Do you have a Word for the year?


create2014 We are nearing the end of January. Did you do new years resolutions? If yes, how many of them are still in play? If no, why not?

I broke up with new years resolutions YEARS ago because I realized the failure and self disappointment I felt when they fell short was not worth feeling. At the end of 2012, I saw on the Facebook world women announcing their word for the upcoming 2013 year.  So I stalked their posts and clicked on the free downloads to guide one to their word of the year. I found it to be kinda-crazy-awesome. I loved the idea of working with one word for a whole year. To have a simple focus on it. To have a complex understanding of it through experience and life. word was opportunity. And the ripples of experience met with holding myself present in order to bring in the focus of opportunity. I found all the heavy challenges thrown my way as opportunities, therefore I responded to them more positively. I found the awesome moment more vibrant and magical, therefore I allowed myself to feel the joy and fun more. It was a roller coaster year that I look back on as incredible learning and wisdom and self exploration. Looking back at 2013, I feel connected to opportunity and realize I created a relationship to it, and I let it change me. A-ha! I finally feel an accomplished and successful resolution played out in my life. I had to simplify my focus to amplify my results.

Simple doesn't mean easy.

And I value the lessons of my opportunities because this is true for me. Building a relationship to opportunity in a simple way brought me to the complexities of understanding deeply what opportunity is. For me, it became a work out for my "space holding" muscles. It became a wide open field for me to run free in. It became a nurturing cave to lick my wounds and begin again. Gratitude doesn't even scratch the surface.

Entering 2014, finding my word was much like being in a labyrinth.  Searching in one direction, following the scent and BAM, a wall....nope, this isn't the one. But I kept following the scent. I had to dig deep and I found myself surrounded by the truth of a word that scares the shit out of me a bit. This word takes me to deeply disappointed places where judgements, criticisms, and abandonment have very loud voices. Stepping into the home of this word and these voices will require me to allow myself to be emotional, vulnerable, and warrior....terrifying; a battle for more. It incites anxiety and excitement and child like open-hearted-ness. It will require me to own it, take credit, and give. And this word is....


This month of getting to know my word I have been on the "first date" high. We giggle and play and flirt. And I have been giving it full attention, which is why I haven't blogged in over a month. I am already creating. I am looking forward every day while staying the moment...performing the tasks of creating.  Held by constant flow of inspiration and dreams. Held in the accomplishments of: book content, art-work for divination cards, loving moments with my family, and forgiveness for the judgey critics. Feels good.

Do you have a word for the year? Share it here! Do you want one? Below are the links I used to guide me through discovering mine.


I thought I was coming out of my cave...


Really!  The cauldron of creativity has been stirring, the cackles of creation were echoing through my cave...filling up the darkness with life and excitement.  For weeks I've been transforming a soul craft program into an online format and I was ready to come out of my cave and offer this to the world.  I was and still am, very excited  about where this program is's just not going the way I had originally thought.  See, the online platform I'd been working on wasn't upfront about how they deliver the product and when I recently found out that anyone who would purchase this program would then be email harrassed by this company.  That is a deal breaker for me.  This company was also not very clear about their fee structure and it was quickly becoming a situation of who really owns my stuff?  Deal breaker number 2.  Now what?

In the meantime....

Mask flare-up number 1: "I put it out there that this would be offered this week...shit...I'm gonna look like a flaky idiot who can't deliver."

Mask flare-up number 2:  "This is what you get for relying on an outside source.  You can't trust anyone."

Mask flare up number 3:  "It's probably not that good anyway, and that is why it didn't work out. It's not meant to be 'out there' "

What is behind those masks...

Behind mask number 1 is the memory of a childhood riddled with expectations of perfection and judgment of people who are free-spirited. (BTW, I'm a free spirit)

Behind mask number 2 is a fucking list of people and situations that have validated a plethora of reasons trust isn't a "play well with others" activity.  Some of these people and situations are not so distant in memory...this year in fact.

Behind mask number 3 (anyone else feeling like this is a game show?!?!) is quite simply the woundedness of failing.

The medicine I'm taking...

#1: I AM a creative free spirit who is passionate about creating something that comes from my soul and that doesn't have a concrete "look".  Being free allows me to say "no" even mid-stream...because the price of going forward and it not feeling right is to high.  The price of humble pie is MUCH more affordable.

#2: Trusting myself first gives me the fortitude to keep trusting others regardless of the wounds. Trusting myself and my path and my choices reminds me that everyone is in their own journey of mistakes and that the situation that created the mistrust could have just been a bad day on there part.  It doesn't feed my soul to hold it against them for a possible bad day or poor judgment in the moment.  We are all trying our best at this human thing.  Trust & compassion for myself gives me what I need to have trust & compassion for others.

#3: It feels so fucking good to create, to follow inspirations, to build upon the breath of ideas.  THIS is what matters...begin again, and again, and again.

What now?

I'm slinking back into that luscious shadowy cave that holds me like the Mother my heart craves for.  I realized this morning during the inner world exploration I've shared with you here, is that the cave is such a natural state for me. I am strongest, happiest, and most creative when I'm in here.  What if this is my authentic state?  And what if I don't have to leave to be successful and "out there"? What if I am the cave, my fire glowing from the center...guiding those to me that seek the warmth and the rest and the magic that lies in The Cave?  What if?

What does this mean for my program?  My mind thinks it means that there are lots of options to explore and to keep it simple.  My heart feels open and sad and ready to tell me of the revisions it wants to make to the program.  My soul knows that all is as it should be. This isn't a set back.  This is a change of direction that takes us to a more beautiful place.

I'd love to hear from you!

What kind of program formats would you like to see?  Full PDF with whole program, links, videos, audios, etc. that you can do at your own pace?  A more live, interactive format with live video chats and such?  Do you prefer in-person only learning?  Or something else?   Does it matter?

Love who you are, warts and all!


Back to Reflection


My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.


Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop.







Diggin' deep

The life cycle has 3 parts: life, death, and rebirth.  Nature puts on the most spectacular showing of this within the time frame of the four seasons.  We are a part of nature and not exempt from experiencing those 3 expressions of life.  As humans we also have the added ingredients of the soul element and the intellect element to enrich how we engage and utilize the life within us, the death within us, and the rebirth within us. Being that it is Fall, Autumn time, we are in the death portion of the life cycle.  We see it the trees loosing their leaves, in the representations of death played out in Halloween decorations and costumes, and in the sport of hunting season. The wisdom of the Nature's wilderness reminds me to scan at the inner landscape for energies that are fading .  It also reminds me that death and dying to something is crucial to creating something new later on.  One has to make space for rebirth, regeneration, renewal.  One has to release and remove all the dried up thought forms, toxic trash of criticism, and untrue masks that are no longer useful.  For one reason or another they have been useful and have done good in the path we call life.  And for one reason or another, their life force has waned and the remains just clog up the connection to the inner world, which usually blocks the volume of one's soul voice.  In my work, I have found that the reasons are not as important as doing something about them.

