My other...

I met my other at a rock concert. Me: in a naughty schoolgirl mini skirt and ready to get a bit crazy.  Him: dragged there by his sister-in-law and ready to slink into the walls.  The moment we saw each other: soul collision.  I blinked my eyes in slow motion and a flash of light went off in my head.  When I opened my eyes that dark music hall was atwitter with sparkles all around him.  The music went to the background.  I welcomed his eyes into my heart. For him, the music stopped all together, all he saw was me, all we wanted to see was me.  I didn't believe in my heart until then.  He didn't start living until then.

The rest of the night was a primal soul conversation of magnetic honesty.  We saw each other, plain and simple.  There was an other-worldy understanding of what we say in each other.  Authentic and brutally different than anything we’d known before.  The polarity of who we are as individuals filled in each other's blank spaces.  Life finally had a home.

Our first official date was within a week.  Engaged within 5 months.  Married now for 9 years.

Me: could do without the marriage thing.  Would be with him just because. We had to elope privately for  me to go through with it.  Him: always wanted to be married and couldn’t wait to have a ring on his finger.  What he’s learned from me about love: to feel love takes courage and self-exploration. What I learned from him about love: he was willing to take my name because it isn’t about man vs. woman to him, it’s about being one.  (with that, I proudly took his name)

This oneness has been the premise of our entire relationship.  Oneness is wholeness when both parties are who they are in harmony with the other. Harmony is not exempt nor independent of conflict. Harmony, however, does require respecting the other as a whole being separate from you.  I am in love with the fact that we do this for each other.  Our oneness is not at all contingent on us being the same.  In fact, our oneness thrives on us being different.

We’ve had epic brawls.  We’ve wounded each other.  It’s been bloody and messy, like a tornado tore through the village of our relationship.  I’ve said “I’m like an elk who migrates when the land is no longer nourishing”.  He’s replied with “no matter where you migrate to, that land is still me”.  I not only fell in love with, but continue to be in love with a partner who believes in us as a whole one.  This is a strength and a quality I respect so much it makes me melt with desire to be his...and him to be mine.

I drive him crazy with my fiery quick wit and passionate intensity.  He infuriates me with needing to think so long about how he feels.  I make him gut laugh so hard he cries and hugs me in appreciation.  He makes me feel like a Goddess because he puts my needs and wishes before his.  He can’t stand how my creative soul dances across the spectrum of things to do.  I want to punch him for trying to fix my problems.  I make him feel like a valuable man by telling him how proud of him I am.  He fills me up by believing in me.  It’s simple, we see each other as flawed, perfect, and whole.  We see our relationship as flawed, perfect, and whole.

He is a divine masculine who serves me because it makes him happy to see me feel beautifully pampered.  I am a divine feminine who feeds him with gratitude and purpose.  We are whole in our individual selves and whole in our oneness.  And we keep choosing each other.

It is Winter Solstice, the return of the sun...the return of all the masculine energy that comes with the sun.  As I'm stirring the cosmic waves of the Solstice this year my heart has flooded with gratitude for this man in my life.  He embodies the beauty, service, and power of the divine masculine.  I appreciate his BEing all that he is.  I believe that we need to honor the man/men who provide this earth the qualities masculine.  I offer a holla' out to all the good men out there who are wild, who are warriors at heart, who dare to brave the unjust world without violence in order to remain here and love their women.  The mystery of the Man is to be seen and allowed, not refined and corralled.  Welcome back, powerful masculine sun energy.  May this year be a year of healing and hearing our good Men.

How to stop the stories...

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Know how you feel. Give voice to what you feel, then shut up and flow with it. Not too long ago I was in an journey with the intention to get some guidance in my life.  I was shown that it is not often that I just say how I feel.  More often I tell the story of what is around how I feel and use the emotion as an exclamation point.  I was shown how this actually perpetuates any negativity to my emotion and...

REPEATING THE STORY STOPS THE STORY FROM EVOLVING INTO WISDOM.

