In the direction of being me...

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photo by Catherine Beerda-Basso. subject is Leah McCullough Dear heart,

Thank you for being here. Thank you for dropping into this post and sharing my realm with me.

 

Last year, in my annual cocoon of cave time, my lovely soul spoke through it's intuitive channels and pretty much made me purchase the domain nissahoward.com. Despite my resistant. Despite my negotiations. Regardless of my bargaining. I found my fingers typing up the domain order. #thankyousoulfornotlisteningtomysmallmaking

 

And so it has sat dormant and gestating all year long. This year has been one deep transformation after another so the idea of re-branding wasn't even in the back seat. I tied that bitch up in the trunk. But after elk hunting...remember the post about being skinned...I broke down and asked for help...I sat alone in nature for 4 days and 4 nights...I emptied out...found some faith (thank you woodpecker)...and welcomed a remembered way of being me. Not long after I returned from the hill, I found myself moving this naked domain of nissahoward.com to the place where this soulcraft.me domain is hosted. So, I'm on the phone with the customer service tech guy going over the hows of this transition and I'm trying to explain what I am wanting to do. I hear myself say "I think I've been hiding behind the mask of soul craft too long, it's time to go in the direction of being me". Dead silence on the other end. Did the call get dropped? I ask if he is still there, and I hear him clear is throat before saying "wow, that is the most beautiful thing I've heard all day. If only we could all go in that direction". Awkward validation pause... and I say "thanks". And then we got back to business. Not long after the call ended it hit me how funny it is to get your work path affirmed from a customer service rep. And this still makes me giggle.

 

But it's true! I'm going in the direction of being me. So yeah, there's a lot of logistics that go in this change and it won't happen over night. Plus, I'm slowing down now until my surgery so I'm not allowing myself to over-obsess about business stuff. And still, my heart and vision and intentions are all in the direction of being me. It's true, I've been hiding behind the mask of a business name. An even truer truth is that I am my business and my business is me. I'm in a group of soul-o-prenuers led by the incredible Heather Dakota. And in her Wise Woman Society, she has helped me voice this truer truth. Today, I was in a business attunement session with her and heard myself own that I am a wild woman and in my true nature change is a way of life...just like the earth... So, because I change my business has to change. It was a total DUH moment that opened a door to some inner world freedom. What once was held in the mouth of fear of being "flaky" and "unreliable" is now a vibrant energy body of ease and permission...fueling the vehicle in the direction of being me.

 

I will change with my change. I am open to allowing the direction of being me in my story of now so I don't find myself off course. The direction of being me will have it's seasons but the soul soil is still the same.

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What I'm unearthing here is some deep inquiry around who I am and what I do and how I do it. And what I'm discovering is that it is as much of a shedding as it is an accepting...accepting who I am, accepting the weaknesses, accepting the mess, accepting my power of choosing. I see clearly that the direction of who I am isn't necessarily a definitive path to a destination of who I want to be or see myself becoming. Rather, it's a stepping up and into what already is...simply, me. Take it or leave it.

 

Here are some of the questions I've been digging with:

  • What new responsibilities can I activate to support this direction?
  • What am I hiding that is ready to be seen?
  • What are my core qualities that are holding the lantern for my movement?
  • What nourishes my being? What can I put into action to do this?
  • Where do I need to open space in myself and my life?

I am also discovering that I am in constant motion...as a living being on this planet, in this universe, I am always moving somewhere. The biggest question I ask, and I ask often, is am I moving in the direction of being me?

Did you find yourself answering any of these prompts? I'd love to here from you in the comments below.

 

Big LOVE to you,

Nissa