With the dying process of nature is so obvious and present right now that, as an energetic being, I am feeling the pull from my inner world to look at what is dying within me.  I find this place within the life cycle exciting, a bit scary, and highly attractive due to the concept of opposites attract.  Birth and death being opposites.  As a mother, I can proudly say having a homebirth was a power and an emotion that there are no words for.  And it is such a brief moment to have.  As a huntress, I can also tell you that when I have pulled the trigger on an Elk and I am there to witness and support her in her last breath, the emotions and the power of that moment are experienced at the same depth that giving birth was.  The moments are opposites in that it is life and death, but the level of feeling is the same.  One is sadness, one is joy.  Sort of, but not really.  Joy and sadness are the easiest examples to give you an idea of emotions and power that words cannot express. And isn't it interesting that the only time I feel the depth I felt in giving birth is when I am taking life?

Okay, back to the "what is dying within my inner world".  For me, this year, I am having a death and dying to this mask of perfectionism with a critics' voice.  I am having a death and dying to my heart being closed and vulnerable.  I am having a death and dying to craving outside approval from others.  And interestingly, these things that are dying are in a similar genre of soul issues I've let die before.  They aren't carbon copies, just a similar life force.  Now, thankfully, that perfectionist mask is dying...because if it was in full life force I'd be beating myself up for having to deal with this shit again.  But with it's waning life inside my soul, I am feeling full of compassion for my process and creative energy filling the space between death and rebirth. (more on this in a future post)

Also, interestingly enough, the opposite side of what is dying seems to be the anti-dote.  Under the perfectionist with a critic's voice is a seed of mastering the moment by doing her best.  While being happy with the progress and having fun doing it!  I received the message that if you aren't having fun, you are on the wrong path!  I also received the message that creating, being creative, activity is the first step in getting to fun.  I am reminded of an earlier received message; that to fully create the BEing and the DOing must be the same thing.

Under the closed and vulnerable heart is an unwoundable open heart that has infinite supply of energy; and because it never shuts or closes, any perceived wound or pain is instantly filled with heart power...therefore instantly fades away...making me  immune to negative forces.  Having this perspective pop up to heal my closed heart felt like such irony.  Wouldn't the first reaction be to build stronger, bigger walls to protect?  Wouldn't it make sense to beef up security?  Well, apparently not when it comes to the heart. I'm discovering that the heart has more potential and strength than it gets credit for.  And if this is true, then what part of us really gets wounded and feels pain?  Our ego? The thoughts or analysis of a situation being unfulfilled and unworthy?  I feel there will more on this later too as I become more of and unwoundable open heart and have experience in that state. But for now, I am in the moment, mastering my transformation, healing, and empowerment.

Under the craving outside approval from others is still an open, fertile ground that I haven't yet found the healing seed to plant.  In fact, the illusion isn't quite dead yet. Of course, all of these subjects are interdependent on each other, but this approval trap needs a bit more excavating to reach that fertile soil.  Boy, I look forward to all the pieces clicking together and becoming a new landscape for me to create within myself.  And I am doing my best at mastering each moment of digging.  I am wondering...why this one needs so much digging?  What other energy is feeding this thought form?  Culture? Lineage? Ego? I sense a wound...digging deep.

I just love this work.  I love working my own soul and empowerment through healing.  I love guiding and facilitating space for others to heal and empower.  And I love that the outside nature and the inside nature hold the same beautiful life cycles to be surrendered to and utilized with intention to become more of who we are.  As above, so below. As within, so without.  Opposites attract.  Life and death.

I hope this inspires you to turn within and tend to your inner wilderness.  What is one thought form of yours you notice needs to die?  How can  you honor the good it's done for you while assisting it to pass on and create space inside you? As always, I am available for private sessions both in person and distance.  We are all working on something, and you don't have to do it alone.  There is power in support.

Me, and my Shaaadow!

Stars can't shine without the darkness. ~unknown~ I am currently enrolled in a 5 week course through a terrific site called SouLodge.  In this autumn season the lodge session is focusing on shadow work.  It is a dark, delicious realm of my inner world that has surprisingly opened my heart.  I went into this course thinking it would be a dirty, gutted, heavy journey.  So far, every interaction with my shadow and my darkness has brought me an uplifted-ness and fullness I wasn't expecting.  Although, I guess I am getting what I expected, just in a different expression of it.  I'm dirty with mud of playfulness, I'm gutted in the sense that I want my light to be spilling out from my center at all times, and I am heavy with a nourished soul.

My unexpected reaction to this work has me wondering why shadow work brings me so much happiness?  The shadow isn't shrinking or having more light to take over the darkness.  My shadow is presenting me with so many slaps and punches, and I am giddy when they hit.  I take them in and throw them into my inner cauldron like ingredients to yummy cookies...anxiously drooling in the wait for the end result of warm, chewy goodness.

My mind says: "What is so delicious about getting punched and slapped with my own shit?"

My heart says: "How and Why does the pain/fear/etc, open me?"

My soul says: "It's like finding a kidnapped child... it is a part of you returning home for love and care and safety."

Some of the journeys I've done for my work in SouLodge have brought me some great messages, visuals, and insights.  I would like to share them here.

  • Our darkness, our shadow, is a place for us to recharge and know more of what makes us shine.  It is a place within to gather our purpose, heighten our senses, gain strength, and to FEEL deeper.  Cultural conditioning, wounds, traumas, etc. can project our shadow as a predator which instills fear, but the shadow is NOT to be feared. It is not a predator, the ego and the need to be right are predators.
  • My shadow is the night time, my unwounded wild Self is the day time.  Reflection: each time cycle has its purpose in our outer world, and the same goes for the inner world.  Let the day time shine life giving light, let the night time radiate it's mystery. Together they are in perfect harmony.  Not allowing the shadow to live it's portion of the time cycle creates the imbalance the ego needs to project a predator into the psyche.
  • Shadow is sacred.  My shadow is full and nourished, I listen to it very well, I embrace it openly.  What is getting in my way is the egoic mind chatter of wounded-ness.  The egoic fear that puts up unnecessary walls.  The egoic search for meaning and approval outside of myself.
  • My shadow is the inner healer for my egoic wounds.  My true self is the inner healer for my heart.  And my soul is the inner world landscape where all of this resides.

Shadow work is sacred soul work to clean up the egoic trash that litters the pristine forest of my inner world.  For all the slaps and punches I'm taking right now from my shadow, I am deeply grateful for the pain, the learning, the wisdom, the growth, and the healing.

For more on these SouLodge sessions, go to

For more on my work in the realm of empowerment, go to

Blessings of shadow whispering truth to you, and the healing it is always doing on the ego! And so it is!