I was shown that how I feel...my emotions...are huge bundles of energy and power.  Mostly power.  They move, they shake, they spring into action, they cradle and hold, they are magnificent keys to my energetic freedom.  Then I was shown that when the emotions are simply stated without a supporting story, the emotion is free to evolve into wisdom .  That giving the emotion voice, gives that emotion fluid truth. And the second I begin to add reasons, justifications, and story to it, the emotion becomes an attached block.  And when emotions are blocked they cause damage to the soul, body and mind.  When emotions are fluid, they flow through quickly without damaging the soul, body, and mind.

FOR EXAMPLE...

"I am having anger about this".  Notice the wording here. Having anger denotes a temporary experience of it.  Let's say your partner has done something that just pissed you off.  Declaring your emotion for it and sitting in the space of your emotion without a story around it allows you to feel it fully and authentically.  And then it will move on...move through you completely...and you can approach the solution clearly, calmly and with freedom of spirit.  Now, if you plan to try this practice on for yourself...I suggest you tell your partner what you are up to so you both have the space to be different.

Now, lets take the same pissed-off-ness in the same situation and it goes like this: "How could you? What were you thinking? This is the kind of shit that_________________. I am so mad at you! etc..." What happens here is the questions build a story around the thing.  The questions also create more problems and negative energy.  It engages the other person to create their version of the story...making the story twice as powerful and energetically charged.

Back down again.  Here it is in bullet points...I love bullet points

  • give your emotion a voice...example:"I feel sad"
  • shut the mouth and mind trap for awhile and feel the full purity of said emotion....maybe a time out, or some journaling?
  • when the emotion has flowed through, ask your Self "what do I want out of this"
  • then go from there by acting on the wanting.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOUR FEELINGS.

We have every right to feel what we feel...to let those emotions have fluid power and truth.  And those around us have every right to feel what they feel.  So, as you give yourself freedom from the story, support others in attaining their freedom of the their stories.

WE MAY FIND A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION TO LISTENING.

I've been using this since it was gifted to me in that journey and it has been a huge asset in the whole being "unscripted" thing.  And the listening thing is transforming as well.  I ask a lot let questions.  Say less of the shit that doesn't matter.  And finding adventure in the uncomfortable silences.

What do you feel about this?

Back to Reflection

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My last post about perception and reflection was derailed by my own awareness of Self, which needed to be honored and heard; my wish is that this gave you a map or template from which to monitor your own stuff and turn it into something useful and good.  So, today I would like to re-rail this topic and dive into using it as a soul crafting tool.  You may (or may not) remember that it all started with this quote:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.~askcoachbobbi.com

The first sentence of this was one of those light-switch moments of freedom from outside judgements and projections.  I notice that turning this idea into action keeps the weight of these outside influences out of my energy fields. And it keeps them out by the reflection aspect behaving like a repellant.  It sends the outside judgement back to the sender.  I also noticed that in this state of energetic freedom I am able to hear the other person better, not take their judgments personally, and hold my own strong center in dealing with them.  Holding a strong center for me is key to speaking my truth.  If I'm not in the center of my inner world, my truth is subject to the lies of others' illusions.  This can come in handy in SO many inter-personal relationships.  How many times have you taken on someone else's judgment of yourself and let that self-talk take you down a road that isn't even yours?  Have you ever taken to heart something your partner said about you as a truth, but in fact is their own wounds and triggers using perception of others to have a voice?  I know I sure have. This action of reflection also keeps the lines of energy clean and true.  What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.

This whole "perception is a reflection of you" thing bit me in the ass big time with my hubby.  I was being really critical of him one day, saying horrible and stupid things; when it hit me that my perception of him is a reflection of me.  The stuff I was saying to him was actually things that I do, and don't do.  I had to stop, process, apologize and forgive myself.  (gulp)  Then I had to speak my truth of it, I am the one who always..... I am the one who doesn't consider.... and so on. Pride took a hard fall that day, but I really experienced the power of this perception/reflection tool, and the responsibility of using it as well. 

