I'm grateful for my country, hillbilly, farmin', huntin'-fishin'-muddin'-loggin' upbringing. It showed me that the love of nature doesn't look like a national park advertisement. I learned that to love nature means you have to BE a part of nature...being the hunted as well as the hunter. I learned that nature isn't a manicured trail that everyone walks on. I have experienced it bloody, bruised, held, soul fed, heart breaking and heart filling. I'm grateful that I have seen how policy destroys nature but those who love nature choose nature stewardship over selling out for income somewhere else. The country life gave me my rebel medicine. Perseverance...survival...bad assery...slamming on the brakes to watch a deer, an elk, an eagle; regardless of who you may piss off behind you. The this "backwoods" culture, when the wild things show themselves to you, you stop and connect.
I'm grateful for my city exploration of life. The intense amazement that humans can create massive structures. The artistic creativity floating around like an airborne virus, just aching to find a host walking by that will say..."yes, I'll give you life". It thrills me to feel how the creative energy of one fuels the creative energy of another. My soul soars to witness people give up so much to pour their every cell into their craft...into their inspirations. The city life helped me see and love people because there is so much variety to see and love. Perseverance...survival...bad assery...fierce commitment to passion.
I've been held in Christianity, Hinduism, Yoga spirituality, Witchraft, Shamanism, Buddhism, Reiki. And there is beauty in all of these to me, I have learned so many skills and concepts. They all have a medicine and a poison to me though. The poison comes from living in the box the label is attached to. The medicine comes from broadening my perspective, which broadens the landscape of my wild inner world that I call my soul. More landscape? More room to roam!!!
To me, labels are lassos; boxes are the corrals. Eck, just thinking this makes me want to run.
The heart breaking thing is that all sides are uncomfortable around me being who I am because I contain within me a part of something that stirs their pot. I feel their discomfort and it hurts me. I feel this subtle need from them to somehow reconfigure me into a version of myself they can accept and handle. My truth about this is...I get it, I understand...and it still hurts.
Today, I'm grateful that I don't have to exist in one corral or the other. I'm grateful that every time I've been roped by a one group or the other I have somehow managed to shake the lasso off my neck before getting locked in and tied up. Intuitively bolting from the wranglers of righteousness to run wild and free yet again. I am meant to be a free range soul. I want to migrate, learn, explore, and take a chance on my intuition.
I'm grateful that I can stand where I stand within myself and not have to claim "a side". I see how those in one corral like to think their corral is right...it's the corral to be in, so they slander the corral across the way. Saying how that corral has it all wrong and they are the reason for everything going wrong in their corral. I see how the corral across the way thinks their corral is the right one to be in and believes that the other corral is the reason for everything going wrong with their corral. See the pattern? Back and forth...then another corral is built and filled and those first two corrals start finding ways to blame the new corral for the problems they have in their corrals.
I see that the problem is as simple as staying contained in any corral. It's not humane, compassionate or progressive to surrender to the corral your in while blaming other corrals for why yours isn't what you want. Jump a fence, kick down a post, knock down the fuckers that open and close the gate. RUN! Scary, right? Where do you go? How will you survive? What if you are alone?
I have no real concrete point or ra-ra uplifting inspiration. My heart is simply ready to tell it like it has been for me. And I'm grateful that the heart ache allows me love both sides from my corral-free vantage point. My deepest desire is for all corrals to let the other corrals live in their corrals in their own way and support the differences, instead of judging-mud slinging-and blame. We could all be freed. Regardless, I can't change those wranglers, nor those corrals. I can only act for myself. The action I choose is to be me, wild and free; roaming the soul land to accept myself so wholly that I can accept others I find along my life. Corralled or not.
This last weekend I encountered some kindred spirits in this matter and it was just what this wild woman needed. (more on this later...trust me, it's gooooood)
Feel free to share, post, or comment. Blessed be.
Like this blog post? Subscribe to get more in your email, and get event dates and offerings, AND watch my website take form as I get it built. Oh, exciting stuff.....
PS....funny thing I stumbled on last week, in Celtic astrology, I'm a horse! hahahahaha Perfect.