In The Balance

Three mornings ago I was up by the moon light shining on my face.  I decided to heed her call, made the coffee, poured it into my favorite mug, swaddled myself in a blankie, and meandered onto my back balcony.   I leaned into the railing and drank in the silvery glow of the moon.  Her light caressed the leaves and fruits of my garden, while the darkness still danced on the underside of the plants.  I felt my face illuminated with the strong mystery of the moon, and I felt myself pull into the still of my inner world.  I remained in the silvery darkness, the powerful stillness, and allowed myself to go deeper and deeper.  Uncovering meaning in the moment. After simmering in this magic of the moon, the sun began to stretch his rays into the sky on the other side of the earth.  The moon was still out and radiating her beauty, but the light of day began to step up.  The garden still glowing silver, and with an added ingredient of a new day.  The Eastern horizon kept grabbing my attention from the direction of the moon, so back and forth my open eyes veered.  Back and forth my heart desired the illuminated darkness of the moon and the promised newness of the sun.  Back and forth my soul gathered the radiance and wisdom of both.

By now, the sun had reached an equal billing of power as the moon.  Both energies standing in perfect unity on this planet without one being greater than the other.  This was a brief moment, but a profound moment that brought me to a place of balance I had not yet experienced.   A place of balance within that gave me a fresh pair of eyes to view myself with, a new voice to forgive myself with, and a new door in my soul to open and explore the world within.  This moment has been percolating for days, unfolding more and more of the whole picture that was in this moment of balance. shifted...the moon kissed the sun and the sky good night,  turned her attention away and began a journey downward.  The sun grew in his power and the warmth began to glow.  The leaves and fruits of my garden were caressed in golden morning rays as the shadows lightened underneath.   A sense of rebirth, purity, new beginnings, and growth filled up the sky, the earth, the rest of the morning.  What an incredible gift this time of year is, this autumn, this fall.  It is delicious to the sense and food for the crafting of a soul.

As I have sat in the feelings and ideas and messages of that morning, I am in grand inspiration for the perfection of nature around us as it holds up a mirror to our soul....

How can we be in balance within us, holding the equal power of both the dark and the light?

How can we surrender to accepting and living our truth and not be out of balance with it?

How truly unwounded we are in the center of the light and the dark!

What do we need to let go of, and what do we need to let shine?

What can we do to feed the strength of our inner balance, so we root deeply into who we authentically are?

I invite you to journal your own thoughts or responses to these questions, and I challenge you to welcome the questions your soul asks after you answer these question.  Blessed be!

It's coming...


Can you feel it?  That intimate shift of energy in the air, the earth, the plants?  Can you smell the change? Boy, I sure can and it ignites my excitement and zest for life.  Even in the warmth of the remaining, thriving summer the perfect and reliable fall is showing up in intimately in the elements...intimately in my awareness.  AH, it feels good.  Change feels good. What else needs change?

Where in my life do I feel change coming?

Can I enjoy it as much as  I enjoy the change of the seasons?

What is keeping me from changing and enjoying it?

Surrender to change...

Reflections of a 7th grader


Hi, my name is Nissa and I homeschool my daughter. Lately, I've seen on Facebook and heard in conversations the glorious cry of relief when Mom's are staring back-to-school in the face.  To all of you...I drool with envy, with crazed wonderment of what this could feel like.  On my behalf, please please please, enjoy every morsel of relief and freedom.

That being said, I am so lucky to get to homeschool her and I'm even more lucky that she loves it and works hard at it. My girl started 7th grade this last week.  (sigh) 7th grade!  On the first day of school work, an interesting feeling was boiling up from my gut.   This feeling was expressing itself as anxiety and it wacked me out a bit.  I was cranky and resistant to start. As I got her set up with her first subject and I just watched her read and work I saw how amazing she is and was flooded with love and appreciation for her. UUGGHH...POW....GURGLE...the anxious, wacked-out-ness became clear in the overflow of this love.  My deeply wounded inner 7th grader showed up to the party.  She showed up with side pony tail, neon wrangler pants, braces and starved for attention.

So, I journeyed to this 7th grade version of myself...and she's looking at my daughter (who reflects the same age as herself) with this broken awe, a curious intensity, and an inspired hope.   She is showing me several moments of this age where my broken-ness set in, and seeing in my daughter all her pieces in tact begins this magnetic drawing in of my broken-ness.  It feels like a puzzle coming together.   My inner 7th grader shows me that in her disconnected isolation within me all these years, she's had time to solidify the lessons of not trusting others into my psyche.  And that seeing my 7th grade daughter as she is, gives her no reason to hold on to this lack of trust.  My daughter is trusting, open, honest, and allowing while being in 7th grade.  So why can't my inner 7th grader be like this too? This is where the intense curiosity is at full bore and as quickly as the curiosity inquires, the intensity answers.

Curiosity: "How can it be that a 7th grade girl can feel so authentic?"      Truth: "Healing."

Curiosity: "How can I get to be like her?"   Truth: "Dare to grow up into this moment and be a part of raising her.  Heal yourself by coming home to the now of this life."

So my inner 7th grader released her grip on the wounds that made her freeze in my life's timeline and like flowing silk fabric she rippled into the present and filled my heart and body with an aching satisfaction.  I realized in that moment that I have had a longing for this part of me to grow up and be with me.  With this part back, I sense a closet full of masks and projections that have piled up. And with a fully present inspired hope, I will go from here to explore and transmute those masks.

I am raising my daughter, and by her just being who she is...she is raising me.  True, I seek out these connections and reflections, but why not?  Feeling, seeing, reflecting, healing, knowing, searching, inquiring within...over and over again. It is a perfect dance on any path of life.

Blessed be.


Later this month, my annual workshop: Release & Renew holds the perfect space to release all those masks.  Do you have any you would like to let go of?  Join me in a beautiful day of soul-work and inquiring within.  You can find out more info on my website: or register by emailing me at


Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at


Chaos got me in, Chaos will get me out!


  Me: "What's next?'

Myself: "Uhhh, not sure.  What do I want to do? Where to start?  Can I do it?"

I: "What am I waiting for?  Just take one step forward.  Let the BEing and the DOing become one with each step."

Above is a sampler of the conversations that happen in my inner world.  It seems that I have this conversation often.  It is so easy for me to give 110% of my focus, motivation, and skills to others in my community, yet it is like pulling freakin' teeth to get me to do all that for myself in my own work.

In my last post, I wrote of chaos and all it's goodness.  And it's been a LONG while since I have had a chance to post again. (I have missed writing so much!) Anyway, I took on a volunteer position this year that kinda took over my time and focus.  The break from my regularly scheduled goals and career provided me with the awareness to ask some hard questions: do I really want to be doing ___________?  Who am I really setting my goals for?  Etc.  Now that the event is done, and my work for it waning drastically, I'm being provided the questions: is it balanced to give SO much of my time away if it means putting my goals on hold?  How do I go into the next round of this volunteer work with balanced boundaries of my time?  Aren't I worth putting the same amount of effort into my own success that I put into the success of my community event?

And there it is...the reason an imbalance takes root...feeling unworthy.  When I get to the root of something it is like blasting a huge hole in a brick wall with some C4.  I can see the other side!  And in this case...of course I'm worthy!  So are you, and you, and my dog, and you....