Be careful to not judge others for judging you...judging others for judging you is simply perceiving them as a reflection of you. 

See, it's not balanced and right to think that you are never the problem...that it is always someone else's stuff influencing you.  I am realizing that the "return to sender" reflection is the first step; it keeps the energy boundaries clean between people (remember: what is theirs is theirs; what is mine is mine).  But then I'm noticing that within the the individual energy field, you must check in with what small aspect of you is the mirror of which the outside perception was reflecting.  This is where my Inquire Within magic really gets things poppin' and brings to life step 2. You have to look at that mirror within which triggered the outside perception; why is it there?  Is it still necessary for who you are?  Does it give you the material you need to soul craft?  Is it true?  Was it ever?  Does it need to be healed and released?  Does it need to be fed, nourished, and have a voice?  I think that conflict, criticism, or anything comes to you for a reason.  Which is why I love being able to hand back to the outside world what isn't mine; stay observant of my own inner world free and clear as to what I need to do to craft my soul...and my life...and who I am.

now, after those two steps.....

The second sentence of this quote is where the juicy empowerment begins to shine in the dark.  Choosing a {reaction/non-reaction/opinion/etc,} that is a truth from the awareness you gained by inquiring within to the inner mirror.  Action always brings empowerment to life.  You must actively choose from your awareness of your self. 

Now, let's put it all together....
  • Someone criticizes you for something you do. (their perception coming your way)
  • You notice it coming at you. You may feel nervous, angry, invaded, hurt, etc.  This is your indicator to "return to sender" by remembering that this is a reflection of themselves.  (be careful to not label what that is for them...that is theirs) 
  • In the clean, free, and clear space of your own stuff you look at the backside of that mirror they were looking at when they perceived you.  Something in you triggered them, what is it?  Is it necessary? Does it need fed or released? Could this criticism be true on some level, and could it be something worth looking at and using?
  • So, now you can see the criticism from your own eyes and not the eyes of the outside perception which is chalked full of someone else's wounds or ignorance's.  From your own perception of this reflection, you can choose what is true for you and how to react from an authentic place with a powerful voice.

Ahh, that just feels good.  Bringing it all back to the inner world just brings me to a solid, powerful, peaceful point of view.  I hope it does for you too.  If so, I challenge you to work this process next time you feel an outside perception of you being reflected, then let me know!  I'd love to hear from your experiences on the comment section of this post.

 

Nissa Howard is a soul crafter, writer, wild woman intuitive and the owner of Inquire Within; a sacred space of awakening, healing, digging deep, and discovering your truth.  She offers energy medicine and empowerment coaching using Shamanic healing techniques and intuitive reflection.  By providing sacred space to facilitate healing, workshops, growth, and discovering inner truth, she is a guide and technician into the wilderness of the inner world, where who you are is waiting to be discovered and where soul crafting takes root. Her goal is to empower others to empower themselves. The mind thinks, the heart feel, let the soul choose. Contact her today to schedule and appointment or register for a playshop. www.inquirewithin.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who gets to create? You do!!!!

