A process - part 3


The "sitting in it" of my process is waning and the innocent energy to move forward is bubbling with excitement. Giving myself the time without rushing through this process has allowed me to see the many layers of reflection that the mirrors held in their depths.  It never ceases to amaze me how interconnected so many issues or obstacles are.  Together they form all the layers we work through and it took only an acknowledgement of one of the mirrors to begin the unraveling of he whole.  That one mirror carried so many of the same reflections.  Reflections that at the root of them were wounds aching to be healed.  The "sitting in it" phase felt like pulling the wounds out by their roots. As opposed to just pulling off the tops.  And for all it's heaviness and difficulty, I am so grateful to have deferred the desire to run away from this process.  With thorough work, I am ready to get up, shake it off, and continue my migratory route.

Before I take off on my path, I want to ponder the lessons of this process.  I want to see them clearly and say good-bye to the thoughts and patterns that got me here in the first place.  I want to know their scent so well that should I smell them in the air again I will remember the healing and not recreate the wound.  This process has taught me the lesson that the most important relationship is the one you have with your Self.  When you are protecting and feeding this relationship, your external relationships will reflect with health.  This led to the lesson that relationships have a life cycle of their own, which leads to relationships moving in and out of your life.  The holding on of them when you need to release is what fragments your relationship to your Self.  Let the cycle of life move and flow in every area of your life.  Rebirth will come after death.  I also learned that a part of me was heavy with insecurity and lack of value, which made me behave in a way that wasn't really me.  This insecure wound has been yearning for acceptance and it raged with actions that compromised my relationship to myself.  So, I say "good-bye" to this insecurity, the grip on others, the restriction of feeling fear for making people uncomfortable by just being my true Self.  With a grateful heart, I say "good-bye" and I am ready to run free and wild once again!

Choice.  Creation.  Intention.  These three words have been speaking volumes to me now that I'm in the moving forward part of this process.  Choice being the grand poo-ba of it all.  I chose to acknowledge those mirrors. I chose to sit in the fire of my soul. I chose to see the wounds. I chose to not run away from it all and heal. I chose to be where I am with raw truth.  I choose to re-create the thoughts and beliefs are old and dying.  I choose to create a vision of where I want to go from here. I choose to change my life to align with this vision.  I choose to see this moment as a do-over starting point with my relationship to Self.  I choose to be intentional with my thoughts and actions.  I choose to be me without excuse or justification.  I choose to appreciate the lessons my wounds brought me.  I chose to believe I'm strong enough, worthy enough to do this process.

The path of the soul and the cultivation of the inner world is rich with simple complexities that keep us in the opportunity of growth.  It is simple to say it is all a choice, it is complex to live it.  A process that I hope sharing with you has brought inspiration, challenge, reflection, or maybe a mirror.  Thank you for standing witness to my process and healing.  Thank you for taking this time out with me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.