Chaos got me into this imbalance, and chaos is getting me out.  A great thing about chaos is it's nature to disrupt with an unpredictable certainty, it knocks you off center so you can see and ask things you wouldn't have done otherwise.  It's purpose is to not lay out your next step, but instead to give you the experiences of contrast so you can feel what you want your next step to be.  A step of your own creating, your own vision, and your own growl!

Me: "the BEing and DOing becoming one?!? WTF?"

Myself: "what am I BEing?  How do I do this?  What does this look like?"

I: "looks like this is step one..."


Vortex of Chaos


Sometimes we enter a vortex of chaos.  Chaos is frenetic with creative energy.  It comes on quick and catapults you into projects, busy-ness, distractions and time flying.  Should we choose to not control, define, or resist this cycle we can enter the vortex of growth.  And with any growth spurt, there is some discomfort, some uncertainty, some frustration.  With any growth spurt we can't stop it, so why try?  With any growth spurt, we don't know what we will look like or be like after it's done, so why worry? I am currently in such a vortex and am living every day with the intention to choose to see the possibilities that chaos is offering me to create for my life.  I am surrendering into the loss of my connection to time.  I am listening to the old patterns that are dying while at the same time hearing the voice of the new patterns being created.  I am constantly shifting my focus out of stress and into enjoyment  I stand with gratitude for the new as I let die the old.  I am swirling with confusion, excitement, disappointment, unwavering knowing, insecurity, madness and fun.

This cycle and chaos that has enveloped my life right now has me asking my authentic self if the path I'm on is right.  The questions come with a gentle embrace of reflection, without judgement or scrutiny, but just a loving desire to confirm or deny my dreams.  It's so easy to disregard this contemplation when we are in an easy flow.  Chaos really shakes up your vision, moves the ground you walk on.  And it's in the chaos that we are willing to ask and authentically look at what we really want, what our true dream is, and then hunger for it is born.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in a state of chaos, look deeper, look broader, and use the momentum of chaos' energy to put into motion the focus of your dreams.  Every chaotic moment is ours to be in and we choose how we are in it.  How are YOU in your moments?  Do you embrace or resist the energy boost of chaos?  What is your dream as of today?  Who are YOU in your moments?

Be uniquely YOU and I'll be uniquely ME.

And the Thunder rolls...


Right now my coffee is within reach, my kid doing her grammar, my hubby searching for tires, and my dogs snoring; I have a rare quiet moment within a full house.  This vortex of peace has me meditating and reflecting on my last few weeks.  And what a few weeks it has been!  Amidst several projects, homeschool, business, and my new distraction of epic proportions, Pinterest, I hadn't really thought much about me and where I am at within myself.  Therefore, for my soul, this moment is so much like taking your first breath of air after having your head underwater for 2 minutes.  Give me a second....B-R-E-A-T-H-E....ah, yes much better. In the stillness of this moment and the gravity that that breath just gave me, I am reliving a moment from last Saturday when I was gifted the thunder and the lightning.  As I sat conversing with my cousin, I could see out the back of my home and I knew there was lighting in those clouds.  And yet when the first flash made it's way out I felt all the magic inside of myself flash out with it.   Now, ever since I could remember I loved the thunder and lightning.  In Eastern Oregon a nighttime lightning show is unparallelled in awesomeness and electric magnificence.  So naturally, I run outside to meet the thunder beings...always.  I swear I'm not crazy, I'm just a bit wild.

As the lightning got closer, I had to go outside. I had to let my inner magic play with the magic of the Thunder Beings.  I had to do this for my whole BEing as much as I have to eat food for my body.   I had to be in the powerful embrace of the rolling thunder, the jolt of time standing still as the lighting cracks an electric kiss to the ground.  I had to.

Thank you, Thunder Beings for bringing energy and magic to the sky.  Thank you for transforming my innards with your voice.   The internal shift starts with the thunder rolling a rumbling growl of powerful energy through my heart, jump starting a dose of adrenaline and blasting my heart wide open.  The recharge of  my body continues as that surge flows down into my solar plexus and turns it upside down and inside out.  The swoosh of change seals this magic as it grounds downs my legs and into the earth.  Then I breathe in that gift of the thunder, the gift of nature's science igniting magic inside my body.  Instantly.  Presently.  WOW-ly. I become one with the sky and the earth as I am the conduit for the energy shared between the two in this magical display of nature's powerful essence.

With the connection to the Thunder Beings made, I think of how the energy from the lightning penetrates the earth and sky.  It feels like pure unbiased energy waiting to be absorbed and given direction to be created into...something, anything.  How often do we discard newly available energy in which we could be creating?  When was the last time you rejected a compliment, a hug, a gift of love?  That is energy being transferred to you to do something with!  When was the last time you breathed in the energy of the sun, filling yourself up and using that fullness to let go of what isn't making you happy?  When was the last time you braved a meeting with the Thunder, the Lightning and welcomed it's gifts of pure, rolling energy?  Well the time is NOW!  Become aware of natures gifts all around and receive the energy it's wanting to give you.  Become aware of love entering your space and allow yourself to feel worthy of it, and through that worth...create your life, be happy, and move forward!  Become aware of your possibilities.

For me, I will fall into a love affair with the energy that I took in from the Thunder Beings.  I will choose an intention or direction in which this energy will be used.  I will drink up and enjoy each moment that I feel it inside me.  Like right now.

Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at

12 Keys to a More Creative, Stress-Free Life

With my latest blog about our creative Self, this blogger came into my view. Synchronicity stardust? Possibly. I've been diving into these steps/blog (this one is the beginning, you'll find each step on their blog home page) posts over the last several days and I think any of you inspired by my Creative High post will find these steps fertilizer for your creative progress. Enjoy!

Creative High


I read somewhere once that activity inspires creativity.  In a culture where inactivity is an emerging dominance, I find this concept a true medicine for our cultural and personal lethargy.  So, I have been exploring and implementing this "activity inspires creativity" for a couple of months now, really playing with many possible applications to my daily life. First of all, let me just say how fun it is on a creative high!  Around my home, I've been using a term I've coined "creative crack" due to its incredible energy boost and out-of-my-mind goofiness.  Immersed in the flow of a creative high there is an uprising of living with excitement, wonderment and purpose.  The language of the Self and inner truth is understood without a translator and the message comes clearly with direction as well as the energy to move in that direction.

In the physical body, it feels amazing.  Aches and pains go away, workouts are focused and intense, laughter comes easily and often.  The creative high radiates from the core of the Self, the place of who you are, and expands beyond what you know as the body.  It's like feeling super huge, impossible to hurt, sure of path, and fearless to the possibilities.