I am stirring a cauldron of questions and curiosity and wonder.  Who dictates what gets created and by whom?  Why is there fear, resistance, insecurity, and doubt of worth when it comes to creating something new?  If humans are creator beings as we create with our thoughts, feelings, actions, and choices; then birthing something of your own voice and truth isn't shitting on the ones that came before you.  Right?  Look at the history of things and the how things evolve.  Where would the iPad be if there wasn't some universal permission to take something and tweek it into something else. (A-HA!) That is chemistry, that is alchemy, that is magic in essence!  Therefore, isn't it magical to life a live of creating that which comes from your soul, even if it is inspired by others?  Now, of course I'm not talking plagiarism or flat our copyright infringement.  I'm questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you are doing something different that your clan, your teachers, your mentors, your elders.  I am also questioning the heaviness that is felt when you are seen as less than because you evolve a concept because it is what rings true for you.  And because it rings true for you, your belly lights on fire and you want to share this new way with others.  The grounded wild woman in me now brings into mind the cycle of life here, and the reflection of being open and encouraging of evolution of the newly born concept or item as it is being shared or taught.  Common sense reminds me that if you want to own the freedom to create, you must also give the freedom to create. When you learn something or apprentice to something, there are always those who come before you.  Their teachings, wisdom, and guidance is important and precious.  They should always be honored and credited for what they bring you.  But what if you take the teachings as inspiration and not law?  What could or would you create?  Is the heaviness mentioned earlier from them, from you, or from a rigid cultural paradigm that stems from fear?  I sense that the fear comes from a place of not wanting to forget where we came from, not wanting to loose parts of historic lessons. I can't help thinking that by honoring what was taught in tandem with what is being created from your soul, the solution is alive.  Bringing respect and gratitude to those that come before, and letting the new stuff radiate out of you...like there is a choice when the soul wakes up and says "I've got this thing to make happen!!!"

I've always been a bit of an outsider, wanting to fit in, but never really fully fitting in.  On the left of me, I'm to right for them.  On the right of me, I'm to left for them; and so on.  So, for me, I find it natural to just do stuff my way after a bit.  Then there is that "wanting to belong" nudge, that is accompanied by the "I want to learn something new" nudge, and those two elements attract great growth in exactly the right places.  For several years I've been studying core Shamanic healing through the LightSong School of Shamanic Studies.  Jan Engels-Smith is the founder of this school and it's amazing community of people.  There is not language yet for the gratitude I have for this community in my life.  It's like a soul family.  There are mirrors, cheerleaders, helpers, mentors, opportunities, and so much more.  I've had the pleasure of learning so much about core Shamanism, the healing crafts, and leadership.  This is the place I learned how to Shamanic journey, and from this skill my soul took inspiration from it, not law.

I remember my 1st and 2nd level classes.  We were supposed to get a power song.  I couldn't get one, I tried to force one or fake one to feel like I was "doing it right", but it just didn't come.  I reverted to my magical background and wove it into the lesson of filling with personal power.  In every journey there is a sense of going "out" into non-ordinary reality...and I did...but I found myself not complete with it.  So, the day after every class I would take my notes and redo the journeys at home.  I found that to feel complete with the journey, they were a sense of going "inward".  And they had a much different feel than the journeys I was being taught.  By the time I got toward the end of my 2nd level class, I allowed the inner or outer journney to happen...depending on the intention.  I just surrendered to trusting the process and let the world within unfold and grow.

The concept and practice of the Inner World has been one I've been teaching and soul crafting for a couple years now.  And from this place, the Inner World journey has been birthing itself as my own process of journeying.  It's ancestor is the Shamanic journey.  Its spirit carries shadows of the foundation brought to us by ancient ones.  It holds the elements and directions closely to it's heart.  It has it's own voice and process, and brings a unity of the other worlds into the universe of the soul.  It brings all elements into one world.  I've been doing this process of Inner World journey for several years now, and it only recently occurred to me to watch what I do and how I do it.  Holy ass smacks, it was cool!  It all unfolded so clearly that this is another way to journey, and from that moment on it has had a momentum and voice of it's own creating.  It wants to be shared, taught, explored and evolved.  So, I am listening, trusting and lifting the heaviness.  I am taking that leap by teaching this form of journeying along side the teaching of core Shamanic journey.  I have had clients express interest in learning how to journey, so I have put together a playshop on February 9th to do just that.  I will honor my roots and spread my wings as I open my heart for my soul's work to ooze out.

What does your soul want to create?

If you are interested in this playshop,  you can find it on my Facebook events page at www.facebook.com/inquirewithin.me OR on my website www.inquirewithin.me.  Next time you'll hear from me will be the first of February with your Inquire Within Monthly!  Have fun digging within, creating from soul, and dancing while you do it!

