it into the world. I see it in child-less women who give pure, present love to all children and beings around them. I know several women without children who embody and live the mother so much better than I do as a mother.
When I am A mother I talk too much, guide too fast, and schedule too strongly. When I am a mother, I mindlessly reply “I love you too” and get back the duties of a mother. I will frequently project rationalization into the pain one is feeling in order to clean up the emotional mess and get back to what needs to get done. Being a mother to me is quite bluntly, a job. A shit-ton of work goes into feeling like I'm doing a good job. It feels like scarcity and sacrifice and worry. It feels like auto-pilot. An act. A script I've memorized at some distant past time.
When I am THE mother I listen with sacred ears, witness as human to human, and remember to play. When I am the mother, I halt time and space to fully feel the hug or the tears. When I am the mother, I am the world to my family. Their world. Our world. The world that provides our family environment. I direct the quality of the air in our home, standing as guardian to communication and truths being told. Encouraging ideas to be created and birthed. The mother in me lights the inner fires for all to see their own way. Tending to those fires and dancing in celebration around their flames. I am the steward of the watersheds by making sure I rain as much as they do. Occasionally undamming the retained emotions that allows for flow and healing. As the mother, I am the earth that quakes with direction and leadership. I ensure the ground we walk on is nourished and solid. When I am the mother, I feel spacious. Soft. Strong. Welcoming. Worthy.
When I am a mother, I tell myself I have to take care of everything and everyone. When I am the mother, I slow down while welcoming the receiving of help, support, and adoration.
Being A mother is a choice I only had to make once.
Being THE mother is a choice I have to make every moment of every day.
And sometimes I fail. Miserably. This is when I turn to the mother that is greater than me. Nature. She models to me all I need to be the mother. She reminds me that connection, observation, seeing the unseen, and being held in my roots is the key to my super power as the mother. She reflects to me the power in being my own mother so I can be a mother I am proud of.
A mother DOES.
The mother IS.
All mothers matter.
Soul Craft Time! Ask yourself these questions or respond to them in a journal:
- As a child, what am I missing from my mother
- How can I give this to myself?
- How can I give this to others?
- What qualities or feelings do I value about my mother?
- What qualities in me are covered up by her?
- What aspect or part of me is aching to be liberated from that confinement?
- Who will I be without this restraint?
- What am I doing with this freedom?
- I forgive...
- My ideal mother is....
- I can be that by....
Now, take some deep breaths and settle into your body. If you are familiar with the smudging ritual, I invite you to clear and create your sacred space. If not, just step away from your day, get into a relaxed and open position and enjoy this sacred sound track, it holds the intention of healing the stories. You are invited, and granted permission to heal, empower, fill up, release, activate, and allow all that you need to right now to bring into balanced wholeness THE mother within you.
When you are done, take some time to reflect, inquire, declare any shifts you may be feeling. Is there anything different? What? How is your mind? Your heart? Your body? Your soul? Did any spirit guides show up? What did they show you? Owing and declaring the shifts your create bring your stories of now to life.
Comment below to get a witness and celebration!
Blessings to you of knowing and being THE mother when you are in the actions of being A mother.
Big love to you,
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