When the "creative crack" and I were first dating, all of this awesomeness was an everyday occurrence and it is incredible how much I got done.  Time was this enigma that worked around me and my purpose instead of me working my purpose within the rigid line of time.  Time and "creative crack" are passionate lovers whose embrace and intimacy when breathed in conceive an entire world where purpose and life's meaning make sense and are concrete.  In the newness of our courtship "creative crack" and I planned our year, we began new projects, brainstormed and story-boarded future direction and ideas, (ahhhh) we were close and taking my world by storm.

As with any relationship, the newness wears off and in this relationship my ex (the mind chatter) began stalking me and poor "creative crack" had competition for my attention.  It started out small, with maybe a day or two here and there with a disconnect from my love affair.  Then life happens.  A misdirection of focus here to help a friend out, a distraction there to deal with a negative emotion...and one day you wake up missing the love of your life and wondering why you aren't talking and why are you sleeping in separate beds! (metaphoric fun-time)

The cool thing about having all these relationships with, and within your Self is that you can fix them upon awareness of the problem because we can only fix or change ourselves.  So I made a date with "creative crack" to talk and determine where this relationship was going.  "Creative crack" was thrilled to have my attention again and we are working on our communication.  We have committed to connecting each day to maintain our relationship and a date night at least once a week to solidify our manifesting.  "Creative crack" isn't jealous of mind chatter, instead told me to listen and heed the commentary from both.  All the direction my purpose, my work, my healing goes in is still up to me.  Well the best way to my heart is to give me the freedom to choose, so "creative crack" had me with that.  I took this advice and have adjusted my workshops, my CD releases, and feel really good about where I'm going.  The surety that "creative crack" offers, mixed with the logic of mind chatter, and the freedom for me to choose with my spirit make for a great threesome.  We are now living happily together in this world of creation, manifestation, and success.

As "creative crack" and I are working on renewing our connection, I do the silliest things.  I color, I make collages, I drop and crank out some Yoga poses to get my energy up when I feel depressed or stuck, I try new recipes, walk or hike,  re-draw my garden plans, dance, tickle my daughter and play with my furry babies.


I experienced that this is a truth for me.  In the process of rebuilding my connection to creativity I have to be aware of when I'm giving it the silent treatment and through activity I open my body, my mind, and my heart to hearing that language of my Self.  When I am listening to the message that inner language brings, my path is clear.  When I am in good relationship to my creativity, I have the energy to manifest my ideas and time seems to bow to me.   (insert pseudo-evil chuckle for fun)

It's about getting out of our own way, and doing what we need to do to make that happen.  This is something we will do our whole lives and that is not a bad thing.  When we get in our own way it gives us a chance to look at it and ask if this is something we really want.  I say enjoy each moment of self reflection, self realization, healing and being more of who you are. Get active, inspire creativity, dare to howl, and go forward into the direction of your dreams.


Through private Shamanic healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and guidance to ownership of your power.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at

Spark in the Dark


Today, I began my garden. And I am weeks away from Spring. I concocted little wombs of soil for seeds of peppers, tomatoes, herbs, flowers, broccoli, and cabbage.  The first round of creating life for the growing season!  Creating life to sustain life.  Many of the seeds I started today were gathered from the harvested seeds of last fall.  Out of death, there is rebirth of life.  Another whispering reminder from natures' wisdom.  When I harvest, let die, dig up, or clear out I let the soil rest, the stillness take center stage, the darkness of the year to embrace my fertile ground. I sift through the remains of life and gratefully, lovingly sort seeds to save for the time of rebirth in the coming Spring.

When I pulled all my seeds out of hiding today, I felt myself notice that I was beginning this action of rebirth during the time of rest and darkness.  This awareness brought me immense chocolate-like satisfaction for my spirit. Life begins in the darkness, the resting time. Life sparks its conception in the darkness. I caught myself realizing how many times I haven't noticed the renewal of Spring until it has sprung.  I have missed SO much.  The life of Spring begins in the

So, I implanted those eager soil wombs with these little universe-pods of food life.  As I hummed songs and oogled love from my heart to each one, I was welcoming each conception with giggles and encouragement.  Yes, it is funny to think about now.  Yet, in that moment it felt amazing to give rebirth to these future plants in an environment of love, magic, and connection.  I know they will taste better for it, too!  In a couple of weeks, another round of rebirth will happen with other species of plants and you can bank on the fact I will be duplicating this joy giving, love oozing, magic making connection with each of them too.

Like the soil, we need to rest when we face our own cycles of death.  Like the harvest, we can choose what seeds we take with us to replant in our inner world.  Like the life beginning in the darkness, we too can sort through our "seed bank" of the lessons we've learned and wounds we've healed.  We can pick the seeds we want to plant, tend to, nourish, and enjoy the fruit of.  We can choose the spark we ignite in our dark!

What seeds are you planting?  How will you nourish them?  In what way are you giving them celebration and gratitude?  How will this new life change you?

Take a few breaths, and sit in the questions.  Embrace the excitement of renewal, rebirth, and the endless possibilities that await your spiritual green thumb.

Blessings of Beautiful Bounty!

Through private healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and empowerment guidance.  Should you come across a time or situation that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at



I am sitting in my cave, my workspace.  I've just finished rearranging some furniture and finally hung my pictures, art and drums on the wall.  I feel like a giddy diva; just drinking up my pretties, which makes me laugh at myself, which makes me enjoy this moment even more.  It's like luscious hot chocolate oozing warmth and richness throughout my whole body.  Still giggling. Yum. Each piece on my wall has it's own special meaning or memory that fills my heart and spirit.  None of the pieces "match" each other, nor do they seem to care.  With all my mish-mosh of artwork and trinkets, I have created an environment that reflects me in that not one part perfectly fits in with any other part, but still completes a package of wholeness.  This environment, this room, is home to my healing work.  It's where I write, work out, Yoga, read, journey, meditate, and see clients. And this weekend I'm hosting a workshop here, and I have to say the energy is already buzzing and building.  Feels great.  I feel that any environment we choose; whether its work, play, family, friends, heart, body, mind, can either starve us or feed us.

How are your environments feeding you?

This month, as part of a class I am taking with LightSong School of Shamanic Studies, I was honored with the opportunity to merge with the Sun and channel a message to the group.  I don't quite remember everything that come through as I was not in my conscious mind. However, I do remember experiencing visuals and the basic theme of the message.  What was being presented was the importance of the environment of which we plant our seeds (seeds being our thoughts, our actions, our choices).  The Sun can give life, or take life, based on the environment which the seeds are planted.  So, yeah, this has stuck with me and ignited my reflective motor.  There has been some serious early spring cleaning up in this house, many donation runs, and a whole lot of "do I love it or like it?". "Where does this want to go?".  And, "honey, will you help me move all of your stuff out of this room because it is now MINE". HeeHee.  And this room loves being mine.  The environment in this room is lush, fertile, and anxiously awaiting my creative soul seeds.