Death Ceremony

~This post was actually not gonna come out until next Tuesday, but I feel a big push to post it now.  Mostly for my sisters in the SouLodge.  As we sit in the West together there has been much death and dying and release...so girls...this one is coming out early, just for you!~ For the better part of this year, I have felt a pull to create ceremony, ritual, passage.  I have many ideas swirling in my soul and one has finally birthed itself!  The inspiration has been a death ceremony as a way to lay to rest the you that you don't want to be anymore...the you that is no longer playing a positive role in creating a life you love...the you that has been on it's way out for a while but the ego is holding on to it.

A fortunate, unfortunate situation has popped up within the last month.  My dearest friend from Jr. High found herself in a place that really needed a death ceremony.  And true to the laws of the creating, timing is a big player in how and when your purpose is created.  As soon as my BFF entered this situation the download of details for this ceremony flooded in over a span of several days.  Excitement and power of transformation was bouncing my insides all over my outsides and I just knew this death ceremony had to be done, and has to be done more in the world.

She traveled to me for a time frame of several days, which now I am calling this time "soul rehab".   The first day produced healing on many levels.  We did extractions, spirit release, and soul retrieval.  Day two she accompanied me to a Yoga class I teach and that was a time to seal in the work from day one.  Later that night on day two,  the death ceremony was building and ready to GO!  So we entered my healing room and began.

We layed out two strips of butcher paper and taped them together.  As she lay on the sheet I asked if she had any last words to this skin and Self she was letting die.  She did, and with a true voice, declared her intention and gratitude....beautiful!  I began creating an energetic "coffin" around her as she imprinted her old Self into the paper, into the coffin.  I drew an outline of her form and she emerged for the next step.

With art supplies handy, the work began.  Locating a main source of suffering on the paper body, names and colors and art flowed out of her onto the paper self.  All the anger and pain and wounds boiling the blood and moving the energy OUT.  I began a wailing into the that spot, she followed with two, and that part was at peace and clean.  She powerfully and organically moved into other body parts, and letting those pains and programs have a true expression without judgment or blame.  Simple movement out of her and into the paper old Self.  Flowing gracefully she moved through the whole body...calling out demons, shutting up the liars, and slapping...stomping...yelling at the saboteurs.

And this played out until it was complete, all of the old Self out and into the paper.

The next part of the ceremony is to dismember this old Self, and she began with the head.   Ripping the paper through the throat, freeing her voice!  We cursed and swore and rejected all the things the old Self stored as she continued ripping the many body parts apart.  Her true Self expressing sovereignty and ownership of her body, mind, and soul.  When she was done, I looked at this lovely being and her face had changed.  Her eyes were a darker green.  She felt weightless as if I could see right through her.  She is new.

It was dark, and raining...a perfect cocktail to dig a grave.  So we collected all her old paper Self parts, bundled them together and that girl was digging as quickly as she could.  We threw her old Self into the ground, did a typical...we are gathered here tonight to honor the passing of....

Forgiveness was expressed in celebratory vibration. Then, the grave was covered and the party began.  A special party where we stomped on that grave, yipped to our Selves at congratulations, danced, shook, howled, and birthed a special song that I now believe will act as a mantra or affirmation for her to use to keep herself from recreating those old habits.  I won't share it here because if feels sacred and I know that each death ceremony I facilitate from here on out will have it's own sacred tool individual to that client.

My dearest friend met herSelf that day.  Met her truth, her light, and her power.  She just had to release and bury the parts of her that held contrary energy to her true Self.  I can now say with this death ceremony added to my energy medicine bag, the death and dying process is easy peasy and shouldn't be put off.  There is such an immediate renewal into the tangible realm of the power inside the soul.  There is such a relief and release, as if it was ages ago that my friend had that old Self living her life.  She left her "soul rehab" a full version of her true self, along with tricks and tools and tasks to keep her on point as she carves the trails in creating her life forward.  So cool....