I plan on planting all non-GMO soul seeds.  I am planting seeds of willingness to listen to my self doubt instead of shouting at it to shut up.  I am planting seeds of keeping it real, be where I am, and enjoy the ride.  I plan on nurturing these seeds with the compost of wisdom that is compiled of past wounds, old patterns, outdated beliefs, and anything else I have let die within my inner world lately.

What seeds are you planting?  Will your environments sustain life?

So, that's my work space and my home and my soul.  Now, my body as an environment...hmmm, let's see. Yeah, this environment needs some cleaning up!  When I look inside, I see a cloudy day with cold temperatures and I hear a serious cry for a wildfire to purify and offer a fertile reset.  Yep, a fire sounds good.  And after all that ash has settled onto the ground of my body, more seeds can be planted!  Funny...even though this is what I "see" and feel, I am not resistant to the visual.  I find myself excited to get my pyro-maniac on and plant seeds of loving the body I walk around in.

How is your body's environment?

Now, my mind.  HA! The ultimate challenge of quieting the mind.  When I see it as an environment, I see open plains with wildflowers hailing with glee.  I feel a strong, yet gentle breeze flowing from one side to the other. (air head comes to mind and I think I'll go ahead and own that) I hear the crackle of a near by stream, feeding the soil.  Okay, this is good.  I think I'll plant some seeds of working in balance with the ego and the mind.  Over there, I am planting a seed of discernment.  One for clarity. One for creative manifestation.  One for finding the humor in anything and laughing my ass off about it. So, not much an ultimate challenge after all. Awesome!

What's in your head environment?

What other parts of your life could use a bit of tending to?  The hearts' environment?  The environment of your relationships?  The environment of your money?  Whatever you are called to, I encourage you to check it out. Open the imagination and let your environments unfold with the stories or information you need in order to choose from your inner world of empowerment and creativity.  Remember the life cycle; life, death, rebirth. In my opinion, the most precious and powerful lesson from nature, and it can be applied within.

I hope this little diddy has inspired you to check it out inside. To think, act, and choose with intention of nurturing the soul seeds. Enjoy your explorations of Self through your environmental discoveries. It's fun!

Through private healing sessions, I offer energy medicine and empowerment guidance.  Should you come across a situation in your environment that you may need assistance with, I am honored to be of help. You can learn more about my services at or email me at

Blessings of a beautiful environment! Nissa

The Truth Factor

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." Galileo
Once upon a time, science had proved coffee bad for you, marijuana bad for you, drinking will kill you, and so on. New science proves that coffee can ward off Alzheimer', marijuana a safe, natural pain medication, and a glass of red wine a day can keep weight down as well as keep heart disease away.  In some cases, you have industries and bodies of government "proving" one way or the other, yet when the entire research paperwork is exposed, we find out that the "proof" has been taken out of context and all evidence shelved under lock and key.  With all the conflicting information we are given in real time that technology provides us, how do we know what is true?  How do you know what to believe, when we get conflicting bias, ideas, and data?
I deeply believe that every being has a right to what they feel or believe is true.  I also believe that every being has a responsibility to discovering and living from that truth.  I see an abundance of acceptance available to human relationships when there is ownership of individual truths.  I have found that owning, living, and evolving my authentic truth creates space in my being to support others without judgment.
Naturally, getting to this place has been a journey of committed reflection, courage, and exploration.  Around the time I got pregnant with my baby girl (who is almost 12! Wow, Mama moment...). Okay, I'm back.  Embracing the responsibility of motherhood, one of the "voices in my head" kept announcing that I had to be the person I wanted her to be.  This announcement didn't just ring true, but it exploded out of my soul with it's own momentum of facing the tough questions around "what is true for me".  I realized I had to know what was authentically true for me before I could authentically be the mother/woman I wanted to be.  This led me to see that I had to teach my daughter how to be her authentic Self by me being my authentic Self and living from my authentic truth.  I began the actions of being in accordance with the actual state of condition, reality or fact that was authentically me.
I decided to start being or reflecting the essential or genuine character of who I truly am.  I began to meditate, journal and reflect on what I really thought, felt, and believed; not what I had been taught or programmed to think, feel, or believe. I sit in the hard, embarrassing and sometimes hurtful questions.  I face the lies, the conditioning, the wounds; even when it feels difficult.   I find myself turning within for the answers.  Turning within to shatter the reflections I'm not proud of, and getting to know the reflection of who I am when I am in my truth.  Turning within to gather my strength as I follow the route my wild intuition is taking off on.
Layers, walls, illusions come a-crumbling down.  It is mind opening, emotional, and empowering.  Here I am all these years later, and I continue to meditate and reflect on what I know as my truth every step of the way. Who I am, my perspectives, my truths and what I believe evolve as I take in new data from information and life.  The process isn't as painful as it was in the beginning. It gets easier, and the work is SO worth it. The constant peeling off of layers that no longer align with my ever evolving truth is as necessary to my soul as showering is to my body.
My truth has a life, death, rebirth cycle just as nature does. It is always in the center of my being, waiting to be felt and experienced.  With the contradiction of information, I rely on what I know, what I feel is true.  Which makes if effortless to not be judgmental of what others feel is true for them.  There is room in this ever-expanding universe for everyone to be who they are, and to have their own truth.  There is an exciting possibility of being and living with each other when there is no need to prove each other wrong.  The possibility of spending our energy to create, instead of bicker and blame.
Over the years, I've been refining my own process of discovering my truth.  It begins with the acknowledgement of a thought, belief, perspective, idea, etc.  It ends with feeling solid in what is true for me, and how I feel about it.  The greatest skill I've gained from the years of this inner work is what I call my truth indicator.  It's a feeling state that I trust and listen to.  It guides me through the BS of news, experiment spins, marketing ploys, and attempted manipulations.  Embracing and utilizing my truth indicator allows me to navigate through what is true in my life, which allows me to not get attached to the lies of everything else.  This process of discovery has created a solid foundation for me to build a core of empowerment for my inner world and a passion to inspire and guide others to their own empowerment.
This month I am facilitating a Discover Your Truth workshop, and I'm offering it in two formats.  A one day intensive ( and a 3 series format. (  These workshops are designed to guide through your own truth discovery.  Learn your own personal truth indicator.  Practice this skill in a supportive and empowering environment.  Deepen your awareness with using your truth indicator in specific exercises that map out the road to your authentic truth.  Visit my website at for more details, contact me to RSVP for the workshop, or schedule a private healing session.

Renewed Balance


The calendar has turned to 2012.  The process I've shared with you over the last several blogs feels like years in my past, not weeks.  Those mirrors in part one are still reflecting elements of my thoughts, choices, and relationships that I need to address.  They come up daily and every time I address one, it feels like a layer of weight is being peeled off my being and replaced with awareness and balance.  Each reflection has been tracked back to it's reflection within me.  For example, I thought I was the kind of friend who didn't keep score with my friends. Until I befriended someone who also said they didn't keep score with their friends.  After the friendship had blossomed, they showed me through actions they in fact did keep score.  This shined a light on the mirror so bright it stung my inner vision.  Choosing to look at the reflection gave me the opportunity to see that in fact, I too, kept score deep down.  Then looking at this, I realized that in telling myself that I don't keep score, I wasn't being accountable to acting on not keeping score.  This information gave me the clarity I needed to shift back to an place of redefining who I am as friend through actions and not statements.  The friendship with that person has drastically changed since I shifted my perspective.  The coolest thing about this little anecdote is that it took me minutes to work through and when I began this process several weeks ago, that first mirror took days and days and days to work through. Let me tell ya, muddling through this process strengthens your own ability to heal and see clearly.  It's like a work out for self-realization.  See my strong spirit muscles?  It's the self realized gun show!! From this renewed expression of balance I'm relishing at the moment, I look back at the the process part two.  The sitting in it.  I an remember experiencing the difficulty, the irritability, the sadness.  Yet, in the renewal of my Self, I feel like they are badges of honor...battle scars worn with pride that mark where I've been so I don't go back.  True, it may look weird for you to read  this but in truth I am so happy I felt all that crap, all that lack of being able to breath.  I appreciate it's part of the process because it reminds me of why I work on my spirit and why I do healing work on others.  The labor of sitting in it brings a sense of empowerment that lets our battle scarred warrior heal.

Part three of the process is like walking towards the light...the inner light of my authentic Self.  Or, like being pushed through the birth canal into a renewed state of spirit. (either one feels appropriate)  Choosing to be intentional and empowered.  Choosing to heal and move on.  Choosing to appreciate the lessons.  Seeing the lessons with compassion and joy is like rocket fuel for more lessons to be seen clearly and the kicker here is that I don't have to go through the hard stuff from part one and two!  These elements of empowerment: choice, intention, appreciation, and allowance of healing turn the process into more of a checklist of realization instead of a heart aching experience.  "Hmm, let's see, first on the list...mirror of friendship keeping score...oh, duh!  I am not acting as a good friend, I'm saying I'm a good friend! I know I can change that. Done!"  What's next on the list? and so on.  It's funny and I mean that literally, I am laughing out loud with every lesson from every mirror in every day.  Well right now anyway, moving through the process started an engine of awareness and I'm in a hot rod of healing. But in the beginning it wasn't super fun.

The process along with continuing the reflection work, using the elements of empowerment, embracing the lessons, and moving forward.  It's all worth it to be in an expanded state of renewed balance.  It's SO worth it because when there is balance, there is an ignition of passionate creativity.  Boundless energy skipping and booty shaking its vibes from within you and you just flow through your day with magic, joy, clarity and strength.  All of this, coming from the inner world of your authentic Self, doesn't have an off button.  It isn't a well that will dry up.  It is always accessible to us when we get out of our own way and allow it.  And THAT is why the process of moving through emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that no longer work for us is worth it. are seeing your reflections as opportunity to learn, heal, and be empowered.  What would your easy checklist look like?  What is on that list?  Track each item back to where it started within you, a thought, a situation, a belief, a wound.  Imagine...seeing it clearly the action you must take to not have this staring back at you.  Or experience a  shift of thinking or feeling instantly take place in the clarity and awareness.

Imagine...checking your list off with compassionate laughter at the comedy of our masks, our saboteurs, our human-ness.

Imagine...stepping into a feeling state that is free from the weight of the mirrors, emotions, patterns.  Imagine...FEELING the spark of creative passion igniting inside you. are DOING something with the awareness, the lesson, the shift, and you are doing it with empowerment and red hot shooting sparkles. are renewed to your authentic Self.  You are balanced in the center of your world, deeply rooted and not going anywhere you don't want to go.  Empowered.


Choosing to live from awareness and surrendering to the flow of life's cycles to further you down the freeway of living your truth is not a way of being our culture promotes or educates us on.  We all have the choice to challenge our mind, body and spirit to sniff out and hunt down our truth.  This also means when we make this choice, we have the responsibility to our Selves to heal and clean up the pollution of our inn world.  Through energy medicine in private sessions, workshops, written word of inspiration and guidance; I assist and guide people to their own empowerment.  I live the work I do. For more information on the healing techniques I offer, updates to my services, products (coming soon), and upcoming events or workshops, visit my website at

When the soul awakens, you must mourn the loss of who you were taught to be and become all of who you are meant to be.

A process - part 3


The "sitting in it" of my process is waning and the innocent energy to move forward is bubbling with excitement. Giving myself the time without rushing through this process has allowed me to see the many layers of reflection that the mirrors held in their depths.  It never ceases to amaze me how interconnected so many issues or obstacles are.  Together they form all the layers we work through and it took only an acknowledgement of one of the mirrors to begin the unraveling of he whole.  That one mirror carried so many of the same reflections.  Reflections that at the root of them were wounds aching to be healed.  The "sitting in it" phase felt like pulling the wounds out by their roots. As opposed to just pulling off the tops.  And for all it's heaviness and difficulty, I am so grateful to have deferred the desire to run away from this process.  With thorough work, I am ready to get up, shake it off, and continue my migratory route.

Before I take off on my path, I want to ponder the lessons of this process.  I want to see them clearly and say good-bye to the thoughts and patterns that got me here in the first place.  I want to know their scent so well that should I smell them in the air again I will remember the healing and not recreate the wound.  This process has taught me the lesson that the most important relationship is the one you have with your Self.  When you are protecting and feeding this relationship, your external relationships will reflect with health.  This led to the lesson that relationships have a life cycle of their own, which leads to relationships moving in and out of your life.  The holding on of them when you need to release is what fragments your relationship to your Self.  Let the cycle of life move and flow in every area of your life.  Rebirth will come after death.  I also learned that a part of me was heavy with insecurity and lack of value, which made me behave in a way that wasn't really me.  This insecure wound has been yearning for acceptance and it raged with actions that compromised my relationship to myself.  So, I say "good-bye" to this insecurity, the grip on others, the restriction of feeling fear for making people uncomfortable by just being my true Self.  With a grateful heart, I say "good-bye" and I am ready to run free and wild once again!

Choice.  Creation.  Intention.  These three words have been speaking volumes to me now that I'm in the moving forward part of this process.  Choice being the grand poo-ba of it all.  I chose to acknowledge those mirrors. I chose to sit in the fire of my soul. I chose to see the wounds. I chose to not run away from it all and heal. I chose to be where I am with raw truth.  I choose to re-create the thoughts and beliefs are old and dying.  I choose to create a vision of where I want to go from here. I choose to change my life to align with this vision.  I choose to see this moment as a do-over starting point with my relationship to Self.  I choose to be intentional with my thoughts and actions.  I choose to be me without excuse or justification.  I choose to appreciate the lessons my wounds brought me.  I chose to believe I'm strong enough, worthy enough to do this process.