Day three was all about the journey.  She learned how to journey to her true Self, her inner world landscape, and into her power.  She experienced and felt the qualities of who she really is from this place.  Then we crafted her a set of soul cards that are all hers to use when she needs remembering of her greatness.  She gained a power animal to guide and protect her on her journey of empowerment from healing.  She has several mantras and affirmations.  And is fully equipped to tackle life's obstacles with a new set of soul rules.  We occupied the empty space the death made with the qualities and ammunition to be who she really is.  An open, strong, intuitive Goddess.

I am ready and honored to facilitate this ceremony for anyone at a trans-formative place in their life.   And/or wanting to begin an annual, bi-annual, quarterly death to the "skin" that is no longer needed to roam free in the wild of the inner world.  Be ready to be wild, uninhibited, and loud!  You can contact me at inquirewithin.me@gmail to schedule a session for death, or life, or rebirth!

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Me, and my Shaaadow!

Stars can't shine without the darkness. ~unknown~ I am currently enrolled in a 5 week course through a terrific site called SouLodge.  In this autumn season the lodge session is focusing on shadow work.  It is a dark, delicious realm of my inner world that has surprisingly opened my heart.  I went into this course thinking it would be a dirty, gutted, heavy journey.  So far, every interaction with my shadow and my darkness has brought me an uplifted-ness and fullness I wasn't expecting.  Although, I guess I am getting what I expected, just in a different expression of it.  I'm dirty with mud of playfulness, I'm gutted in the sense that I want my light to be spilling out from my center at all times, and I am heavy with a nourished soul.

My unexpected reaction to this work has me wondering why shadow work brings me so much happiness?  The shadow isn't shrinking or having more light to take over the darkness.  My shadow is presenting me with so many slaps and punches, and I am giddy when they hit.  I take them in and throw them into my inner cauldron like ingredients to yummy cookies...anxiously drooling in the wait for the end result of warm, chewy goodness.

My mind says: "What is so delicious about getting punched and slapped with my own shit?"

My heart says: "How and Why does the pain/fear/etc, open me?"

My soul says: "It's like finding a kidnapped child... it is a part of you returning home for love and care and safety."

Some of the journeys I've done for my work in SouLodge have brought me some great messages, visuals, and insights.  I would like to share them here.

  • Our darkness, our shadow, is a place for us to recharge and know more of what makes us shine.  It is a place within to gather our purpose, heighten our senses, gain strength, and to FEEL deeper.  Cultural conditioning, wounds, traumas, etc. can project our shadow as a predator which instills fear, but the shadow is NOT to be feared. It is not a predator, the ego and the need to be right are predators.
  • My shadow is the night time, my unwounded wild Self is the day time.  Reflection: each time cycle has its purpose in our outer world, and the same goes for the inner world.  Let the day time shine life giving light, let the night time radiate it's mystery. Together they are in perfect harmony.  Not allowing the shadow to live it's portion of the time cycle creates the imbalance the ego needs to project a predator into the psyche.
  • Shadow is sacred.  My shadow is full and nourished, I listen to it very well, I embrace it openly.  What is getting in my way is the egoic mind chatter of wounded-ness.  The egoic fear that puts up unnecessary walls.  The egoic search for meaning and approval outside of myself.
  • My shadow is the inner healer for my egoic wounds.  My true self is the inner healer for my heart.  And my soul is the inner world landscape where all of this resides.

Shadow work is sacred soul work to clean up the egoic trash that litters the pristine forest of my inner world.  For all the slaps and punches I'm taking right now from my shadow, I am deeply grateful for the pain, the learning, the wisdom, the growth, and the healing.

For more on these SouLodge sessions, go to www.soulodge.com

For more on my work in the realm of empowerment, go to www.inquirewithin.me

Blessings of shadow whispering truth to you, and the healing it is always doing on the ego! And so it is!