The path of the soul and the cultivation of the inner world is rich with simple complexities that keep us in the opportunity of growth.  It is simple to say it is all a choice, it is complex to live it.  A process that I hope sharing with you has brought inspiration, challenge, reflection, or maybe a mirror.  Thank you for standing witness to my process and healing.  Thank you for taking this time out with me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

A Process - Part2


Sitting in it.  All the raw awarenesses swirling around in a distracting and chaotic way.  Some moments shine with clarity in direction, other moments feel like moving through cement with a blindfold on.  Some days feel weightless, like flowing on the wind, other days feel like fire surging in and around me. So, this is where I've been since my last blog post.  Still in a process of what I know will be healing.  This part I call "sitting in it" because nothing really moves forward with healing until whatever it is has been acknowledged and dealt with.  I feel like the time from my last blog post and this one today has been an eternity...because I'm sitting in it.  The time stretching mechanism of my inner world is allowing me to slow down, and have time to continue looking at those mirrors that have come up.

Relationship mirrors!!! Ugh, relationships!  We all have them in various shapes, forms and degrees.  And I've realized that I've not been working on my relationship with myself.  I tend to be the one there for everyone, offering help or counsil but don't ask for help or want to be seen as someone who needs help.  I've been kidding myself into thinking that others can't feel they can trust me to help them if I need them to help me.  This is a thought from I realize is draining me in relationships, and it is merely a parallel to how I see myself.  I have to be able to be there for myself and invest time into the relationship with myself to live with a whole, vibrant Spirit.  Not to mention how unreasonable it sounds once I discover it for what it really is.  Which leaves me with where I am now, what do I do differently to change this?

Fortunately,  the last couple of weeks have created some space in a few of my relationships that were my ties to those mirrors.  This brought some breathing room for me to have more alone time to analyze those mirrors.  (yes, I said analyze...I use it as a tool and not a state of being)  I've been running more, and that time has been like organic super-food for my awareness and healing.  While running this week, I finally felt in my body where I've attached myself to some unhealthy relationship patterns and I began cord cutting like crazy... for about a mile's worth.  And the weightlessness of it propelled me to have my best mile time ever!

Surprisingly, in my "sitting in it" time, I was blessed with an out-of-the-blue angel that I have only known a few months, but found myself allowing him to be there for me.  Another surprisingly was the willingness of my most important relationship to work on the us of our relationship.  Seeing the mirrors and sitting in the knowledge of what they show has brought me to speak my truth, redefine my truth, and feel like I'm more alone in my true self again.  Can I just say, that it isn't easy to say directly how you feel, but as I found myself doing just that I realized it gave the person on the other end the information they needed to make the right choices for them.  The truth, no matter how hurtful, does set us free!

Last night I made a fire in my stone circle, and surrendered to the fire all the awarenesses and left over juju from those cords I cut.  Later last night, I felt bold and dare I say vulnerable enough to solo karaoke with some of the most inspiring people I have ever met.  It was a boost to this process to do something I would have never done before.  I shocked myself, and it kinda proved to myself that there is more of me to get to know.

I am about ready to get up, out of the sitting...maybe just a couple more things to look at. However, I feel I need somewhat of a game plan, a stragedy to repattern those actions and thoughts that got me here in the first place.  I guess we'll see what the next couple of weeks bring by way of moving up and out of "sitting in it"!

For those of you who took my challenge to join me with this journey within, I'd like to ask you to ask yourself "what am I sitting in?" "what/who is keeping me attached to distractions?" "what is one thing I can do this week for myself that feeds my relationship with my soul?"

Many blessings of the journey well traveled.

A Process - part 1


The land of my inner world is calling.  The call is strong and sets the condition that I come alone.  I prepare for this journey and find myself frustrated, tense, and irritated because I am not alone.  I can feel the many projections I've taken on plastered to my being.  I can feel the weight of the things I need to forgive.  I can taste the hunger for freedom and solitude.  I can hear the reel of thoughts that have created a new loop in my mind gnawing at my stillness and clarity.  I can see the circle of mirrors that have surrounded me over that last several months, and in them are the reflections and memories of things that I want to shatter, clean up, and throw away.  How does one get here? I find the months between the fall equinox and the winter solstice has a spotlight on drawing within because the Earth is drawing within. The plants and trees are retracting their life force into the roots to stay alive during the winter.  The leaves are dying and falling off, and what a beautiful death they give us!  The wildlife are either caving up or gathering in numbers to stay warm together, safe together, and slow down together.  The cycle of nature is a powerful force, and is another reflection for me.  It is time to spend my attention within, but if I am to come alone, I have much to purge and let go of so I may be alone.

This year has been an incredible spiritual growth spurt for me.  I have challenged my gifts, put myself out there, and each step has been an incredible rush.  I've felt good about some of my successes and taken my mistakes in stride with ownership and an attitude of learning.  This is a huge improvement from who I used to be and I am grateful to have made these strides.  Now in the pull down of these months, all the things that keep me from being alone in my true self are rising up to produce the next layer of healing to walk through and the next layer of work on myself to be more of who I truly am.

From this perspective, I experience those projections, mirrors, thought reels, and weights as a buffet of healing opportunities and empowering possibilities.  I choose to be where I am with them and deal with each one, to honor the condition of the call to my inner world.  And I am going to put myself out there yet again to share this process with you over the next several blogs.  This will make me accountable for my own healing and hopefully inspire you to reflect on your own weights, mirrors, and projections and accountability for happiness.

Will you join me?

Today, I'm starting with looking at the mirrors.  They disturb me the most and I can sense that a lot of the weights and projections are attached to these mirrors and may heal by themselves in dealing with the mirrors.

As I turn around myself I can see this wall of single paneled mirrors and each one is holding an energy I need to learn from and heal.  There is a repeating theme with several of these mirrors.  I see and feel this theme as one of not liking how I'm being treated, and/or being disappointment in my relationships.  Now, it's normal to be disappointed and all that, but it's not healthy to carry it around like this...looking back at me, sending back to me this disappointment and frustration.  I'm finding that my relationship mirrors are showing me that I've been experiencing disappointment because I'm not fully bringing my true self to the relationship.  I'm hiding parts of my light and strength because I'm afraid I won't be accepted.  Well, that just won't do!  But, wow, seeing it this way makes it lighter and outside of me so it seems silly to not bring all of my true self everywhere.  Okay, now, why do I feel the need to be accepted?  My rational voice claims it doesn't matter.  My emotional heart sends a voice that it just wants to be loved....oh, there it is...I'm not allowing love.  Ugh, that's a doozy, but one I keep finding in many layers of healing for years.  It's not unreasonable to desire love and acceptance, to allow love does not make you reliant, and I believe happiness is a choice and my responsibility.  And this is why the work is being done.

So I will be sitting in this theme of mirrors until the next blog post and the story will continue.  If you are joining me, imagine or sense your own mirrors and what or who is in them.  Search for how these reflections have started from something inside of you.  I invite you to journal what you experience and become aware of.  Our stories can unfold at the same time.

In support of myself and others who dive into growth and search for truth, I say A-HO!

As always, I am available for private sessions.  You can learn more at